Reggie Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Well, nurse uniforms are nice. If she is in it for the short haul, and does not expect a longterm thing, she may be okay, as the morality does not seem to be an issue for her. I'm sure mom and dad will be overjoyed with their new "son".
angie2443 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 No double standard here. Guy's a dickhead, an old dickhead. WTF will you do in 20 years when the poolboy starts looking good to you and your incontinent old geezer is drooling? ). This is the funniest thing I heard all day! thanks for the laugh.
angie2443 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 ... I might start watching the 'sales' ... She won't be with him in 10-20 years so no worry.. She'll do what I do.. go for the young innocent ones.. I rather be a babysitter than a nurse.. I understand what you're saying. I don't mind guys 10 years older, but a 20 year old going after a 50 year old guy is just plain funny to me. If she sticks with him, she'll eventually be his caretaker. I get the draw for him, but I just don't get it for her.
KismetGirl Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Hello. If someone can please share their wisdom and insight with me, please do. I have been involved with a married man, he told me he is separated but I don't know if I believe anything anymore from him. Briefly, he did all the pursuing. I know it was wrong. We were just friends talking about current events, music, politics, etc...and I fell hard for him. I know it is/was wrong and I think all he thought it would turn into was just good friends. Now lately, he goes without days saying Hi especially now that I think he has me figured out. I think I(my feelings) scare him and now I realize I into him and this over my head. He keeps sending me mixed signals though by wearing clothes I bought him. I don't want to date anyone else, I do love him. But I feel I am throwing my life away. He has my heart and knows it. He tells me I can leave anytime but asked me yesterday if I could ever do that? One other thing, he will never let me send a birthday card. I realize it can't go to his home, why can't he get a box???? I have forced myself to do NC but always get drawn back in. I try to avoid all the places he frequents. This is what my friends think, he is in his mid 50's, I am in my late 20's, we get along like we have known each other our entire life, can finish each others sentences, but they say he likes being with me because I make him feel younger. This could be true, but is it wrong? I am lost in love, please advise. Thanks! Sweetheart, your friends are probally right. This man is having a mid life crisis, and you make him feel young. you have no future with this guy. Come on now, he's thirty years older than you. Do your eally want someone who is going to probably be dead by the time you are in your 50's? How depressing would that be, to be widowed at that age? He probably doesnt want children anymore either, so if a family is important to you, this isnt even close. By the way, wearing clothes you bought him....i mean....it's just clothing. You probably pay more attention to him wearing it than he does. He just puts on a shirt or pants without thinking who bought it for him. I bought my MM plenty of things and he uses them because that's what they are for, to use! what else is he supposed to do, keep them in a box in the closet? he doesn't want you to send him a card because he doesn't want his wife to find it. and if that's the case, he's not planning on leaving his marriage or he wouldnt be so worried about his wife finding out. Run, and run far. Its hard not to let emotions get the better of you, but this situation has no future. Find a nice single guy closer to you in age, than this man who is just using you for thrills. It isnt fair to you.
Lookingforward Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 i'm unsure of why this is in the Infidelity forum... you should repost in the OM/OW forum... you are the OW. Presumably because Infidelity requires two partners...... I don't know
Angel1111 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 The reason you're getting harsh answers is because we all know that there's nothing we can say to you that will stop you from continuing with this insanity. Maybe when you spend a couple of Christmases alone - knowing he's having a great time with his family - you may re-think all of this. Most of us here can tell just by the things you tell us that's he's playing games with you and he's not serious about keeping you in his life. There are men who cheat on their wives and end up with the OW, but this man will not be one of them. You are this little piece of the puzzle of his life and it may surprise you to know that if you threatened his marriage in any way at all, he'd throw you under the bus so fast you wouldn't know what hit you. You are not to him what you think you are. Yes, you make him feel good and yes he has a great time with you. But he is very experienced and with age comes knowlege, particularly about the stupidity of other people. He is totally lying to you about his marriage and knows exactly what you want to hear. No doubt he even downplays it so that it doesn't sound overly dramatic. Maybe his wife does annoy him at times, but he's not miserable. His affair most likely has nothing to do with his wife. It has to do with him wanting to experience sleeping with more than one woman, and he enjoys the games and the chase that comes with 'dating' again. You are an object. And if you left him, he'd either chase you because he gets a thrill out of it, or he'll move on to someone else. No matter what you end up doing, just remember where you stand and then you won't end up being surprised when it all goes straight to hell.
Angel1111 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Excuse me, didn't you just blame his WIFE for the failure of his marriage. I believe her spending money was the cause. That isn't rational thinking. No one thing or person can cause a marriage to fail. But a cheater sure can speed things up and you are helping him drive in the fast lane. Sometimes it is the wife....and sometimes it's the husband. And sometimes it's both of them, or just really bad chemistry. The point is, the OP doesn't know. She only knows what he's telling her and there's no doubt that it's only a partial truth, or mostly a lie.
Angel1111 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 But he is very experienced and with age comes knowlege, particularly about the stupidity of other people. ....and, sorry, I shouldn't have used the word 'stupidity'. What I should've said was 'guilibility'. You're not stupid and I don't even think you sound immature. You just sound like a sweet girl in love and you don't realize how you're hurting yourself by being in this relationship. I'm not overly concerned with the 'right' or 'wrong' aspects of it because that rarely comes into play when emotions run high. It's just that you are guilible and he knows it. I'm more pissed off with him for using you this way and for not being more wise about his actions. But the sad part is, you're going to need to learn to be more protective of yourself because other people can't do it for you. I know that older men can be so much better than younger guys who are just young, hot to trot, and totally unconcerned about making a woman feel good. Older men are usually smarter, cooler and calmer. But he is married and this is where you're making a mistake. People stay in relationships like this for years with an endless stream of heartbreak. I hope you will not stay with him for years and years because you deserve so much better.
MegaMags Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 You have asked for others to share their wisdom and insight with you. You have got some very well thought out replies here - especially the one from Lizzie60 who is warning you that you are being manupulated and will be destroyed by a MM who has all the power and control. Why aren't you listening. Think carefully about exactly what you want to hold on to here. Also it would help you to understand why you have chosen a man who is so much older than yourself. There is a reason for this and it is to do with you not him
GreenEyedLady Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 I am lost in love, please advise. Thanks! My advice is to post in the OW forum. You'll get support over there.
dannydrifter Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 This is what my friends think, he is in his mid 50's, I am in my late 20's, we get along like we have known each other our entire life, can finish each others sentences, but they say he likes being with me because I make him feel younger. This could be true, but is it wrong? Wow! The guy is around 35 yrs older than you! What a lucky bastard! I'm in my late 30s and it's hard to get a chick who is around 30, let alone in her 20s. What can this guy possibly give you that a man closer to your age or maybe 10 yrs older couldn't provide? Snap out of it!!
jmargel Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Beachgirl.. how is the relationship between you and your dad? You mentioned about this guy not pressuring you for sex. Of course your dad wouldn't even think of that. Your dad would be the same age as this guy. This guy gives you attention and seems to be there to 'support' you. Better yet, if your relationship is good with your parents, talk to them about it. Unfortunetly it sounds like this guy is still married and he has done this quite alot before. To him it's an ego boost. For an older guy to get an attractive younger woman is something he is proud of. However he knows his limitations on how far it can go due to him being married. You are trying to find something in this guy that you are missing in life. Please don't base your own self-worth or happiness on this guy. This is not a good relationship to be in.
Al_Bundy Posted October 20, 2008 Posted October 20, 2008 Hello. If someone can please share their wisdom and insight with me, please do. Ok, but remember, you asked for it. I don't want to date anyone else, I do love him. He isn't the only man in the world. And if he is cheating on his wife, no matter if he simply says he is separated or not, then he aint much of a man. But I feel I am throwing my life away. You are. He has my heart and knows it. This is why it is said many times in this forum by many people that cheating, jerk, players of men get the women. You are helping propogate that theory. Obviously he is a liar and a cheater. Is that what you want in a guy? Must be if you want him. This is what my friends think, he is in his mid 50's, I am in my late 20's, we get along like we have known each other our entire life, can finish each others sentences, but they say he likes being with me because I make him feel younger. This could be true, but is it wrong? I am lost in love, please advise. Thanks! You are young, and he is old. In his mid 50's?? aye yi yi *shakes head* Yes, you are wasting your life. Not only is he a liar and a cheater, he is going to start looking like your grandpa when you are in your young 30's. If you can handle bedding down with your grandpa, then have at it. Not saying that to gross you out, trying to give you a much needed wake up call. But the age aside, he is a player (and in his 50's). he must have his s##t together to be able to snowball a young flower like you. Wake up sweetheart, he aint no prize.
Transcend Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Hi. I commend you for putting a little thought into what you've been doing. This is not about being smart (you can be a PhD and still finding yourself in this dilemma), it's about thinking about the cause & effect. Unless you've been cheated on before, try your best to put yourself in his wife's shoes. Think about the pain you've caused, even unbeknownst to you. Is this how you envision starting an honest, trusting relationship with someone you'd consider a partner for the rest of your life? Do consider more than your "fallen in love" feelings. In every relationship. there are ups and downs. If he can't work our his current marital relationship, whether it's working through it or ending it, then it may reflect a lack of commitment. Don't get yourself wrapped up in his mess. I've learnt that there are reasons why old adages have stood time. Such as, "there are many other fishes in the sea." No one can tell you what to do, but know that your actions reflect your moral character.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 You think I am immature. Let me tell you this, he is not like the guys I known who are in their 20's that think they are entitled to sex on the first date. He never pressured me to have sex with him until I wanted to and it was a mutual decision. Of course he didn't. he is a married man. Do you think he probably didn't think that if he came of as a jerk that wanted sex right away that you wouldn't want to rat him out to his wife for the cheating jerk that he is? And the fact that he wanted to wait outweighs the FACT that he is a cheater? some people REALLY make their own beds
Dexter Morgan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 immature? I am a college graduate. What does being a college grad have to do with maturity level?
Dexter Morgan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum. Makes you wonder when the divorce rate is at 50%, why all these marriages fail. I didn't know married men can't have female friends? huh?? You 2 are just "friends" eh? if that is the case, and there is nothing wrong with it, then tell his wife you are having sex with her husband then get back to us on how that went.
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