jolie78 Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 okay, so a lot has transpired since my last post, but in a nutshell, my bf of two years broke up with me. i moved out about a month ago. the reason for the breakup was because he thought i didn't love him and i was acting very negatively. he actually tried really hard to make it work. after i moved out, there was a one week period of NC from both of us. after that, we got in touch again, with me crying and saying i wanted to work it out, and him saying that he wants to be friends only. THEN, i read fricken cucan pemo's book on the law of completeness and attraction, and came to terms with everything. i had dinner with him, and everything was great. a week passes, a family friend convinces me that cucan pemo is full of it, and i should make my intentions known, especially since he just started talking to a new girl. so i do so. he's online, we chat, i ask if he wants to talk, he calls. i tell him that i love him and want to end up with him, but i know time is necessary to heal things...possibly a long time, and we can both do our own thing. he proceeds to tell me that he thought i was the one, that what we had was magic, that he is numb when he talks to me bc i hurt him a lot, and that he was even going to propose if i didn't fight with him so much. and then, of course, he said he went on two dates with the girl over the wknd. i reacted well bc i thought, well if what we had was magic - and he's only had magic once despite all his other relationships, then, him dating around will only help him heal and give me time to become a better person. curiosity kills the cat, of course, and i find her blog through his page. she kinda looks like a man, but my ex is actually one who can look past physical appearance. or so he claims. she was blogging to him, after knowing him for a week, about how they are soul mates, about how since the love of her live walked out on her and she felt life was hopeless, her dad told her that "Buddha" made things happen for a reason, and the reason is him, and that she will do whatever it takes to be with him. okay. i realize i'm not the most objective person, but don't you have to be a douchebag to say something like that to a guy after knowing him for a week? and i'd like to think my ex isn't that dumb - perhaps vulnerable know and wanting the attention, but also smart enough to be weirded out by this. no? she's in her late 20's - we all are.
Ronni_W Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Actually, I don't find it any more strange than if she had embraced a philosophy based more around 'the power of positive thinking', or 'law of attraction/completeness', or something else. Each belief system has a similar intention and effect for those who follow it. Kind of just...to each, their own.
carhill Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Rebound. Six months. Learn why you can't peacefully co-exist. Read the book and live life, for yourself. In good time all things come
Author jolie78 Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 Rebound. Six months. Learn why you can't peacefully co-exist. Read the book and live life, for yourself. In good time all things come right. i'm learning to peacefully co-exist. i actually really can mentally grasp that concept. he told me he can't talk to me for at least a month because he can't concentrate on his new relationship with me in the picture. that hurt a lot, because our contact was limited anyway. i wasn't calling, emailing, or anything. just short chats every few days and then we had planned on having dinner once a week. but i guess he doesn't want that for now, and i told him i'd respect that. it sucks. my family came from out of town to visit me, and it sucks because i feel like i have to act like i'm okay. i have to go out of town this weekend for a wedding and, again, i'm afraid it'll suck because i have to act like i'm okay. inside, i really want to be alone and find peace. i actually started finding myself - i used to be a pretty funny and silly person. i came close - it's always two steps forward and one step back. actually, falling back in love with yourself can give you a feeling of euphoria. what i had with him was very special. how two people can have something so special but then kinda just let it slip...i'm not sure i understand yet. the fighting was always about little things - like do you love me - on both ends. not about values, not about the other person being a bad person. just...both of us wondering if the other person loves each other the same way. it got pretty stressful. is this even normal? panic kicked in when i read her blog - which i still think is pretty strange because it's on facebook, which means it's open for all friends, everyone to see. it's one thing to have feelings like that, quite another to broadcast and showcase it, especially after a week. i mean, the first week i met him, it was magic, but i wasn't going to announce that i was willing to spend my life with him. but then i think, over time, that's what i didn't give him. i loved him so much, but i held back because i thought you're supposed to just let things develop. and doesn't true love develop over time? and like, not in a week? my first year with him - i read all our chats, looked at our pictures, really examined the relationship, was just about being happy. and learning about each other. and constant talking and laughing and being silly. and mini-adventures. it was like it was never-ending. i never had to declare my undying love because we were just having so much fun. isn't that the way it should be? i'm really confused.
Ronni_W Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I'm more like you -- kinda "laid back" on the heavy declarations, more into just enjoying things in the moment, and able to recognize the intimacy and love without "spilling my guts" about it all the time. But that is only how WE see/think it "should be". For others, like this new girl, they have a different way of interpreting and expressing. They probably think OUR way is "weird & warped" and that their way is how it "should be". Sometimes confusion shows up when we forget that others don't always see things as we do, or agree with what we think is "good, right and/or proper." i actually started finding myself ... falling back in love with yourself can give you a feeling of euphoria. Yep, it can be a bit of a to-and-fro, can't it? But I *love* how you put it, about how it feels to fall (back) in love with one's self -- that is so accurate and inspirational . Sending hugs and best of everything...my intuition is telling me that you are going to do great!
Author jolie78 Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 sorry to beat this to death, but this is kinda therapeutic. part of the reason why it bothers me is that i never really showed him love bc i never experienced true intimacy in terms of verbal expression with him. he told me he loved me and would try his best to work stuff out, but that's hardly verbal intimacy. i'm the girl of his dreams, etc. a lot of just ... gibberish? i want to really know a person, his real fears, his loves, his obstacles, everything. and for two years, i didn't learn anything except for what i was able to pick up through observation. why was my time wasted like that? and why now, after being with for a week, does she *know* that he loves her? he's really shy and trouble expressing himself, but now he's suddenly changed?
Ronni_W Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 and why now, after being with for a week, does she *know* that he loves her? he's really shy and trouble expressing himself, but now he's suddenly changed? Well, it really is only that she THINKS she knows, perhaps? -- she is simply seeing whatever are HER personal signs of somebody loving her. Doesn't really mean that he's is doing or expressing anything different than he's ever done. Yeah...I know what you mean: It is tough for two people to really create that space in which they can feel totally secure and free to express their deepest fears, anxieties, insecurities, dislikes, etc. Some people can't do it because they really just don't have much insight into themselves. Others are afraid of external criticism, negative judgment, rejection, being told that they are "wrong or stupid" to feel however they do and/or be afraid of whatever they're afraid of. And still others can't come to terms with their own weaknesses and "shadow selves" (their issue looks more like self-criticism, lack of self-acceptance & forgiveness), so they just keep everything buried for fear of exposing some of their own "dark" selves. (Though, of course, it's always this type of internal stuff that gets projected onto the external world -- we self-judge and then make out like others are judging us, type of thing.) Relationships sure are interesting...and oftentimes puzzling, as you say.
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