T&Me1117 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Hi Everyone, I have a question about whether or not I am taking this wrong or not. I am going to give a little recap first. My best friend whom I have been friends with for about 20 years doesn't like my husband. I dated her cousin on and off for about 10 years. I stopped talking to him completely when he found out I was pregnant with my first child. My husband and I weren't married yet. She has expressed to me on many occasions that she wished that I married her cousin. I am fine with that it's her opinion, she won't admit that she doesn't like my husband even though he has never done anything to her. Back to the question, we were talking about going to a concert just her and I. We found one that we wanted to go to and it's at a casino. She told me that I would be driving up with her and her husband and her brother and sister in law were going up too. I was like great, I said to her my husband and your husband can gamble while we are attending the concert. She was like "yeah". They get along well. Well, I was over there on Friday to have coffee and she showed me the tickets and I realized there were 5 tickets. Everyone was actually going to the concert and my husband wasn't invited. I was shocked I didn't know what to say. I feel awful for my husband. I feel like she went out of her way to exclude him. He would have gone to the concert, we have to small kids and when can go out just the two of us we do! Regardless of where it may be. I don't know what I should do, he isn't going to be able to get a ticket it's sold out. Any help anyone can give me would be great..
norajane Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Don't go to the concert if you cannot get a ticket for your husband. Your loyalties are with your husband. If he has been excluded, then you tell your friend that you would rather spend the time with your husband in the casino than at the concert without him. That is the ONLY thing you can do. Hubby comes first.
Geishawhelk Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I really think, if you are curious, you ask her why she didn't get a ticket for your H. Whatever excuse she comes up with, say to her - "of course, you know I can't possibly go without him? Thank you so much, but I hope you find a replacement real soon!" No contest. Nora's right. H. comes first.
Ronni_W Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I totally agree with NJ. Edit to add: And Geisha -- sorry, I missed your post G. Going blind in my old age or sumtin' [/edit] Depending on how you want your friendship with this lady to look in the future, you might put the "mix up" on yourself -- that you realize you must have given the (wrong) impression that your husband didn't want to attend the concert (when you said he & her husband could gamble), but you didn't actually intend that your man would have to be alone while everyone else was doing a group thing. OTOH, has she specifically said that the 'missing ticket' is (not) your husband's? Maybe it's that someone else would rather spend time in the casino than at the concert, and there is a ticket for your husband? Also. Has she specifically said that she doesn't like your husband, or are you just interpreting that from her saying that she wishes you'd married her cousin? (Cause my former sis-in-law recently told me the same thing -- she wishes I was still married to her brother, instead of him being with his current woman. I didn't take that as a slag on my current partner...just as a sign that my SiL does not very much care for my ex's current g/f.)
vintagecat Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I agree with the rest of the folks. Make sure that your husband is specifically excluded or that there are no misunderstandings and if so, pass on the concert/trip. A sold out concert at a casino, won't present a hardship for your friend to find a buyer for that extra ticket. It will sell. I can't imagine what some people are thinking when they do things.0 Life is full of cares enough without ones friends, family and allies adding to the pile.
Author T&Me1117 Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Hi everyone, thanks for responding, well I did speak with her about it and yes, I think that he was specifically excluded. She said to me I didn't think that he wanted to go. I said you never even asked..everyone elses SO is going to be there but mine.I told her that I wouldn't be attending the concert. She is angry but it I believe that it isn't her right to be angry. Either way I think that it looks bad on her part. 20 years if friendship, you think that you know someone, how terrible. Oh, and Ronni, she never said that she didn't like my husband she just always uses the excuse that she never really got to know him because we are always so busy with the kids. She has told me that she wished that my kids were fathered by her cousin. As, I just typed that I just realized how horrible that sounds. I think it's time to re evaluate the friendship. Thanks again everyone!
Recommended Posts