jenny Posted August 24, 2003 Share Posted August 24, 2003 this is incoherent: <sorry to tony in advance for rambling, sometimes a girl just needs to font unrestrainedly> so its 5:57 am and im typing to the computer instead of making breakfast for this guy before i go out fishing. we've hung out for a long time, but he recently suggested it might be fun and kitschy if we were to decide to date, a la fifties style. it was not really a come-on, just more of a shared joke about our..er..limited rural environment. so we shared milkshakes and hung out more campily at bookstores, went to view mars at night, and asked for impractical research texts at the town's archive. it was awesome, and cheap, and vaguely stupid, i loved it. it was a bit how huckleberry finn might date if he had more hormones. i don't know if it matters, but i always pay my own way; i'm into that as a philosophy. and now i must have totally screwed up, i don't know what i did, it was very odd. tomorrow i will find it funny but right now its so..strange. imagine it's 11:40 or so, we came from a drive in movie chock full of making out, "let's all go to the lobby" song jokes, general banter about musical taste, the mandatory discussion about the horribleness of right-wing homophobia in canada, and then a really fun odd chat about the nation-free hedonistic culture of piracy. i dig irreverance, i dig expressiveness, i dig eccentricity: i dig him. but not too much. i know the rules. and i can literally feel him digging me. so we get home, he comes in for ostensible lattes and comes into my house, then into my study, and sort of, i don't know, freaks out. first in a good way: as i'm taking my shoe off he's got me hard on the wall kissing, i'm kissing him back, urgently, and he's telling me he's been waiting for this for a year, and i was just kind of stilled, blinking, and pleasantly surprised by passion. (i typically arouse fond exasperated irony from men, but im happy with that too) i blink for a second, pause, and he leaves! i think it might have even been a classic storming off, though i'm not sure. i don't know what i should have done here, i didn't even have enough time to react! he kind of angrily cries without warning that 'he can feel that i can't feel love' and just, well, ... leaves. huffily. and i just blinked some more, like an idiot. i don't know how to explain to him i was just processing, or that i'm mellow by nature, or something. i liked him, and i did everything accidentally according to the rules. {well, the academic's version thereof, anyway}it's really hard for me to find people i connect to, right now i'm so bewildered and hurt by this, even if tomorrow it will be a brunch anecdote. wow. i'm totally rambling, i apologize, forum. it's weird, the thing i miss most about having a steady is just treating someone well ~ the sex is resplendent, the ambiguities stimulating, but, really, at the very beginning of the day, i just want to make waffles for someone who likes them. that's it. please tell me what i did wrong - i hate not knowing more than anything. did i come too strong? i was pretty careful not to let him know i was into him, my understanding is that guys spook really easily. i've always been in awesome long term relationships before, im not really very good at dating, though i'd like to be. rejection just bites, though presumably not as much as cowardice did. right now i'm going back to being a coward. :< xox j Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan Posted August 24, 2003 Share Posted August 24, 2003 So have you been together for a year....or 5 dates? Sounds kinda melodramatic to me. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 24, 2003 Share Posted August 24, 2003 the guy sounds odd... he's been waiting for it for a year & then he runs off? i'd be just blinking too! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 24, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 24, 2003 That's some weird crap, girl! You coulda made me toast and tea too... Curt Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted August 25, 2003 Author Share Posted August 25, 2003 today he called and was just utterly normal. he did mention he's trying out a new combo of anti-depressants for an article he's writing, (we're both part-time, free-lance, half-a$$, lit-writers), but whatever. he's now out of the dating pool; we're back to being buds. i'll miss that 'energy of possibility,' for sure, with him; but onward. thanks, forum, for listening, you guys are the best faceless entity i've ever encountered. xox j Link to post Share on other sites
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