I don't know what to do right now, she wants out.

[SRC]

Hi all,

 

I appreciate this community a lot and have been here for 3 years, but had to start a new account for this.

 

Situation: My spouse (commonlaw) and I have been together for a little over 4 years. We have a son together and own our house.

 

The other day, she was driving me to work when she asked me if I was happy. I said yes, scared of where this was going. Truthfully, what my 'yes' meant was...not completely, but not unhappy enough to end our relationship. Anyways, during this drive, she told she wasn't happy. Hasn't been for a while. This shouldn't come as a surprise as it has come up in the past, but I thought things had gotten better. She said she is worried because it feels more like we are friends than a couple. In the past, she would always say that she never found other guys attractive...like ever. I never believed that, as I personally don't think there is anything wrong with finding other people attractive as long as that's as far as it gets. Anyways, she said that has changed now...she is now noticing other guys as being attractive. Like I said, that wouldn't normally bother me, but the fact that she never used to feel that, and now she does...it worries me.

 

Anyways, she dropped me off at work, I talked to the manager, and got on a bus back home. There was no way I could work after that.

 

As we have all read 1000 times before...she feels she has lost who she is, doesn't think I am the outgoing, fun person that I used to be (which I agree is true and wish it wasn't), no affection, and she thinks it might be over.

 

After a talk, I basically took the side of "so it's over, let's come up with a plan as to what is going to happen now." Party because that's how it was feeling, and partly to play a little hardball and make her realize that if she doesn't want to put an effort into fixing it, then there's no point wasting time...make your move. I said I would look for an apartment, she said no...I could stay at the house as she has family in town and I do not.

 

We talked about when she would be moving out and how next's week schedule would work with our son. This was really upsetting. I don't really want this. I don't want to lose her. I love her. I don't want my son to have a broken family.

 

Anyways, the next day, I didn't go into work again...so we were home most of the day together. We didn't say too much to each other for a while. We would talk, and would have fun with our son together, but the topic didn't really come up untill I finally asked, "are you sure there isn't anything in you that wants to try and make this work?" Her response was that she needed the day to think about it.

 

Later in the day, we were talking more, and were able to smile still, but no touching, no "relationship talk"...just random conversation and playing with child. At one point, it seemed really relaxed and good, and since I have been thinking about it all day, I asked if I could give her a hug. She thought about it, and admitted that she had been thinking all day, but declined, saying it is too easy to just fall back into things as if nothing is wrong. Said she just wants the weekend to think and what not. She works this weekend and has a family function, so I'll only see her on and off.

 

I am not pressuring her as much as it takes for me to restraing from bringing it up or wanting to just tell her I love her. She isn't afraid to smile, doesn't seem overly upset, but she is keeping her distance.

 

I can understand where she is coming from, and agree on the issues she has. I too, want a more fun and outgoing relationship, I want to be closer and more affectionate...I really do. But I think I need help myself. Too often, when I come home from work, I am tired, I play with our child, but I don't pay too much attention to her. She has often brought up the fact that we don't talk much or have conversation with each other..but that's usually right after work and I am tired and really don't want to talk about work...I hate my job.

 

Anyways, it's just weird because things seemed okay lately. Not perfect...but okay. We'd meet for lunch when I was at work, or go out together, and had fun doing it. But she's right that I haven't been as affectionate as I need to be for quite some time.

 

I have a hard time getting negatives out of my head lately, so it puts me in a negative frame of mind. Sometimes she might say something as a joke, but because of my negativity, I don't take it as a joke and ignore it or take offense to it. Then I guess she feels she can't have fun with me.

 

I work full time, and I am finishing my degree right now so I am very busy, and there's not a lot of extra time.

 

Anyways, I really want to fix these things and fix our relationship, but I need her to want that too...and right now I don't think it would be smart to bring it up. She seems like she just needs her time.

 

As for me, I am trying to smile a lot, be helpful, and play with my son. It's itching me like crazy to bring it up, but I don't think it's smart.

 

Tonight, her family is having a supper. She said I could come if I want still, but asked if I could come home with our son so she could stay and visit with family. I am declining the supper invite I think.

 

She also called on her way to work today and said her mom said I could come over today while wife is at work if I get bored. I'm not sure about that one, maybe my son and I will go for a visit for a bit. I'm not sure what these invites mean.

 

So the situation is not hostile by any means, but she feels like this has come up too many times, and nothing has changed, so she is feeling as though she is not in love anymore and doesn't think it can be fixed. On the other hand, she has spent the last 2 nights here (albeit with me on couch) and has still invited me to family functions...seems more of a courtesy thing and her wanting me to be there.

 

Anyways, am I doing things right? Any advice? Should I just keep my mouth shut? It feels a little weird giving her space when intimicy and affection is a big part of the problem.

[SRC]

I should also mention that the last time we had a big troubles surface, we had looked into counsellors and got some names and numbers, but never actually went. I guess we just kinda rushed back into things, felt good for a while, and the same old issues resurfaced because we never dealt with them properly in the first place.

 

I am completely open to counselling, or anything that will help. I am just afraid to bring that up to her right now as I don't want to pressure her or make her rush anything. I'm just trying to give her space.

[SoleMate]

Please check out the Marriage Builders website. They have great advice for people who have hit a marriage "blah" zone. Also the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It will help each of you understand what the other needs emotionally.

 

I'm all for having happiness and enjoyment in life and in one's relationship, BUT.......if one person's temporary "blah" feeling can break up a home without either partner making serious efforts to fix it, then no child is safe!

 

I don't see anything here that sounds unfixable. You just have to have some courage, faith and also the good info from the book and website above.

[Geishawhelk]

I also think her continuously putting off giving you a decision, stinks of someone really not knowing where her mind is right now....It's a bit unfair to keep you dangling, but she's torn between becoming independent, which is frankly scary, or staying with you in the security of familiar same-old, same-old....

 

So Counselling - if you could suggest it - may be a good idea.

However, I think you need to reassure her (and you yourself will have to face) that Counselling isn't necessarily about keeping you together. It's about a meeting of minds and finding yourselves on the same page. Even if you both turn it, and discover you're about to start different chapters.

[SRC]

Thank you very much for your replies!

 

What are your thoughts on going to the family supper tonight that she said I could still come to.

 

Good idea to go as an opporunity to be happy and interact with her family? Or bad idea, stay home and give her space?

[imagine]

Please check out the Marriage Builders website. They have great advice for people who have hit a marriage "blah" zone. Also the book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. It will help each of you understand what the other needs emotionally.

 

I'm all for having happiness and enjoyment in life and in one's relationship, BUT.......if one person's temporary "blah" feeling can break up a home without either partner making serious efforts to fix it, then no child is safe!

 

I don't see anything here that sounds unfixable. You just have to have some courage, faith and also the good info from the book and website above.

 

Yep! Yep! Yep and yep.

[You'reasian]

Can you take a vacation together?

[SRC]

Can you take a vacation together?

Unfortunately not. I think that would do wonders, but with work, school, and child...it's just not possible right at this moment. Maybe after Christmas.

 

But right now, that is not something she would be interested in doing. It's past that point.

 

I went to her family's place for a bit with our son while she was at work and had a good time. When she got there, she decided to take our son home for a nap as he needed one. I had to run an errand, and she told me I could take her car. "Her" car. Not "the" car like it used to be. Granted, it is her car...she owned if before we met, but it was always considered our car. Maybe I'm reading to much into that.

 

Anyways, we're both home right now, son is sleeping. We've exchanged a few words, but nothing much.

 

I still don't know if I should go back for supper or not.

[Geishawhelk]

I wouldn't.

If she asks you why you didn't go, ask her if she knows what a square peg in a round hole, feels like....

[SRC]

This sucks so much. I hate the fact that a few days ago, I could have a good hug, tell her I love her, and see her smile...and now we can hardly even make eye contact. We're in the same bloody room, and can't even hold a conversation.

 

Her step dad today asked me how things were going with us. I said I had no idea. He said he hopes things work out. Me too. But it's so frustrating being so helpless. What was supposed to be a nice weekend with the family has turned into the worst weekend of my life. She seems so cold to me.

[SRC]

I wouldn't.

If she asks you why you didn't go, ask her if she knows what a square peg in a round hole, feels like....

Hehe. The thing is though, her family is cool and is expecting me there for supper. So who knows. If I go, everything will be normal except her and me.

[You'reasian]

Hehe. The thing is though, her family is cool and is expecting me there for supper. So who knows. If I go, everything will be normal except her and me.

 

Tough situation. How about spiritual guidance - church activities that support couples?

[Geishawhelk]

In which case, you'll be able to cut the atmosphere with a knife, and nobody will be normal.

 

It's the way it goes.

You know that really, don't you....?

 

Make your excuses to her family and apologise. Explain to them that ....."really, with the current frame of things, you would not be good company, and it would hurt you like dah-dah to be there. 'Sides, you'd hate to be part of an atmosphere, so thanks so much guys, but you'll withdraw from this one."

There'll be other times when the crud has settled.

As it will.

[SRC]

I have kind of a play by play here for you guys.

 

I might have just done something bad...or maybe it was needed...I don't know.

 

But she was just sitting there occupied with something and I decided to just quietly say "you know, I still really love you. This is very hard."

 

She sighed, and said she can't talk right now...but then did a little. She said she is just not emotionally "there"...I guess not feeling anything towards me right now. Earlier, she got some fancy shoes out, so I figured that she must be going out somewhere tonight, and a call from her cousin pretty much confirmed that. So, I worked up the gall to ask her if she was seeing someone. She said no, she's not ready for that.

 

When she said she didn't know if she could ever get the feelings back, I asked if she would be at all interested in seeing a counsellor with me. She didn't really answer, and just said she needs some time to figure out if there is anything there. She said we've been together pretty much since it all went down (which is true because I didn't go to work for 2 days) so she hasn't had a chance to figure anything out. She said it seems like everything has just gone back to normal. I said not for me, this is not what I want normal to be. I told her the only reason I brought this up was so she knew that me just kind of giving her space wasn't because I didn't care about what was happening, but because I just wanted to try and give her space. That's pretty much when I made my decision that I am not going to supper.

 

Anyways, she just left to go back to her moms to get ready for the supper...she asked me to wake our son up if he's not up shortly here. I said "do you want me to drop him off for supper?" She said "aren't you coming?" I said, "well...no."

 

She said "yeah, I guess so. But my family doesn't mind, they won't be weird."

 

I said "yeah I know, you're family is good to me...but it's not your family that...you know."

 

So anyways, I'll have to drop my son off there for supper, say hello, and then likely duck out and pick him up again later.

 

My question is...if she needs this time away from me, why hasn't she just moved to her moms already? Why is she still staying here? Why is she inviting me for supper? Yesterday, she did a bunch of laundry and I was helping her fold it all. She put all my stuff in one basket, hers in another. I was expecting that she was just going to take her basket and go to her moms. But to my surprise, she took it and put it all away in our dresser.

 

Now given, her mom does have company this weekend, so maybe she's waiting until the chaos settles there before she moves there.

 

But man, I was hoping this, like other fights, would pass in a day or two and we'd make up. But that is certainly not the case this time. Over the past day, in my mind...we were still together but she was on the brink of leaving and trying to make up her mind. But it now seems that in her mind, we are already broken up, and her thinking is just making sure this is what she really wants.

 

I guess I should just move on as best I can at this point. At this point, it seems like about a 5% chance that it works out, whereas the other day I would have guessed about 60%.

 

I guess my biggest worry is that...she admitted that she now finds other guys attractive, she considers us officially done at this point, says she is emotionally checked out, and plans to go out on the town. It would kill me to know she was considering herself "back on the market" and was acting single again when she goes out...but I guess nothing is stopping her from doing that. Afterall, she owes nothing to me anymore.

 

Sighhhh. I guess I'll go get my son and take him over to the inlaws.

 

How many days should I sit back and wonder before I bring this up again? Should I wait for her to bring it up? I worry if I wait too long, I'll be left in limbo while she will have moved right on knowing her answer.

 

Thanks again for reading and replying people. Sorry my posts are so long.

[SRC]

Tough situation. How about spiritual guidance - church activities that support couples?

Neither of us were brought up religiously. There's no a chance in you know where that she would go to church activities regardless of their purpose.

 

Like I said before, at this point, she is not interested in getting help. In her mind, the time for help has past and she sees our relationship and done, and not fixable.

 

Man...one chance. That's all we ever need right? One more chance after it's too late.

 

Why can we never come to the realizations on the fly? Why can I always find my flaws after it's too late and not while it's happening?

 

I have a feeling I might stick around for supper now. What's the point in dropping my son off, coming home to feel sorry for myself for an hour, and then going back and getting him? Might as well just suck it up and stick it out.

 

I am going to try and not pay a single bit of attention to her though. I'll talk to her family and everyone else. But I'll keep communication with her to "about our son" only.

 

Wish me luck.

[SRC]

Alright so an update. I ended up staying for supper. I didn't eat, but I stayed there for a couple hours and looked after our son.

 

Didn't talk to her much at all. In fact, tried to avoid it. I think it went well.

 

Our son was clingy to me and didn't even want to go to her to say bye when we were going to leave. I have to admit, in a sinister way, that kinda made me smile inside a little bit. I felt good about the evening. Didn't pay much attention to her, son was being a daddy's boy, and I left with a bounce in my step.

 

She went out on the town tonight with 2 of her cousins. I came home, and her brother and his fiance came over and we hung out for a bit. Her brother and I are good friends. I'm not sure if they know of the situation or not.

 

Anyways, that is all. When she gets home from work tomorrow night, I think I am going to tell her I'm going out for a bit without being specific. We'll give her some more time alone, and maybe make her think about where I am a little bit.

[imagine]

I suspect that she already has her eyes set on another man.

 

All the signs are there. Which is why you should have started reading the articles at the marriage builders site. Have you started.

 

You may even need the book "Surviving an Affair" already.

[whyme393]

SRC,

 

I feel for you brother. I am in the very similar situation with my wife with her behaving the exact same manner.

 

Right now I've been out of the house for 2 weeks living out of suitcase and staying at my sister's place. No one in my family knows this or mutual friends I think. It pains me to turn my back each time I visit the house and leave the home we had built together.

 

After the 1st week I was asking her, how things were, what had she decided, what I can do to make it better. She said that we act a lot like friends but not married people. She can forgive but not forget. She's has a concept of romance like a soap opera. She wants that and says that how humiliating it must feel for her to even ask for affection. She says we act like two good friends. I admit I haven't been the best husband and I had taken her for granted, admitted all my faults but she doesn't want to see a councillor.

 

2nd week I stopped pestering her about this, everytime she sees me if I come by to visit the house, we have dogs, I can see the look on her face and it says all over why the hell am I still here in the house and wants me out as soon possible. She wants a divorce. But stay friends.

 

I'm thrown aback, time spent alone didn't help in my favour. I brought up councilling for her to not even want to reconcile, not put any effort, to say she's spent, when we talk all we do is argue, she's done trying all she wants to do is have her space, leave and doesn't care about anyone?

 

Prior to coming to this point she was doing things on her own, out of the ordinary like getting a gym membership and going herself, listening to different alernative music, even buying a car on her own. I want to talk to her but it seemed like she has her own agenda and it doesn't include me. I can't even give her a hug. She looks so repulsed by the idea.

 

Right now I have no idea what's going on in her head, what's she's doing, I call no answer, send emails no answer, no response.

 

I live day to day not knowing and this is killing me. You know someone for over 12 years and this behaviour is purely ridiculous. I don't think that's fair in a relationship, maybe she knows this is annoying the crap out of me and wants me to make the decision to end it. But if that's what she wants she should should inform me. She wanted to call it quits. I decided to see a councillor myself.

 

I don't want to give up. I love her dearly, but I know that words don't count in her book because promises broken in the past. So I've been trying different approaches, sending flowers, giving her space, sending notes/friendly emails just being patient, kind, and unselfish. But it's hard to demonstrate this change if I'm not around and she can't witness it.

[Angel1111]

I think this is very fixable and the fact that she's still there indicates that she really wants it to work out, too. I think she just really doesn't know where to begin to fix it. Also, why have you never asked her to marry you? She may be really offended by that, plus your lack of conversation about it now may be just another indication to her that you are really indifferent to the whole thing.

 

Without getting pissed off and pushy, set up a dinner date with her as soon as you can and get a baby sitter. Then talk to her and tell her that you are heartbroken and ask her what it is she needs from you. It's totally understandable that you're really tired right now, and nothing is more disheartening than working at a job you hate. But, it's not forever because you're working to make your future better. She needs to be understanding about how over-worked you are, but you need to understand that you can't walk through life as though you're half asleep.

 

If you let her know that you understand where she's coming from and that you're willing to meet her needs as much as possible, then I think you can rekindle your love for one another

 

And I agree about the marriage builder web site - there is some great information on there. You can fix this.

[SRC]

Thanks Angel! Sorry for the long time between posts...but a LOT has happened. I'll try to keep it short because it could certainly be a book.

 

So anyways, last Saturday, she went out as I said. I was awoken at 2am with her crying at the side of the bed and saying she was sorry. She's confused, needs to find herself, sorry that she wanted to leave...and seemingly wanted back. We spent the night in each others arms. For the next 2 days, things were better. We were able to talk, hug, say "I love you", etc...even went and did normal things like get groceries.

 

Then she dropped another bomb on Tuesday. She emailed me at work to tell me that she loves me, and she's trying to get the emotion back but it's hard, and she needs me to know that on Saturday night, she kissed another guy at the bar during those couple days we were separated.

 

I was hurt, but I didn't want to blow it up if all it was was a kiss and a random guy. I went home and asked her for details, she was a little reluctant, but told me it wasn't anyone I or she knew, it was just a guy she met that night, and she was sorry it happened. She said they did not exchange contact info and were not keeping in touch.

 

That day, she said she just needed to think again and went left the house for a short while to think without me and our son there. She returned home crying, saying she just doesn't think it can work. She doesn't want to tear the family apart, but she just doesn't see how she can get the feelings back.

 

So we were off again. Cold, hardly talking, things falling apart again.

 

The next morning, we got up with our son. I didn't bring anything up...I just played with our son, tried to have random conversation. I decided that before I left for work, I would take her hand and just tell her to have a good day. Wasn't going to try and hug or kiss..just was gauging what she would do. Well...I take her hand, and she hugs me and tells me she loves me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRGH! So I kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her too and I left.

 

I come home that night, and she's cold again as I expected.

 

So fast forward to yesterday morning. I had notice she had been really tight with her cellphone lately. She used to leave it laying around, or give to me to use if I had to go somewhere. I got my online bill yesterday, checked it...and see $40+ of text messaging (something neither of use much of...until now). I find out she has been texting this guy from the bar...and it started about 3 weeks ago. So she had lied, she did know him previously, and she did keep contact.

 

I woke her up and confronted her with it. She tried to just say it was to friends...but I called her on it and I knew it was this guy. She admitted it was. But she swears there is nothing emotional or sexual going on, they just text each other and talk about his and our kids, and the trouble she is having right now.

 

She said she is sorry how it looks and understands that it looks like she was having an affair, but swears it hasn't gone further than that kiss. I said well this is how affairs start, talking and investing in someone else about your emotions. She said she knows, but it's not what she is trying to do...they just text because she doesn't have anyone else to talk to. For some reason I believe her, but I don't know why. Well...I believe that it hasn't gone further than a kiss, but I don't believe that it's just innocent texting.

 

So we talked about that, and then I basically asked how there is any chance or making this work if this is happening. We both agreed that it just probably isn't going to, and that she should proceed with moving out. We talked, very civilly about what went wrong in our relationship, how sorry we were that we couldn't make it work...hugged and cried, etc.

 

I went out for the day with my dad and son. She had to go to work. I had a counseling meeting in the afternoon that she said she couldn't make because of work, but did still want to see the relationship counselor after this initial counselor through my work.

 

About 40 minutes before the session, she said she can get off work and wants to come with me. So I picked her up and we went.

 

This initial assessment was just designed to see what the issues are, and then set us up with an appropriate counselor. On the way, we acted happy(ish) and talked. I kept a smile on my face. On the way, she said she doesn't hate me and has nothing against me, she just doesn't feel anything for me. I just replied, "I understand. I don't blame you for that."

 

The counselor was good. We both alked aboutour whole relationship and what got us to this point. It was good, but hard, to hear what things about me and our relationship she didn't like, and good to hear her identify things that she didn't do right. We both talked openly and in detail. We both shed tears. We got the name of a counselor to go see. Afterwards, I thanked her and told her it was really good that she decided to come because it helped me to hear what she had to say. She said it was her pleasure, she was glad she came.

 

I then drove her back to work, we talked a bit more. I was going to be going out of town with our son for a couple days so she won't see us again until Sunday (tomorrow). She is going to stay at the house until then, and then move out when I get back. We agreed that time apart has to happen. The counselor suggested than in a little bit, we should arrange to just go for a walk together, or dinner, without our son, and just talk (not about the relationship) and try to open the lines of communication. I think she agreed, but said that she is not ready for that quite yet. I said that is fine, take your time.

 

I dropped her off at her work, and she reached over and hugged me and said see you Sunday when she will pick up our son.

 

I went home and packed, and got our son. Before we left for out of town, I took a picture of me and our son together (as she wasn't going to get to say bye to him) and put it on the desktop of her computer at home with a little note saying that our son said "See you Sunday Mommy! Take care."

 

I left it at that. She had asked that I call in the morning (right now) before she goes to work so she could talk to our son.

 

So...now I'm going to make that call.

 

Thanks for listening and any input you might have. It will really help me.

[SRC]

Angel, I just realize I didn't answer an important question you had...why havn't I asked her to marry me yet? We talked about it a lot but I couldn't afford a ring like I wanted to get for her, so I figured I would wait until school was done with life got not so hectic.

 

Another thing is, and this may sound bad...but she is a smoker. Has been since we met. When we met, she said she was quitting right away. I hate smoking. I hate that she does it. I had put pressure on her early on to quit, and she hid it from me. When we got pregnant with our son, she quit smoking, but then started up again a month after he was born.

 

We got pregnant a second time, and she once again quit, but we miscarried. This was only 10 months. Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier. She started smoking again.

 

One time, I think one of her uncles was razzin' me about not marrying her yet...and I said when she quits smoking, I'll start saving for a ring. It started off as a joke, but then that actually kind of became the plan. A week and a half ago, before all of this, she got a prescription for a stop-smoking aid. We were waiting until my payday to get it as money is really tight at the momet. But then this all happened. During those two days where she came back, she asked if I could buy her the smoking aid. I said yes, of course. But then before payday came, all fell apart again.

 

She wants to stop smoking, and always has a plan but just hasn't been able to do it. Hopefully for her sake, and my son's sake, she does soon. As for me, I would love if she did...but I'm not sure I matter anymore. And it's at times like this when you realize that maybe you made it more of a deal than it should have been.

 

Anyways, I called her this morning so she could talk to our son...or have him jibberish into the phone. I woke her up as she slept in after going out again last night to the bar after work with friends from work apparently. I could help but ask if this guy was there. She said "yeah, he did show up actually. But he is getting creepy...stalkerish." So it sounded like she told him what she was doing last night, but didn't invite him, he just showed up to see her there.

 

She said she has to show me these messages he sent to her. She said she texted him and told him to stop messaging her, and he messaged this morning to say he is sorry she feels that way.

 

Now during our counseling, the counselor said that during this separation, we need to focus on ourselves. He said try not to let members of the opposite sex influence how we are feeling right now because we are vulnerable.

 

So, I'm not sure what exactly is going on, or how much of it is true. But after she told me he was kind of stalking her...I asked her, "so are you going to cut ties with this guy then?" And she said "oh yeah, I already told him to stop."

 

So as long as that is true...I guess that's a step in the right direction.

 

You know, it was only a month ago, that while at a sporting event together (one of the rare times we got out alone), we were having a great time and she told me she felt like we were first dating again. She was giddy happy and was really enjoying being with me at that point. It's hard for her to remember those moments now. She says she has been feeling this way for a year or more, and really emotionally checked out about 3 months ago. But then I remembered that day at the game...and I figured that she wasn't recalling correctly. There's been love more recently than she thinks.

 

Geez I hope this works out. I'm going home tomorrow, and she'll have our son until Wednesday and will have moved out. That's going to be a LONELY 3 days. I just want the chance to make this work again.

 

I hope she agrees next week to go for a walk or dinner like our counselor suggested. I also hope we can get into the actual relationship counselor soon, and hopefully she is as good as this first guy was.

 

 

Anyways

[imagine]

I suspect that she already has her eyes set on another man.

 

All the signs are there. Which is why you should have started reading the articles at the marriage builders site. Have you started.

 

You may even need the book "Surviving an Affair" already.

 

Oh well, you didn't listen to this first time round, and you are still not listening. You are what is called a "BS in a fog". You will knock your head a few more times.

[SRC]

Oh well, you didn't listen to this first time round, and you are still not listening. You are what is called a "BS in a fog". You will knock your head a few more times.

Sorry it wasn't that I wasn't listening. I didn't put your post in the trash or anything.

 

But with this, are you saying she is feeding me more crap and most definitely involved with this guy? You may very well be right. And if I was reading this about someone else, I would likely think the same thing. So I guess she probably is. If so, I just wish she would come out and say it so I could be done hoping. Part of the reason why I do somewhat believe her is that she is home all the time, or at work. There isn't many times where I don't know where she is. Other than this past week.

 

But right now, I am 200km away. She was done work a little over an hour ago. Who knows where she is right now.

 

Sigh.

 

But on the otherhand, if I convince myself that she is completely involved with this guy, and she turns out not to be...my mind will run and ruin any attempt at reconciliation based only on assumption.

[Gunny376]

You Big Dummy! (Said with jest)

 

She's wanting and needing to be loved, appreciated, wined and dined, romanced! She's wanting and needing to feel "desired" and "wanted"

 

She's wanting and needing you as a man to pursue her and chase after her. She's trying to make you jealous so you will pay more attention to her wants and needs.

 

You need to Goggle Hellen Kreidmen's site "Light Her Fire" Just pick up her $5-$6 paperback verison of the book, and impliment her suggestions and I believe you will see instant results.

 

Just remember "A little means a lot!" Don't go with a dozen long stem roses, ~ go with just one!

 

Send the kid(s) off to a friend or a relative for a night, and plain a romantic evening with just the two of you. Be imaginative, creative.

 

Give her a massage, after long hot bath with candles and rose petals. Have her lay on the bed naked with her eyes clothes and sprinkle football mums on her (like they use in the Rose Parade)

 

Attend to her needs, mentally, emotionally, physically, pyshogocially.

 

The guys that get laid the most are the ones that don't have any expectation of getting laid ~ go with that attitude. Factor sex out of the equation.

 

Be loving, caring, and attentive ~ and most of all be creative. The biggest thing you can do is to just listen to her, and when in doubt? Just ask her, "Do you want me to solve this for you ~ or do you want me to JUST listen,

 

Women use twice the words that men use, and so most of what we hear from women is just "flak" and is of no substaintial use to us? Yaddda, Yadda, Yadda!

 

I think you've got a chance of turning this one around if your willing to listen and "change" (I just know you've heard that one)

[confused71]

Part of the reason why I do somewhat believe her is that she is home all the time, or at work. There isn't many times where I don't know where she is.

 

When my wife said she wanted a divorce the first thing I asked was 'are you seeing someone else' ,her response was 'I am always at work or at home ,when would I have time to see someone else.'

Of course I believed her only to be proved wrong a month later.

I still cant work out when she has the time to see this guy.