I lied to him when we already were having problems

[Peppermint Patty]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My fiancé and I have been together for a year and a half now, and this relationship has been through a lot of hard times. I feel, and he has agreed, that I have gone through a lot, especially in the last year with him opening a bar, gambling problems, we both have been drinking too much, and we don’t spend quality time together the way we used to. The bar opening and the gambling have been the hardest on me. He didn’t handle either situation very well… and often was rude, condescending, violent (not towards me, but our bedroom door), and unappreciative of me. It got so bad that the day before I was supposed to move in with him I told him that I was concerned about it and that I didn’t feel like he was supporting me in the life changing move. The move was tough, not only because I did most of the packing of my house, but the day I was moving in was the second time that his car had been broken into, along with my truck. We live in one of the nicest areas of town, and I understand that crime normally happens in nice neighborhoods. Last month I realized that I have been working too hard at this relationship. Our relationship stopped being fun, and there has never been an emotional connect from him, Lord, I don’t think that he is capable of being emotionally connected with me. Then his mother passed, and I understand completely that he is numb and that his life, and our life together would never been the same. He has told me that I’ve been a tremendous support for him throughout our relationship, and even more so when his mother passed, which was at the beginning of the month. Then he had to go out of town to work, which he and his ex had to work together, and I felt that I had been invited and uninvited by him several times, only to be invited again the day before he left, which was only a statement, not an actual invite. He returned and two days later we got into an argument and we both spoke about a possible separation, but we just swept the conversation under the rug like we normally do. A few days later he left for a night to go to his mother’s house (my idea), so that he could be around her things the way they were while she was living. Then two days later was off to Tahoe for a trip with 7 other guys that he does every year. I loved it when the neighbor asked me why he would put a ring on my hand and then abandon me. Nice!!! What I’m getting at is that I had a lot of time to really analyze our relationship, and came to realize that this works, only because I make it work. The night that I picked him up from the airport I was sick to my stomach, and didn’t even know how to act. I was afraid I was going to say something about what had been going though my mind, which I did. I told him that I was unhappy, depressed and unsure of us. It was actually the first time that I had ever spoken to him about how I really felt, and as candidly as I have ever spoken to him. He even commented to me that he was surprised at my candidness. I went to work the next day to tell my friends and coworkers, who know everything that is going on, what I had done. No one in my life likes him, and I don’t know how to fix the damage that I’ve done in telling them too much about my personal life. My mentor (“boss” if you will) at work and I had started getting really close from the first day I started working there, and it even grew into a quasi relationship, that has now been terminated amicably since we both are in relationships that are troubled and we don’t want to hurt the one’s that we’re with. Well, I knew that he felt bad about the break, and was having a hellacious week, so I bought him a gift that I had found in a magazine. I had even commented to my fiancé about the item because I thought it was very innovative. Well last night I told him that my “boss” had bought it, and that he too thought it was awesome. My fiancé is quite a bit older than me, and a bit insecure, so I didn’t want to tell him that I bought my “boss” a gift. Well, he went into my purse for a cigarette and opened the receipt from my purchase. He didn’t comment on it till this morning and asked me if I had lied to him about anything the day before. I was just waking up when this happened and didn’t know what he was talking about, so I asked him to clarify. He said he wanted to know why I lied to him about buying the gift for my “boss” and I simply told him that it would sound weird it I bought something for my boss. I feel weird about having bought him something and still don’t know how to go about giving him the item except that Bosses day is around the corner. I know that my fiancé is hurt and doesn’t trust me now… and I wish that I hadn’t done gotten close to my “boss”, I wish hadn’t lied, I wish I hadn’t bought the gift and I wish that would stop mess things up in my life.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[ahhhchooo]

Break it into paragraphs... one big lump just puts people off reading.