jimbo Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 So I met this new girl on a dating site. She lives close and we had a nice time last night. Originally, we were going to meet for drinks, but that changed to dinner. The dinner, with convo. lasted for well over 3 hours. gave me a kiss on the cheek and hug. Asked her if she'd like to do something again, she said yes. Heard that before, but, she called me this morning and said she had a great time. I asked her if she wanted to do something tomorrow, she said yes. Question is, not sure where to go or what to do. She asked me, and I said, let me think about it.. Now, I really do not want to screw this up like the last one. We seem to connect on several levels, she agrees the same. Can someone lend some suggestions?
Geishawhelk Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Take her out to the countryside and find a nice small restaurant, nearby.... or go to the zoo.... or have a cinema date... or go to the beach and find shells.... or make a picnic and surprise her.... Come on man! Use your head! The more touching and unusual, the nice it will be for her!
Author jimbo Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 I'm really green on these date things. Some good ideas. Thanks...
Author jimbo Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 We decided on something we both liked and it is set for tomorrow. We'll be spending most of the afternoon together. Anyone give me some tips on how I should act? In terms of closeness and such? It seems I am either too close or too far away from the ladies in my past relationships. I really want to get this one just right. The problem is, the time I know what the lady likes and dislikes, she looses interest in me, as in relationship material. Really do not want this to go this way.. She initiated the call this morning. So, that should be a good sign. No? When I asked to spend the day together tomorrow, she said it sounded like some fun. Especially, in the way I worded it. Spending time instead of hanging out or something less intimate. Another question did come up in my mind. I had always been told the man should pay for the dinner and such; at least in the beginning. When she reached for the check last night, I told her I got it. I thought that was the right thing to do.. But, I do not want to get in the habit of paying for everything. Not saying it would, but how should I approach the museum admin, movie, and lunch tomorrow? Switch off? See what she does? If she does nothing, how should I react? She does not seem like that type of person, but, its only the second date. The first date, was originally just drinks. I suggested we go for dinner, and she agreed. It seems she seems interested.. Anyways.. need some directions here from the experienced posters at LS.
BlueHarvest Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I suggest...since you said your going to a museum. Go dutch. Guide her to the ticket booth (whatever it is they sell the musem tickets in)...buy yours and clearly make a point of saying "one please" or something. She'll buy her own. OR you can have her in front of you....see what she does. If she looks at you for a second or hesitates...she wants you to pay. If she says just one, then go dutch, and if she offers to pay for yours..let her. You have to let her empower this relationship just like you are. As for how you should act...act like yourself....Do NOT put on a show....if you try to put on an act you'll only screw yourself over later.
Author jimbo Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 Thanks Blue for the advice, I appreciate it. However, how do I know if she is waiting for me to kiss her? Are their tell tale signs I should look for?
Author jimbo Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 So, we went to a nice place and spent the better part of a few hours together walking around and talking. Not many silent moments, but several times we were talking about each other to get to know each other better. Laughed most of the time too. She paid for admission for both of us too. She was smiling all of the time, so was I. Hugged her when I first saw her, but at the end of day when I dropped her off at her car from my car, she said she really had a great time with me, said by and then closed the door. Stupidly, as I was driving away, I thought to myself, I should had attempted to give her a good by hug or (attempt) a kiss. Keep in mind, it has only been two tim we've been together (friday night). Two hours or so each day. So, how bad did I screw this up? I was thinking mid-week texting or e-mailing her seeing if she wanted to do something at the end of the week. Therefore, if I did screw it up, there would be no awkward moments on the telephone.
raclar Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I;m not sure I would wait til mid-week to make contact.. maybe just send a text saying you had a great time.. let her know that you still like her. Waiting that long might make her think that SHE screwed up and that you don't like her any more. As for kissing... maybe try something while ON the date? Don't wait til the end.. there's no law that says kissing must be done at the end of the date.
Author jimbo Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 I did text her earlier today after I dropped her off at her car stating I had a great time and looking forward in spending time again soon. Though, I did not hear anything back from her. Though, I did not officially ask her to do anything yet. In terms of kissing, which I am not very experienced with, how do you do it without looking or feeling awkward?
Author jimbo Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Well, I guess Jimbo strikes out again. Left a voice message yesterday morning on her telephone, never heard back. You spend two dates with someone, the least you can do is call, e-mail, or text the other person back. Sometimes I wonder, why bother. Just not worth the heartache.
SushiX Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Well, I guess Jimbo strikes out again. Left a voice message yesterday morning on her telephone, never heard back. You spend two dates with someone, the least you can do is call, e-mail, or text the other person back. Sometimes I wonder, why bother. Just not worth the heartache. Give her some time. Girls are indecisive. Don't wait on her tho, do your thang, she'll come around if she likes you enough.
flc Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Well, I guess Jimbo strikes out again. Left a voice message yesterday morning on her telephone, never heard back. You spend two dates with someone, the least you can do is call, e-mail, or text the other person back. Sometimes I wonder, why bother. Just not worth the heartache. I would give her one more call, leave a message that you enjoyed being with her and if she was interested give you a call. If she calls she is interested if not move on. Why fret, you had a nice couple of dates, you enjoyed yourself. Don't get wrapped up in thinking past were you are at, view dating as a social experience and go out and have fun. That way you will not get disappointed and if you find someone that works out it is a big plus rather than an expectation.
Author jimbo Posted October 17, 2008 Author Posted October 17, 2008 Yea, I know. Just it so different than from where we started. She just texted me on Tuesday saying we can do something. No call after my voicemail. No response to my txts. It is also possible she lost or broke her phone. I could send an e-mail, but that may be a bit much after two dates.
prettybaby Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 The odds of her having lost or broken her phone are slim and we all know that. She got your messages and didn't bother responding, so I'm thinking something could have put her off on that last date you had. As a girl, here are my guesses: - maybe she was hoping for a little spark that day and it didn't happen, so she decided to put you in the friend zone instead. Meaning she'll casually stay in touch from now on, but she won't respond to every text within a heartbeat. In which case, all hope isn't lost just yet, because you can always get out of the friend zone if you do the right things. She's not completely ignoring you, so hey, she must like you enough to stay in touch. - or perhaps she's been dating different guys simultaneously and is simply evaluating her options now. - third possibility: she got really busy or has some personal issues she's dealing with at the moment, which are making it hard for her to focus on some date. What's her current situation? Could she be overloaded with work? Studies? Looking for a job? Family issues? There are so many things that could be keeping her busy right now. Not necessarily anything dramatic, but you get the point. Speaking of kissing: yes, you clearly missed your chance in that car Did she quickly jump out when the car stopped though? I can't imagine that, but if she did, then I'm thinking she had already made up her mind at that point that you were no longer boyfriend material. A girl who doesn't want to be kissed won't stay in a situation where it could happen. And the good old goodnight kiss in the car is a popular one ... So she either stuck around for at least half a minute before reaching out for that door handle (in which case you missed your chance), or she smiled, said goodnight and got out (in which you didn't miss your chance at all because she had already decided i was over).
carhill Posted October 18, 2008 Posted October 18, 2008 OP, as they say..... next I can tell you that indecision will cook your goose with nearly any woman, especially one who doesn't know you well. A woman is attracted to a decisive man. This is because they want to change you into a compliant man after they marry you Seriously, if you're attracted to a woman and on a date with her, whenever there is a quiet moment and you find yourselves making prolonged eye contact, that is the time to kiss her. Do it decisively. If she resists, accept that, smile and go on like nothing happened. This will tell her you are decisive and can accept a situational rejection without it damaging your self-esteem. This is also attractive. Watch how things go after you attempt to or do kiss her. A woman's behaviors and body language indicate her interest far more honestly than do her words IME. If this girl calls you back and you're still interested and haven't met someone else, consider going out with her. Don't make the same mistake twice
Author jimbo Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Yea, the car thing happened last weekend. We were still txting and she did not bring it up and still responded to my txts. Its really strange, cause we txted on Tuesday. Then called on Wednesday and left a message. Did not hear back, so I txted her Thursday morning, nothing back. If she is not interested, hey that's understandable. But not to e-mail, txt back, or call and leave a message saying hey I enjoyed the time, but I just do seeing it working out would be the right thing to do. We are not children here. Just avoiding any response is not really a fair way to handle anything. Even if I do not like someone I was dating, I would say that. I would not leave them holding and guessing. She's self-employed, so I doubt it was work issues. Even though, does it take more than a few seconds to say thanks but no thanks? I do not like being belittled by anyone. It seems like a simple diagnoses of she being a flake. I have been on dates that did not work out before, just never had a dead fish response like this. Again, makes no sense. None the less, even if it was something personal, the damage is done. A person does not respond to another person in over four days is just not right. I am moving on. I sometimes ask myself why I put myself through this. Is it really worth the additional stress? Probably not.
likestolaugh Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 indeed. If you consider this person to be inconsiderate and rude, then moving on should be pretty simple
Author jimbo Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Am I wrong to do so? Has anyone heard of something like this? I mean, we are both above 30. One would think, at that age, could tell the other one I am not in to you. That would hard, but at least I can understand why. But, not to respond to any communication? In terms on how I treat a lady on a date. If I am too aggressive (I.E. go into kissing and sexual situations, I am a pig). If I am too passive and let things take its course, them I am too slow and wasting each others time. Where is the happy medium? Understanding the correct way to deal within a lady seems harder than understanding the IRS tax code.
carhill Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 OP, physical intimacy is progressive. Re-read my posting above. The message a woman sends when resisting your advances is either she's not interested or she's interested but not ready yet. If the former, she won't respond to your future contacts; if the latter, she will respond and remain in contact with you. Then, the next time the opportunity presents itself and you feel the desire, try again. That's how it's worked in nearly all my experiences, and I'm not an aggressive man. Edited to add, if you do find yourself in the midst of an enjoyable kiss, enjoy it and her. No rush. Leave other things for the future. Another tip: Once you move forward, never go backwards. Always remain as physically intimate as you've been, if not more so. Physical contact is an important part of a loving relationship.
Author jimbo Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Seems kind of a cold way to do something. If you are not interested, a message saying you are not interested is too hard to do? We txted a day after the last meet in doing something again. Why would she respond to that, but a couple of days later nothing else. Plus, she's the one who told me we have so much in common. Do you see? Nothing here adds up.
carhill Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 OP, don't confuse a woman's actions with her words. Watch her actions. They speak volumes This includes lack of sharing revelations of disinterest Also, even old farts in nursing homes don't limit themselves to one woman. You should see the old Casanova's at my mom's facility working the halls
Star Gazer Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 Given what you've posted, I'm sensing that this gal knows you lack any semblance of confidence and has thus lost interest.
Author jimbo Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 Star, that may be the case. I do still think a response either way would be the appropriate thing to do. Just to ignore communication is not very mature. I may be inept in expressing my feelings, but I do know now to communicate. That is all I am trying to figure out. Her body language towards me was always close. She even said she enjoy my company very much before leaving. While I may had missed the second date opportunity, why would she still txt me for the next two days, then all of a sudden, stop all communication? If you look at it from that POV, it really does not add up.
DollWelch Posted October 19, 2008 Posted October 19, 2008 While I may had missed the second date opportunity, why would she still txt me for the next two days, then all of a sudden, stop all communication? If you look at it from that POV, it really does not add up. If you really think about it, it does add up. There is one of two things happening in this situation/relationship: (1) She's trying to take a break between dates for some fresh air, while thinking about her next move with you. (2) She's not into you, and is kindly trying to just gently let go of you.. by texting you a couple of times, and hoping that you'll get the message. You may end up just being an acquaintance or a friend. Either way, don't jump to conclusions just yet. Give it some time. Eventually though I think it's best to really think about what you really want. Are you really into her? Are there sparks flying, and you can't get enough of each other? When there is an intense attraction on both sides, you can notice it right away, it doesn't take playing mind games to get to your goal.
Author jimbo Posted October 19, 2008 Author Posted October 19, 2008 The last txt message I received from her was to her interest to watch a movie together. Does that sound like she is sending me something negative? According to her, which brought up to me when she said we have so much in common was we like the same activities, beliefs, food, music, etc. I then said, ok, we do have a few things in common and expanded from there. Now, fast forward a few days, no response from voicemails or txt. Left one of each. Did not send again. If she calls or txts, fine, she should have a good reason. Like someone died. Even that, not to even leave a note to me, just not right. I am not (that) paranoid. I just am trying to piece things together. That is all. Seems very hard to do with little information.
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