OmegaTrust Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Hello, Ive posted here before under a different alias, but in order to protect some things, ive decided to post with a new username. Long story short, theres a girl I met about a year ago. Things started getting serious in June, we started dating in July. We've been going out for about three months. This girl is honestly one of the most amazing things to happpen to me. When at home, we live about 50 minutes apart, but we made it work well. She came out to visit me many times, as I went to visit her, including meeting half way, sure with gas prices it sucked, but it was worth it to see her. Shes been nothing but good to me, we did have our arguments here and there, but honestly we got through them. We're still young, im 21, shes 19. Anyway, this semester is my final semester, im an early grad, and will be graduating in December after my current internship. Its a pretty big deal, and its actually led me to receiving a career offer back home, which would work out perfectly since I can live at home abit longer while I pay back loans and prepare for law school, mind you, I worked very hard to get to this point and put in alot of extra work and time. Anyway, shes back in school as well, which is just a little more than an hour from where I live back home. Currently, we're about four hours away, but since the beginning of September we've visited eachother two weekends and make sure to talk alot. The weekend she came up to visit me, I had been sick with a virus for well over a week, (went to the doctor once, he told me to wait it out, but there was more), she made me go to the hospital, wouldn't let me drive there, called a cab, paid got me dressed, and sat with me, actually holding my hand for well over six hours. Believe me, I treat her well too. I all in all try to be a great guy for her, and always try to treat her the best I can. Heres where it gets tricky.... Trust. I will be the first to admit, I have trust problems. Since I was a kid with family, friends, and my ex of about 2 years now, ive had trust problems. Its taking its toll on my relationship. She loves me, I love her, at least to the best of what we know love is. This girl trusts me, she doesn't question anything I do, she knows im doing the right thing, and is always there for me. Shes gone as far as telling me that when she is ready, she wants me to take her virginity (she has done this for personal reasons and waiting to find someone that is worth her time and willing to be ready for her, which ive been more than ready to wait). My trust issues pretty much stem back to people talking about me, betraying me, etc. She hasn't done any of this, she has done nothing but show me she deserves to be trusted. I on the other hand get these thoughts. She goes to a school, shes gonna wanna go out with her friends, drink, but she hasn't committed any action that would express she would do anything to hurt me. In the past, before we went out, she was a girl, went to bars, liked to kiss guys, etc etc. When we got to know eachother, she let me know these things, before she knew I was interested (probably not the greatest things to tell someone you like but, at the same time, just in conversation, things like this came up). I for some reason always assume shes going to do something. I always think shes gonna tell her friends when we argue and the worst of me, tell her family the worst of me, go out there and try to find someone else. These thoughts are ridiculous, I know. Even typing them out, I feel ridiculous. Since we've gone away, its led to argument after argument and its taking its toll on both of us. The long-distance thing isn't easy, and I admit, my stress levels are destroying me. I feel that once I graduate in December, things will definently tone down abit, as I can finally pay off my small credit card debt and start saving and getting comfortable with a job (if this offer doesn't work out, theres a chance I could have a few other options, but its something I enjoy doing, and the money and benefits are pretty good for starting, and its something I know I can enjoy, at least more than school). She wants me to trust her, she cries for me to trust her, and I do, I really want to. I told her its going to take me time, as im someone who can't trust overnight. It took me time to trust my ex, I told her some really personal family things, I told her not to tell anyone as they were the most private things in the world, and she did anyway. She also sort of cheated on me (regardless of whether her and the guy did anything, her actions in regards to it led me to believe enough, she was also the dumper so I really had no say anyway). I told my new girl it will take time, and she says she will try to wait, but she doesn't know, and its when she says things like that make me sad.. make me wonder if we'll last.. and make me think and get upset.. Theres times that I flat out accusing her of ignoring me, not wanting to see me, going to go out and cheat on me perhaps, and I know theyre all in my head and shes trying so hard to work with me. Shes busy herself, and I guess im abit clingy, as is she, and I guess my assumptions bring me to think when shes busy with work or her friends or never responds to my texts or something that something may be up. Ive gotten counseling for this kind of thing before, and I wish I could seek it now, but my time is limited as I am working the internship while taking two classes as well as having to commute everyday, it just won't fit my schedule, although I do plan on trying. This girl isn't perfect either as far as arguing goes, but really I throw a bit too much fuel to the fire. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated, as this girl means so much to me, and I just feel awful that im putting her through this. Ive tried to break up with her before and Ive felt it was the right thing to do for her sake, and she wouldn't let me, and I couldn't bring myself to. I love her. Even if my love isn't the love of someone older, its the love I know right now, and the way I feel right now. Help me. Please. Thank You for reading this.
Author OmegaTrust Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 to update, we're still having problems. I just can't believe her on things. I know a lot of it is me. Shes not used to someone wanting to know where she is or what she's doing. She said shes willing to try to let me in more, but she is very afraid of getting completely committed because shes still afraid I might hurt her. I have hurt her a few times, not in the way you're thinking, but truly in the ways of not believing her, calling her out on something, and it turns out that its just my head... can anyone help?
smm80 Posted October 16, 2008 Posted October 16, 2008 Hey man, take this coming from someone who has trust issues himself. The woman I am currently with, we have had our share of problems...and its only been 4 months, but something is there keeping us together. Love. Some may say thats not enough on its own, but its there and has to be realized. Anyways, when me and my current woman got together, things were fine, I trusted etc etc etc. But as usual with me, once things get serious, trust starts to become an issue, just because i've been hurt in the past. Is it fair to make her suffer because of the actions of others, NO. BUT and i do mean BUT, you are right in using your head, you are not oblivious to the fact that she could do something to end things with you. You and her are not a permanent fixture...NO YOURE NOT. But, also you have to remember she is in your life now and is trying to work with you and is staying around. why the hell would she do that if she was going to screw around with joe schmoe. And don't stress about her telling family or friends about you being an ass...if there is a legitimate reason for your actions, they will tell her. And believe me she will listen to them about that before she will listen to you, so in a way taht will help you. Just stay strong, stop expecting, show her your love, and just be there for one another. In other words, enjoy the ride, you never know when it will end...unless you get to be super old and then you know its been true.
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