silverbunny Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 so im just kinda curious - this question is geared mostly towards guys, but if gals have a response, great! whatever works my ex and i broke up a while ago. through extensive talking with one another, we've both agreed that we have different views on relationships - however: the type of girl he is looking for is basically the description of me. he's even said he's never going to find another girl like me. what does me mean by this? he's telling me that "im not the one" and that he "wants to see what else is out there". i understand that completely. its nice to see what else there is. but how many girls that are 19 do you know that don't drink, don't want to drink, haven't drank, haven't had sex, have relationships that AREN'T physical, haven't smoked/done drugs... stuff along those lines. basically a "good" girl. i don't know very many. one that i can think of. and that my EX'S SISTER. i just don't see his logic in breaking things off. he started to realize that i wasn't "the one". yea i have my faults, but if he really was bothered by them, he coulda told me first... cuz both of our "we need to talk" times resulted in instant break up - no discussion whatsoever. so i never had a chance to defend myself. im not perfect and im not trying to be obsessive, but i really think he's giving up something special. i've pretty much given up on the kid. he's decided that lying to a police officer, his family and friends, and me wasn't dumb enough. the diversion program wasn't enough (he's not a bad kid at all. no other law problems ever, just the lying to an officer). he decided to go get drunk for the first time last weekend. i thought he was above this. we dated a year and a half no sex, no drinking, no parties. except one: his senior party. but even then he didn't drink. HE'S TOLD ME HE DOESN'T DRINK. that was a lie. to my face. he admits he's a liar. and is proud of it. i think he's digging himself a hold of shame that he's not gunna be able to get out of. soon he's gunna realize that what he's doing isn't what he wants. i dont think i want him back. i just don't want to see him lost completely. idk why i posted this. i know what i think. i guess i just like to hear opinions on the matter.
Nevermind Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Mh. What did he lie about to the officer? If he is 19, then getting drunk once (especially if he never used to drink before) is not really a problem. Sorry, but I don't see it as "losing himself". He didn't lie to you if he never drank while you were together. but how many girls that are 19 do you know that don't drink, don't want to drink, haven't drank, haven't had sex, have relationships that AREN'T physical, haven't smoked/done drugs... stuff along those lines. basically a "good" girl. I am not from the states, but yes there are girls like this. Also, being a good girl doesn't make you perfect. There is more to a relationship then being good. It takes time to know what you want from a partner, and since you're both young it could be that you still don't really know what you're looking for. Could you explain how through extensive talking with one another, we've both agreed that we have different views on relationships goes with but if he really was bothered by them, he coulda told me first... cuz both of our "we need to talk" times resulted in instant break up - no discussion whatsoever. Did you talk or not? Did you explain yourselves to one another or not?
Author silverbunny Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 well i guess when i said "losing sense of self" i kinda was thinking that he's giving up everything he wanted in himself. his sister and i go to the same university and we've talked a lot about him and we both feel like he's not the same. he's throwing away everything he worked towards becoming. he's lowered his morals and stopped caring about others. even stopped caring about himself. ok to "nevermind"'s multiple questions: he lied about being assaulted. he said he got assaulted driving to his friend's house and didn't really. he wanted to try and prove to people that he could defend himself (he's a smaller 18 year old and is tired of people saying that he's "weak"... well he's got some muscle to him but is still pretty slim) the drinking/getting drunk: he plans on adding partying to his list of social activities. and by party, he means drinking. something he would have never done. and he lied to me the night before he got drunk. he said word for word "i don't drink at all" and then the next night goes out and does and says he was planning to get drunk since he got off the diversion program with his best friend (who i think is the cause of all this mess). we aren't together, yes. but he still lied to me. the agree to disagree on relationships: we both thought that things should have happened differently. in any given situation, we thought things should have gone down different paths. its kinda hard to explain cuz we just knew what the other one meant. the talk or not talk: both times we broke up there was no discussion. i never had a chance to change what was wrong. the first time i showed up, the first thing he said was "we need to break up" the second time he said it was "going back out with you was a mistake - i shouldn't have done it". i had to wait until weeks after we broke up to explain myself. its taken since june to get everything out that i needed to talk to him about. we've had about 5 major discussions while we were broken up. he just gets defensive like always. the "good girl thing": well maybe its where i live. i come from a town in the midwest with the highest underage drinking rate - possibly even the united states. everyone is always so surprised that i don't drink. my roommate in college is like "geeze you're not normal". i just don't see how my ex - someone who once believed what i do - could just give it up. i thought he was better than he's becoming. he's just turning into this prick. and that is NOT who he is. his sister thinks the same, so its not just me. idk. i care enough about him to not want to see him hurt. but at the same sense i hope he falls on his face so he can see what he's losing. what he's leaving behind.
You'reasian Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 i've pretty much given up on the kid. he's decided that lying to a police officer, his family and friends, and me wasn't dumb enough. the diversion program wasn't enough (he's not a bad kid at all. no other law problems ever, just the lying to an officer). he decided to go get drunk for the first time last weekend. i thought he was above this. we dated a year and a half no sex, no drinking, no parties. except one: his senior party. but even then he didn't drink. HE'S TOLD ME HE DOESN'T DRINK. that was a lie. to my face. he admits he's a liar. and is proud of it. i think he's digging himself a hold of shame that he's not gunna be able to get out of. soon he's gunna realize that what he's doing isn't what he wants. i dont think i want him back. i just don't want to see him lost completely. idk why i posted this. i know what i think. i guess i just like to hear opinions on the matter. The guy has abstained from sex (religious?), doesn't party and had one drink at a party but doesn't drink on a regular basis and you're calling him a liar? Then says he is a liar and is proud of it?? Aren't you the same person that keeps saying your ex has a porn/gambling/drug/pizza addicition?
Author silverbunny Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 no... that would be someone else. edit: and yes. he's proud of being a liar. "it's what he's good at" and "what he's known for". frankly, thats really not a good thing...
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