sassydevotchka Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 so i just joined this site yesterday.,., so i guess i probably need to post. my freshman yr of college i dated this guy for 8 months. in june, i went on vacation to hawaii and he went home (he was from out of town) for a week. while i was in hawaii, i noticed something was up with him, he was acting weird and real short with me when we would text or talk on the phone. eventually i pryed it out of him. he told me he met a girl while he was there and "fell in love". so while i was on vacation, he dumped me. not only that, he decided he was going to stay in his hometown all summer and come back before classes start up (a good 2 1/2 months). i was completely shocked. so all summer, we didnt talk. at all. at the end of august, he moved back to start classes. i saw him when he returned, we have the same mutual friends. i wasnt all that upset about it, i pretty much got over it and moved on within a week after it happened. when we came back we were cordial and hung out as friends, nothing more. i even gave him relationship advice on the chick he dumped me for when he was upset. so ab a month ago, she dumped him bc she "couldnt handle the distance'. he texted me asking for advice, and i told him karma was a bitch and he should have seen that coming, and that if she really wanted to be with him then she would work it out. clearly, she didnt. a few days ago, he texted me bc he 'saw a painting i painted him and everything rushed back'. and he wanted to hang out. so i agreed. he took me to the park where we had our first kiss and was all talking to me and apologizing for everything and saying that he was sorry and what he did was really stupid. he mentioned us seeing each other again and i told him i wasnt rushing back into anything, that we would just casually date and see whats up. honestly, i care for him and all, i love him to some extent but i dont feel as strongly for him as i did before all the drama. i would like to try to see if we could mend ****, but honestly, part of me says i should just see what happens and the other part thinks im a dumb bitch if i go back to someone who left me for someone else while i was on vacation, and then claimed to be in love after a week of knowing her. and just as a side note, michael is a great guy, real caring and we get along great, always have. which is why him dumping me the way he did seemed so out of character for him. the fact that we were always real cool in our relationship initially helped bc it allowed us to be friends when he did come back to town. so my question is. would a second try seem completely retarded on my part or is it possible that he may be genuinely sincere about all of this? i'm pretty torn. thanks for readingg
lofi_tokyo Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Sassy, I am like your twin when it comes to dating situations... kinda? I'm in college too (sophmore), and this summer I went away to Tokyo for a month, and all the time I was there my ex was acting all weird and distant. When I got home I discovered he was all over a new girl. I should mention my ex and I dated for 2.5 years... and this came out of no where. I never expected him to by the type to just... move right onto someone new. Anyways, he broke up with me for her, and they are currently dating (going on about one month, I think, though I am not sure since I don't talk to him). If he came back, what would I do? I have NO idea! I also felt like he was a great guy, and really was not the type to pull that sort of thing. If he was REALLY sorry, and ready to put 110% into winning me back, maybe I'd bite. But, heres something to consider: You're young and in college! In the next 3-4 years, you're gonna meet a ton of great guys, some that will definately be date worthy. Is it worth getting back into a relationship with this semi-flakey guy? Were his bizzare actions not in fact random, but really a showing of his true colors? You and I are both pretty young right now. If you took him back - would you get married years down the road? I doubt it. So in the end, I think my advice is... let him grovel a bit... he hurt you! But... be single for a while longer, see what other fish there are in the sea. I guarantee you can find another great guy to love, one that wont have broken your trust.
popey Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 unfortunately it can be hard to tell the difference between someone who made a mistake and now realizes; and someone who played his cards and lost, and now is betting on the next hand. maybe you can tell him that you do care about him, but the trust has been broken, which doesn't get restored without meaningful effort. Be friends, and see if he is mature and invested enough to make that effort and show you something that says a relationship is worth it for both of you.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 unfortunately it can be hard to tell the difference between someone who made a mistake and now realizes; and someone who played his cards and lost, and now is betting on the next hand. maybe you can tell him that you do care about him, but the trust has been broken, which doesn't get restored without meaningful effort. Be friends, and see if he is mature and invested enough to make that effort and show you something that says a relationship is worth it for both of you. Really well thought out Popey. It is kinda hard to tell if your ex, Devotchka, is just going back to you because he played the field and lost, or coming back because he really wants you and sincerely misses you. Popey is right in suggesting to take it slow and be friends, see how invested he is.
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