Sks Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I see allot of people here recommending counseling for relationship issues, my question is - why would that do anything? Why would a counselor be able to tell you anything worthwhile or important? Assuming you can talk objectively with your spouse, I don't see counseling as something which matters - if you can't talk objectively with your spouse you more then likely need to breakup/divorce.
popey Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 true objectivity is very difficult to achieve when you have an interest in the outcome, right? plus, when a person trained and experienced hears/watches you talk; sometimes the questions that have been escaping are brought to light. Also, IMO while it may seem silly, the effort of going can communicate a needed message that the relationship and the other person is worth it. (in cases where that is an issue)
Citizen Erased Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 It's a big LS conspiracy. Trying to drum up business for the mental health industry.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I see allot of people here recommending counseling for relationship issues, my question is - why would that do anything? Why would a counselor be able to tell you anything worthwhile or important? Assuming you can talk objectively with your spouse, I don't see counseling as something which matters - if you can't talk objectively with your spouse you more then likely need to breakup/divorce. People seek out counseling for problems they don't believe they can solve themselves. But EVERYONE has the ability to solve their own problems..couples included. What counseling does is give you a little "push" in the right direction. Couples counseling can be helpful because you can utilize the tools you already know to work at your relationship. The counselor just helps you to do this by things such as role plays, relationship building exercises, communication help, and conflict resolution. I always tell couples that they have the ability to solve their own issues..that I'm just the "tutor." The cake is already made, the counselor just adds the frosting.
Ariadne Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I see allot of people here recommending counseling for relationship issues, my question is - why would that do anything? Why would a counselor be able to tell you anything worthwhile or important? Assuming you can talk objectively with your spouse, I don't see counseling as something which matters - if you can't talk objectively with your spouse you more then likely need to breakup/divorce. I agree with you 100%. Why would you want to ask a third person to solve your relationship problems?
Lauriebell82 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I agree with you 100%. Why would you want to ask a third person to solve your relationship problems? Counselors can't solve relationship problems, sorry!
carhill Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 MC gave me alternative ways of looking at things and tools to better communicate. It didn't solve any problems. If anything, it caused more conflict, but it's constructive, thoughtful conflict rather than verbal and mental bludgeoning
popey Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I agree with you 100%. Why would you want to ask a third person to solve your relationship problems? You wouldn't. You may however, understand that all human beings are imperfect and need help from others from time to time; and that might mean that a relationship between 2 human beings could benefit from just that. Someone to HELP YOU solve your problems.
JackJack Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I agree with you 100%. Why would you want to ask a third person to solve your relationship problems? Counselors don't solve people's problems, and I think that is one reason it might not work for some. They go in with the mindset that soemone else will wave a magic wand and fix their issues, not so. A counselor is there to listen, offer advice/suggestions, be a sounding board, offer support, help provide some kind of guidance. The real work has to come from ther person(s). Some people can do the work without a the support and guidance from a cousnelor, some can not. Those who feel a counselor should or is supposed to fix their problems need not see one until the feel they can change their way of thinking. Its always been to my understanding that, those who don't think they need help, are the ones who need it the most.
EnigmasMuse Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I have been in counseling before, and it worked well for me. Several reasons why it did. 1. One, I went in with no expectations of anything. 2. I had a good counselor. (Which helps too.) 3. I was willing to work on my self and the things that needed to be done. I didn't buckle or cave in, and walk out the door and act like a baby because I was told things I didn't want to hear. When that happens, its a sure fire way of nothing getting better.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 The biggest benefit we got from MC was that it gave me back-up in showing my H what a jackass he was. Maybe that's why he's so reluctant to go again... He did not understand what I was saying, did not see my viewpoint AT ALL, until I had someone else echoing my sentiments. I think one of our biggest problems is that he gets fed, "Ah, man, you're whipped, tell that bitch you'll stay out all night if you want to!" by the single (SINGLE) guys he works with, so he thinks it's a macho, manly thing to do, but it's not conducive to MARRIAGE. He gets encouraged a lot by his so-called friends to Be The Man!, but it took both me and a MC to show him that people who encourage you to destroy your family are not your friends.
Lizzie60 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I see allot of people here recommending counseling for relationship issues, my question is - why would that do anything? Why would a counselor be able to tell you anything worthwhile or important? Assuming you can talk objectively with your spouse, I don't see counseling as something which matters - if you can't talk objectively with your spouse you more then likely need to breakup/divorce. I agree.. I don't believe in counselling.. unless you see him/her for years and years and the therapist gets to know you inside out.. I have seen therapists for years.. and let me tell you.. some of these guys.. I think I was better at analyzing myself.. Everybody can be a therapist.. absolutely everyone.... it's way harder to be an engineer . Where I see a positive twist is that, the person who gets the counselling, has the 'impression' that this person is helping him/her when in fact, all this person is doing is 'talking' to him.. everyone can do that.. but if you don't have the 'title' of therapist.. the person doesn't have the impression he's getting some professional help .. it's like the placebo pill.. Oh I should add... I see it more of a 'moderator's' job.
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