Lucky_One Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Do you have any friends who can hook you up with a hot guy so that you're being seen around campus and town with this hot guy? Or do you know a hot guy who will be willing to play your new "hang out" man around campus? If your boyfriend finds out you're moving on.....with a hot new guy, he'll be calling and begging you back. This technique with the fade-out will work wonders for you, if he's really worth getting back. Game playing and lying rarely works for a strong relationship. And even if SP tried this and it worked once, she is going to get pretty sick of doing this every two months just to get her BF to come back to her for a couple of weeks before he is tired of her again.
pretty professional Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Shadow, you don't love this guy--you are just completely dependent on him. Is your self-esteem really that low? Do you really not realize how much better you can do? Please don't continue this stupid relationship so you have to keep writing these stupid threads. This board is called Loveshack and who are you to tell her to not keep on writing these threads? She needs support and it is difficult to just "end it" with someone you really care about.
Lishy Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Shadow, alas, is in a very destructive and dependant relationship One day she will see this, but until then she needs support from wherever he can get it! I feel sorry for her
whichwayisup Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Yes, I snooped. Well, to be fair he left his email open on my computer and I saw the first line of the chat "I hate my gf" and clicked to read the rest. I know I shouldn't have, but it's hard not to when I don't trust him. Why are you still with this guy? HE IS A JERK, AN A-HOLE, A C**T! How many times can you go back to him before you realize that he IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE? He is unhealthy for you, you know this, yet you keep wanting to give him more chances, when he comes to you, crying and begging that he'll change and it'll be different this time. Shadow, it's time to take the bull by the horns and END IT once and for all. Don't think about it, just DO IT!
whichwayisup Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 And most of the time I'll be OK, but then I'll get this sudden sharp pain, like I desperately miss and need him. It's OK to miss him, but WHY do you "need" him? Why on earth would you NEED a man who treats you worse than a piece of poo? In your situation the bad outweighs the good and it's been like that for a VERY long time, but you seem so focussed on the 'good stuff' which lasts about 2 minutes.
Author shadowplay Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 I have somehow managed not to contact him. It's been really, really hard today. Everything reminds me of him. I heard the song "One" by U2 on the radio and all the lyrics seemed to speak to me, especially "we hurt each other and we do it again....you say love is a temple, love the higher law, you ask me to enter but then you make me crawl, and I can't be holding on to what you got when all you got is hurt." Pretty sappy. Then I read up on Bono (I don't even like Bono) and how he's been with his high school sweetheart for thirty years. How she took care of him after his mother's death when he was fourteen. That reminded me of how my bf's mother neglected him. Somehow that aspect of my bf's history makes him much more compelling to me. I've always been a sucker for lost boys. I was this close to caving this afternoon, but he called me first. It was a brief conversation and I said very little. He invited me to a screen printing workshop tonight, but I told him I would be out of town (true). Then he said, "I want to tell you I'm sorry. And I hope we can straighten things out." He said that he would make an appointment with mental services at the school so he could battle some of his patterns. Then he said "I miss you." There was a pause at the end of the conversation and that was it. I was scared to say anything either way. I couldn't cave and tell him I missed him. But if I said "I'm sorry, M, I don't want to see you anymore," I was afraid I would just go back on my word later. So I said nothing in paralysis. Somehow hearing from him was a release and has made it a tiny bit easier to stay strong.
D-Jam Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Shadow, it's clear to me that your RL is falling apart. I think you two should just rationally talk about it all, air complaints and differences, and then just mutually decide if you both want to try to fix it, or end it and look for better more compatible mates. Stewing about it won't help.
Vertex Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 IMO you need to stay strong and break off this relationship. It seems to me you have a lot of personal confidence issues that you are better off rectifying without this guy in your life, especially considering how he has treated you. You deserve someone who will make you feel good about yourself, and he is not going to be that man for you, I would wager. Furthermore, you need to work on improving your self-perception and image so you can feel better about yourself and start living with a healthier mindset. This guy is likely not going to be a catalyst for those kind of necessary growths.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 This board is called Loveshack and who are you to tell her to not keep on writing these threads? She needs support and it is difficult to just "end it" with someone you really care about. Says a person who's been around for one whole month of Shadow's threads, versus a person who's been seeing them (and they're all like this, believe me) right from the beginning? Ok. It's not difficult to "just end it" with someone who really clearly has no respect for you, as long as you have respect for yourself.
Author shadowplay Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I invited him over last night so we could officially have a talk and I could tell him I want to break up. It was really hard because he pulled out all the stops. Brought a bouquet of flowers and a bag full of food. Told me that he loved me and had missed me terribly over the weekend and felt totally empt without me. That he had been listening to songs I liked on his computer and feeling sad. I told him that I wanted to break things off indefinitely or at least until I saw that he made some major strides in therapy. Apparently he had made an appointment with the mental health center the day before. Contrary to what everyone else believes, I do think he genuinely cares about me but is just messed up. That makes the whole thing sadder.
Jilly Bean Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Contrary to what everyone else believes, I do think he genuinely cares about me but is just messed up. I don't disagree with this, Shadow. Some people just can't love in a healthy way. I am VERY proud of you for throwing down the gauntlet. Only good things can come from this - you will have your independence and a sense of peace, and hopefully he will benefit from therapy.
Author shadowplay Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 I don't disagree with this, Shadow. Some people just can't love in a healthy way. I am VERY proud of you for throwing down the gauntlet. Only good things can come from this - you will have your independence and a sense of peace, and hopefully he will benefit from therapy. Thanks, Jilly! It's been really hard, but I'm also starting to feel excited about my new independence. I hope the therapy helps him too, even if we don't reunite ever again. I think he has a good heart beneath the bad patterns.
Lishy Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I hope you do stay gone SP, I think you need to be away from him
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Apparently he had made an appointment with the mental health center the day before The operative word is here "apparently." You don't know for sure if he has or hasn't. I guess time will tell. Either way, he needs to be in counselling for a LONG time and he needs to work on himself. This isn't going to happen overnight, so don't let him manipuate you. STAY strong!
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