Improvement.

[amandaparker503]

Hi.Its been 9 weeks since i split with ex.

For those that know, i got diagnosed with depression and am seeing a therapist. Intresting that all the things in the past play a part in how i behave, yet the problem we are focusing on is getting over my ex.

 

Now i blamed myself like crazy , as i was a bit up and down, wanting him , but also wanting space. However through therapy i have learnt that he was controlling me via his own insecurites, he would try and fix what ever was wrong, and i then became very needy and dependant on him.

This guy told me everything that was wrong with me and would dump me every time we argued. Then he would beg me back with a whole lot of emotional words, he told me it is scary how much he loves me, he told me a week before the split, he wants my child and broke down crying , he told me i have got to him. Yet due to the ups and downs he called it a day.

Of course my problems didnt help, i was down and depressed(didnt know it for sure) and i could be really moody , up and down.

 

However, through therapy i have stopped my contact with him, you may remeber i sent him lots of emails and texts and even asked his parents to contact me! I lost it, i wanted him back and i pushed him away. I even sent him a sexual text and got told no thank you and dont ever contact me like this again. We were highly sexual together , so another kick in my teeth!

He told me 5 weeks into the split he had met somone else and he was happy and was moving on and it was good that he was doing this. He told me twice, just to make sure i got it , i guess!

 

So i stopped all contact, its been 2 weeks of no contact at all.

I face him every Tuesday at kickboxing and i get through it , i say hello and i say goodbye.

I see him a lot around this small town and i wave and smile

I have had time out , i spend time with my son and i focus on positive thoughts and not negative.

I look to the future and i tell myslef every day that dispite the crap i will have a good day and you know what ...i do!

 

I read some amazing books , the road less travelled, the law of attraction, ask and it is given.

My therapist gave me little tasks to do everyday , i have see myslef letting him go and do this every night. Its hard , it makes me cry, but somehow it is getting me through every day.

 

Now my advice to you all is , do not contact from the start, post here , then go take yourself away for a week and read and just hang around mates or family for support. Do not come back to this site, do not contact ex. Find a way to change your thoughts, do not allow it to enter your head, keep this up, its hard, but will work.

Then when you are stronger , re emerge, still dont contact ex, maybe come back here like i have and tell people how much better you feel.

Just make sure you have that time out , as no ex is going to give a dam , what you say, how you feel , how much you want them back etc, they only care about getting themselves sorted. Period. Nothing you can do or say will change that, that is a hard thing to here, but so so true.

 

I hate my ex for hurting me, i so want to tell him that he messed me up and let me take all the blame and him telling me he was affected deeply by this relationship= him swaning around town with not a care in the world and telling me when i am at my lowest that he has met another girl! ..But me here, was in therapy and crying every day over him. I was the one who was affected, he confused me big time.

Would i take him back..NOT A CHANCE.

Yes i love him, i think about him still, but i spend more time thinking about what i want from a man and life , rather than the wrongs i have been dealt.

Would i like him to miss me, yes i would, i want him to want me back, i want to tell him so much, but...

If he loved me , he would be with me. Not with someone else doing it all over again.

He had his chance, i am worth more than this and you should all tell yourselves that every day.

Dont get me wrong, its still early days, but i am in a much better place than before, i can get up and eat now. I can laugh and smile and i am gaining control back in my court. Only last Tuesday at the kickboxing session , i was just being ME, i was talking with mate, chatting laughing , then i noticed that he was really rude to me everytime he spoke to me, a male friend said to me at the end of the club, what on earth is his problem with you, he was even giving me dirty looks for sparring with you. This guy was really miffed as to why he was being so weird. That to me , i never noticed, but it gave me a bit of a feeling of control. I dont care what he says or does to me, what i cared about was i was happy , i enjoyed my training and i never picked up he was being that nasty to me.

 

I lost my pride with this guy and for that reason i lost any chance of getting back with him...please dont do what i did, just leave them alone, if they want you , you will know about it.

Even in my ex's case, he would not ever go back on his word, even to his own loss, but i dont believe this, i think if he really loved me he would have got me back, he was able all the time we were together.

 

Its a mess, but i am looking forward to having a whole week without thinking of him, last week i thought about him once, so i am getting there.

I dont want a new guy ,i want to love me and then i will be ready to love again.

 

I am sorry that this is long, i just want to say in a roudabout way just sort your own self out first and then when you are strong and healthy and happy , good things will start happening to you. Memories are to be cherrished, remember the good, ditch the bad and find more happiness every day.

X