Vertex Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 As much as I despise alcohol (it contributed to my father's car crash, and my ex had a drinking problem), I've come to find that it might have some benefits for me. I mean, for years, I've been a pretty awkward guy. As much as I love to be fun-loving/outgoing/etc, I can only be that way around people I've opened up to. Otherwise, I'm incredibly shy. But, I've found that after a couple drinks, I open up that way to people I've just met. I don't imply that I am totally smashed -- still sober enough to make smart choices and be able to think rationally, but drunk enough to be looser and more outgoing. However, I worry that this is not a healthy dependence. I wish there were an easier way for me to be less shy, but it's a problem I've *always* had. No matter how many times I just try to force myself into new social situations, I'm always shy and I never get over it. It hurts my ability to meet new people.
Green Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 figure some way to be shy with out the drink. But truth be told I would have never lost my virginity had it not been for alcohol... I mean I would have never had the balls to invite a girl back home and then get naked infront of her had I not been drunk out of my mind. But after I got over that hump of the first time I didn't need to get drunk anymore to get women and party... its like I grew out of it. I'm going to a big party tonight and at most I'll have 2 drinks maybe none
tanbark813 Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 You may find over time that you won't need to depend on the alcohol as much to overcome the shyness. You get used to opening up to people and it becomes more of an internalized behavior. The alcohol can be like social training wheels in that way.
foreverlove06 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 You are me in male form! Ive always been painfully shy. It seems like it takes me forever to warm up to people. Ive always hated that quality about myself, but I try to make the best of it, not be too hard on myself, and do what I can to change it... Easier said than done, of course. I feel the exact same way as you. I am a lightweight, so I dont need much before my inhibitions disappear. I feel like when have a good buzz, its not that I am going to make stupid choices bc I'm still reasonable, but it feels like when I am with a group of people I dont feel like the odd ball out. I act silly, but people like me...and to be honest, I like that I have the ability to "talk" to people. Something that on most days I dont have. If I am at a club, I'll dance and have fun.. normally, I am the fly on the wall. It almost feels like my newfound outgoingness is how most people are normally when they are sober. I always wonder (usually when I am buzzed, and talking to people) "Well why can I just act this way when I am sober?.. Why cant i normally be this talkative, friendly & outgoing?". Its amazing what alcohol can do. I wish it wasnt alcohol that made me feel that way though. I dont feel guilty about drinking when I know that I do it in moderation. I dont get smashed, and I dont do it frequently. So is it wrong to have alcohol every now and then at a party so that FOR A FEW HOURS I can let go of my normal nervous, shy & timid tendencies? If there was some other way to do it other than alcohol, I would... but sometimes, you just want to feel like you can be outgoing like everyone else, right? Its not easy being shy, and I feel like if people arent shy themselves they dont really understand. When I complain to others about how shy I am, I get the "Well, just talk to people"-- Duh, if I could, I wouldnt be shy and I wouldnt be complaining about it. Its like a mental block.. You're mind takes over and no matter what you do, you can't be as talkative as others. Its almost like my brain shuts down in social settings. Like you, I have tried to force myself into social settings... just on the off chance that I might be outgoing. Everytime is the same; I am quiet, introverted, reserved.. So really, I know how you feel. Just dont get carried away with the drinking aspect of it. I understand how tempting it can be.
Konfuzion Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I would rather use psychology rather than alcohol too overcome shyness so may I recommend some reading Overcoming Shyness and Social Phobia And then I will just quote myself from another thread on the benefits of being confident. Women love a confident man, this translates into the type of person that will man up in any situation and care for them when needed. A woman can also sense a lack of confidence, so if you hesitate even slightly to go up and talk to them a portion of your confidence (all be it small) was just erased from their mind. There is never a perfect or ideal time to approach a woman, use the situation to your advantage even i.e. I am really sorry to bother you as I can see your busy talking but I would really like to take you out sometime and just have some fun, let me give you my number.. ok? I don't know just run with whatever comes up for you, never try to premeditate what you want so say as that never comes off good, just walk up to her and be yourself. This is my mantra when it comes to meeting women I use to be shy and scared and it got me no where. Not I am sure I can have a date just about every night of the week with a beautiful woman if I so choose. Just remember you have nothing to loose a "no" will not kill you. Trust me I have had many, and for every "no" you are that much closer to a yes
monkey00 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 It is hard being shy, especially in a new social setting. People that don't understand will think you're anti-social or stuck up but that isn't necessarily the case. When I was younger I used to be terribly shy. When I'd go to parties, yeah I'd rely on the booze to open me up..and well if you're at a party and not drinking, then you look out of place. Nowadays, I rarely drink alcohol because I can't for certain reasons. However, the discipline to not drink alcohol is a strong one and the fact that it reinforces you as a person and makes you mentally more strong willed - against peer pressure, and against the norm. Now I can be as social as I want or not at all (depending on my mood) with or without booze. But I find nowadays at parties, most people are anti-social anyway and mostly stay within their own cliques - very unwilling to introduce themselves or say hi to new faces. Unfortunately for me I get bored easily when talking to people and usually wind up jumping from person to person.
Shygirl15 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 You are me in male form! Me too. I just couldn't believe it when I was reading. I just cannot interract with people without being a little tipsy. I have noticed I become a more "fun" person that way. I get very concerned with myself sometimes, but really I just have no choice.
foreverlove06 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Me too. I just couldn't believe it when I was reading. I just cannot interract with people without being a little tipsy. I have noticed I become a more "fun" person that way. I get very concerned with myself sometimes, but really I just have no choice. It sucks, doesnt it?
Author Vertex Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 I just did this again last night at a party... again, far more outgoing. If I could use psychology to overcome this, I would. But when I'm sober, my mind is stuck in "analytics" mode, where I'm focused more on random worries. When I'm a little tipsy, all of that goes out the window and I can just talk freely and enjoy myself.
spookie Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I don't know, Vertex. I've been down that road and I'll tell you it did not lead to anything good. I think one of the problems is that you develop a tolerance pretty fast and pretty soon it takes you a handle to feel "tipsy", and even then you're not confident and happy, you're just slightly nauseous and pissed. The other problem is that everyone really sucks at gauging how drunk they really are. Personally, I think I'm sober even as I barf my brains out. Then there's the issue of the fact that you don't really REMEMBER anything that happened when you're drunk. So, you're not building relationships, setting up a foundation for you to feel comfortable with that person when you aren't drunk... you're just having a tipsy good time. It's a waste of time if you don't value the drunk time.
Green Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 try getting a good erection going I find when the blood is all pooled there it gives you an extra birst of confidence
monkey00 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I just did this again last night at a party... again, far more outgoing. If I could use psychology to overcome this, I would. But when I'm sober, my mind is stuck in "analytics" mode, where I'm focused more on random worries. When I'm a little tipsy, all of that goes out the window and I can just talk freely and enjoy myself. Don't feel so bad about it. I find that most people especially at these so called parties often rely on booze anyway to be outgoing or outspoken/social. A lot of people aren't nearly as confident as you'd expect them to be. And often the case is people shy away from new social settings...it's funny the older we get the more closed off we become, some people anyway. Nothing wrong with going with the flow..
Walk Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I used alcohol as a way to overcome my shyness. Difference is I am lacking in the common sense gene that says when to stop. Anyway, I think if done in moderation that it can be used as a way to increase confidence overall. If you're having issues talking to others because you don't feel comfortable talking, then using a legal substance to help you accomplish this will help you feel more comfortable in the same situations later on without the substance. As long as you understand that it's not the alcohol that has made you less shy, it's only an alternative way to the characteristics and skills you already possess. You're still the same person whether you drink or don't drink. But if you attribute your lack of shyness to alcohol and then see it as the only means to being confident in public, then you'll start relying on it to help you overcome other issues (sadness, pain, fear, anxiety, etc). Mostly though, the shyness issue will get better as you get older. It's more about feeling confident in who you are then anything else.
spookie Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 If you're predisposed to addictions of any kind, I'd stay away. All it did for me was turn me into a full-blown alcoholic, before I knew it. And that didn't help with my self-esteem.
Author Vertex Posted October 12, 2008 Author Posted October 12, 2008 It's not that I feel alcohol brings out traits I wouldn't otherwise have. Alcohol helps me act in a way I normally only act when I've known someone for a while and relax a bit. It seems to remove those gears in my head that just spin with endless worry.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 I relate. Up until a couple of years ago, I never used chemicals of any kind to achieve a desired result. I was very health conscious, and I like to pay attention to the signals my body is giving me and not mask them with chemicals. I didn't even drink coffee, and I only took an aspirin maybe once a year. But now I realize that if I have a cup of coffee in the morning, I am very productive and have energy all day long. If I have one alcoholic drink, like you, I am much more talkative and outgoing. And so on. I agree that it's important not to lean on chemicals too heavily, but used in moderation, I think it's fine.
monkey00 Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 It's not that I feel alcohol brings out traits I wouldn't otherwise have. Alcohol helps me act in a way I normally only act when I've known someone for a while and relax a bit. It seems to remove those gears in my head that just spin with endless worry. Social anxiety is quite common among the population. Some have an extreme disorder where they can't even leave their house, and everyday people have a small amount. I think you should force yourself into more of these social settings to build a tolerance for it. The more you do it, the more 2nd nature it will be. Also try to avoid the booze if possible...or use a little and try to wean yourself off of it overtime.
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