shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 It was really painful to read this: me: I hate my girlfriend Laura: what has happened? me: nothing really, she's just really really needy and I"m sick of her **** I mean, I was sick of her **** before but now I am just super sick of it I don't even know how to respond to it Laura: you living at a distance from her yes? me: well we go to the same school Laura: oh I can only say what I have always said. you deserve and should want to to be with someone who makes you happy. trite but true me: yeah... well I find that "sad" is the only emotion that my girlfriend ever has or maybe angry and she isn't ever the force of going and doing something interesting. frequently she is the force of preventing us from doing fun things (not true. This was all spurred by the fact that one friday night I didn't feel up to going out on the town as I had been up the night before studying for a test, and he basically started yelling at me for being tired. I've gone to parties on multiple other occasions just to please him.) take ballroom dancing for one she is anti-dancing (Again, not true. I went dancing with him a week before this. I've just been busy on Monday nights when the dancing club meets.) I thought that girls ate that stuff up or roadtrips... she doesn't have a drivers license I think the problem that I have with Shadowplay is that she is still a spoiled child. She is the laziest most pampered little bitch I have ever met. (What a two-faced a-hole. I can't believe this crap came out of his fingers a week after he was talking about being "engaged.") and she doesn't appreciate all the things that I do for her the only things that she has going for her is that she is both smart and beautiful but neither can surrmount her vices which are growing like fungi I mean, I think that she has broken through some of my emotional barriers which is good.... but then the closer I feel towards her the more she uses me 2:50 PM why can't she just be nice and she always always always has this frown on her face no matter what the circumstance Laura: I think the world of you, and I also think that these are things that you should discuss with her. Does she know how you really feel about all this? me: she never wants to go to parties and if we do go she wants to leave immediately (God, he's totally making up sh@@t and generalizing based on one night when I was tired from studying!) she isn't any fun. no fun. 2:56 PM that's the problem... that I try to be positive and happy and fun... she is always lethargic... sad... and full of excuses so the dynamic is that I'm always fighting against her sadness and she brings me down or she expects me to lift her up I think I'm going to break up with her and I think I'm going toforward this rant to her she makes me so mad
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 What are you going to do, Shadow? I don't know...
Jilly Bean Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I don't know... I can understand you feeling betrayed. It was just a few weeks ago that he was proposing! But, you knew then to be smart to not trust it fully. Seems like his pendulum has really swungeth. Did he send you this, or did you find it?
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 That's no way to speak about someone you 'supposedly' care about. May I ask how you found this discussion? You weren't snooping were you? If you were, you won't do yourself any favours when coming to deal with this issue, if you choose to do so. Yes, I snooped. Well, to be fair he left his email open on my computer and I saw the first line of the chat "I hate my gf" and clicked to read the rest. I know I shouldn't have, but it's hard not to when I don't trust him.
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Looks like he's given you good reason not to. So do we have a 'kick him to the kerb' moment coming up....?
Jilly Bean Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Yes, I snooped. Well, to be fair he left his email open on my computer and I saw the first line of the chat "I hate my gf" and clicked to read the rest. I know I shouldn't have, but it's hard not to when I don't trust him. Oh, all of us would have read it. Still, the point remains as to how to handle it. I guess you have a few options swirling...
Sks Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I could not have sex with someone I hated, neither would I ask them to marry me. You have some strange relationships......
You'reasian Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 It was really painful to read this: me: I hate my girlfriend Laura: what has happened? me: nothing really, she's just really really needy and I"m sick of her **** I mean, I was sick of her **** before but now I am just super sick of it I don't even know how to respond to it Laura: you living at a distance from her yes? me: well we go to the same school Laura: oh I can only say what I have always said. you deserve and should want to to be with someone who makes you happy. trite but true me: yeah... well I find that "sad" is the only emotion that my girlfriend ever has or maybe angry and she isn't ever the force of going and doing something interesting. frequently she is the force of preventing us from doing fun things (not true. This was all spurred by the fact that one friday night I didn't feel up to going out on the town as I had been up the night before studying for a test, and he basically started yelling at me for being tired. I've gone to parties on multiple other occasions just to please him.) take ballroom dancing for one she is anti-dancing (Again, not true. I went dancing with him a week before this. I've just been busy on Monday nights when the dancing club meets.) I thought that girls ate that stuff up or roadtrips... she doesn't have a drivers license I think the problem that I have with Shadowplay is that she is still a spoiled child. She is the laziest most pampered little bitch I have ever met. (What a two-faced a-hole. I can't believe this crap came out of his fingers a week after he was talking about being "engaged.") and she doesn't appreciate all the things that I do for her the only things that she has going for her is that she is both smart and beautiful but neither can surrmount her vices which are growing like fungi I mean, I think that she has broken through some of my emotional barriers which is good.... but then the closer I feel towards her the more she uses me 2:50 PM why can't she just be nice and she always always always has this frown on her face no matter what the circumstance Laura: I think the world of you, and I also think that these are things that you should discuss with her. Does she know how you really feel about all this? me: she never wants to go to parties and if we do go she wants to leave immediately (God, he's totally making up sh@@t and generalizing based on one night when I was tired from studying!) she isn't any fun. no fun. 2:56 PM that's the problem... that I try to be positive and happy and fun... she is always lethargic... sad... and full of excuses so the dynamic is that I'm always fighting against her sadness and she brings me down or she expects me to lift her up I think I'm going to break up with her and I think I'm going toforward this rant to her she makes me so mad Looks like you guys need some time apart.
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Looks like you guys need to part. Full stop.
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 The thing is this conversation happened two weeks ago, and things have been better since. But I guess that doesn't matter, because his inconsistency is the problem. I confronted him about the conversation just now and he apologized somewhat but was mostly fuming at me for snooping (and still is). He was barely talking to me when he left. One of the things that upsets me most is how much he trashes me to other people, routinely. I can't decided whether this is justified or not. Whenever we have a fight he goes to his friends, family, whoever is around and rips into me. (He's confirmed as much.) And he rarely if ever says anything nice about me when things are going well. Not only that but he always gives a really biased account. It's gotten to the point that I feel uncomfortable being around everybody he knows because I know they all have a bad impression of me and have probably urged him to break up with me at various points. I can't be friends with any of his friends or relatives for this reason. He would even trash me to his landlady and housemates. Is this normal? I mean I know people vent their frustrations about their relationships to friends and family, but is it normal to go on these insulting rants and then rarely have anything nice to say? I wish I could set the record straight with these people but there's no way of doing that. To make matters worse, he now gets angry at me for feeling awkward in the presence of these people.
pretty professional Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Is Laura possibly a girl he is interested in? I would break up with him. A guy who loves his girl doesn't treat her like this.
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 Is Laura possibly a girl he is interested in? I would break up with him. A guy who loves his girl doesn't treat her like this. No, they have a purely platonic relationship, believe me.
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Shadow....? G.E.T. O.U.T N.O.W. break it off. leave. Scram, and don't look back. Anyone who disses you this much, to as many people as he does, is really not worth even a post of forum space!!
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 I just don't understand how such adoring words can come out of his mouth one moment, and such vile crap the next. It makes no sense. Last night he spontaneously told me "I love you more than I've ever loved another person." He makes no sense.
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 Shadow....? Anyone who disses you this much, to as many people as he does, is really not worth even a post of forum space!! But I feel like people have the right to vent their frustrations with friends, etc. I can't decide if it's normal or not.
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Quit trying to understand....? Don't analyse....! heck, what you can see infront of you right now, should be more than enough reason to fold this up and get out of it!! What's to understand? No. It is NOT normal... It is not NORMAL!! It's rude, disrespectful, arrogant, hurtful, underhand, despicable, controlling and deceptive. But Normal..../ no. No, no. No, No, NO.
pretty professional Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 You are young, beautiful and intelligent so break up with him and find someone who loves you as you are.
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 Quit trying to understand....? Don't analyse....! heck, what you can see infront of you right now, should be more than enough reason to fold this up and get out of it!! What's to understand? I'll admit I feel like a total fool. And I was hopeful that things were going better between us. I thought we had progressed. I guess the only thing that has kept me hanging on is the fact that I'm in a new environment where I know very few people aside from him. I guess I've been waiting to make some friends before I break things off. At this point it's hard for me to feel any love for him because our relationship has become a sham/joke. It's weird. I don't even feel that hurt or emotionally invested anymore. Just feel like an idiot. Our relationship is so middle school.
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 "Everyone has the right to be an idiot for 5 minutes a day. Wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit." But your avatar's weird.
Author shadowplay Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 "Everyone has the right to be an idiot for 5 minutes a day. Wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit." But your avatar's weird. I've way exceeded that limit. Lol.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I just don't understand how such adoring words can come out of his mouth one moment, and such vile crap the next. Guess what? IT DOESN'T MATTER. You need to get your arse in gear and finish this thing off for good. Get a little courage, or a lot of courage. Trust that when you break things off, the time and mental space he used to occupy will be filled with new activities with new people. Scared or not, sometimes you have to make the leap. Your life is your choice. Is this what you want? If no, then time to start rewriting the script.
blind_otter Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 But I feel like people have the right to vent their frustrations with friends, etc. I can't decide if it's normal or not. It may just be immaturity. I learned a few years ago that it's just not a good idea to vent to friends/family when you are in a foul mood re: your partner - it just makes them hate the person you are dating/in a relationship with, and after a time that rift becomes irreparable and those people will never, ever like or accept the person you vented about so freely.
GPFan Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 The thing is this conversation happened two weeks ago, and things have been better since. But I guess that doesn't matter, because his inconsistency is the problem. I confronted him about the conversation just now and he apologized somewhat but was mostly fuming at me for snooping (and still is). He was barely talking to me when he left. One of the things that upsets me most is how much he trashes me to other people, routinely. I can't decided whether this is justified or not. Whenever we have a fight he goes to his friends, family, whoever is around and rips into me. (He's confirmed as much.) And he rarely if ever says anything nice about me when things are going well. Not only that but he always gives a really biased account. It's gotten to the point that I feel uncomfortable being around everybody he knows because I know they all have a bad impression of me and have probably urged him to break up with me at various points. I can't be friends with any of his friends or relatives for this reason. He would even trash me to his landlady and housemates. Is this normal? I mean I know people vent their frustrations about their relationships to friends and family, but is it normal to go on these insulting rants and then rarely have anything nice to say? I wish I could set the record straight with these people but there's no way of doing that. To make matters worse, he now gets angry at me for feeling awkward in the presence of these people.I will be blunt. He neither likes nor loves you but is incredibly attracted to you. What do you want for yourself? I just don't understand how such adoring words can come out of his mouth one moment, and such vile crap the next. It makes no sense. Last night he spontaneously told me "I love you more than I've ever loved another person." He makes no sense.He is broadcasting his ambivalence toward you, i.e., his lack of true feeling vs. his attraction. Again, what do you want?
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