ioncebelieved Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I have been away from here for a week or so and I came home tonight driving 450 miles from my journey and I thought a lot about my life and my ex. I asked myself the question is the pain I feel and the pain I have felt for so long worth it for love..... This is a question I want each and everyone here on LS to really think about !!! In the beginning, I felt so euphoric over two years ago when I met my ex and I really thought she was the ONE! Along the way, I lost myself in her and I struggled with our relationship for so long and was in grief about it. I mean it felt right, and some stupid thing called my heart still think she is right, but my head has always known differently. It is a damn shame how something so good, something that feels so right and good could hurt so damn bad when it ends!! Makes me wonder about the adage, "A relationship that starts off the hottest usually ends the coldest!" How true, how true! I really thought my ex was my going to be the one. I am left with her memories and only think now she was placed into my life to prepare me for the Real one. Will the real Ms. Right stand up!!!!!!!!! Is the pain in the end worth the pain in the demise? Chime in and let me and others here know! Tell your story, but keep it short! I do not have the answer to my question yet... God's funny little trick.
ahhhchooo Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 What I learned when I got dumped 6 years ago: Don't take your girlfriend for granted. Pay attention to her. What I learned from getting dumped 3 months ago: Don't make your girlfriend the world to you. Pay attention to yourself. Being in love is ok, but love yourself too.
Author ioncebelieved Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 What I learned when I got dumped 6 years ago: Don't take your girlfriend for granted. Pay attention to her. What I learned from getting dumped 3 months ago: Don't make your girlfriend the world to you. Pay attention to yourself. Being in love is ok, but love yourself too. I never took my ex for granted, but you are spot on about making them the world to you!! Big mistake! I forgot about the one that matters the most.. ME!!! Never again! I am trying to get my most important relationship back.. that is the one with myself! I want the old me of over two years ago back!
Hersheys Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I never took my ex for granted, but you are spot on about making them the world to you!! Big mistake! I forgot about the one that matters the most.. ME!!! Never again! I am trying to get my most important relationship back.. that is the one with myself! I want the old me of over two years ago back! True! Don't we just miss our old selves? I now just want to be the same person I used to be - the happier, carefree, not-thinking-about-ex-24/7 me. I gotta say it's never too late. We do our best to move forward in whatever situation we are in.
Author ioncebelieved Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 True! Don't we just miss our old selves? I now just want to be the same person I used to be - the happier, carefree, not-thinking-about-ex-24/7 me. I gotta say it's never too late. We do our best to move forward in whatever situation we are in. Well the driving did not help me, but that is the reason I asked such a question on here. I am trying my hardest to get me back, I kind of miss him! One day, I will be stronger than ever. I do think of ex 24/7 anymore, but there are reminders or hot buttons that get me thinking about her a lot. Be glad when those reminders go away!
Author ioncebelieved Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 if love isn't worthwhile, then what is? Love is definitely worthwhile!!! IT IS ONE HUGE GAMBLE THOUGH!! When you hurting like crazy it does not feel that worthwhile though. I have been hurt in the past, but this last ex has been the hardest for me w/out question. I will not give up on finding love again....Just be a lot more careful.
i11 Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Love is definitely worthwhile!!! IT IS ONE HUGE GAMBLE THOUGH!! When you hurting like crazy it does not feel that worthwhile though. I have been hurt in the past, but this last ex has been the hardest for me w/out question. I will not give up on finding love again....Just be a lot more careful. I dont think LOVE is a gamble, not to mention a HUGE GAMBLE. As it is always concluded here that we are learning from breakups, learning from what we've lost, and better ourselves for the new one, it's like a tie game, you just walk away from someone not belonging to you, and have a new chance to find the right one. The breakup hurt is just like having a runny nose in the cold, you've got to take your medication(pills or NC), then you will soon be all right. Looking for the true love and LTR is never easy to achieve. The most fun is to look for the true love. If something is too easy to own, then it wont be cherished.
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Along the way, I lost myself in her and I struggled with our relationship for so long and was in grief about it. This is something that you need to address. She's not your identity, should never have been and will never be. No one should be your identity. You are you, unique. That's the person you either have to build or rebuild. As for love, yes, it's worth it. As long as in future, you can keep you intact. It's a balancing act of reasonability. No one should always be placed before you. You matter too.
Rafa Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I know it doesn't feel like it during the breakup phase! But I think it is. Love gives us the highest highs and the lowest lows. I'd rather be here heartbroken, having known the incredible feelings of love I've shared over the years, than end up like Clara Meadmore.... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3165565/105-year-old-virgin-says-no-sex-the-key-to-long-life.html
quankanne Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 my "love theory" is that every failed relationship you go through brings you that much closer to the love you're ultimately meant to have. And that the experience you gain is priceless, because you learn that you do possess the capability to love. And that gets more finessed the more you allow yourself to love, you know? right after Linda McCartney died, my one girlfriend and I had a talk about the McCartneys' relationship (Linda was married to Paul, one of the Beatles, and she died of breast cancer after they had been married 20-something years). my friend asked, if you knew how it would end, would you still invest in a particular relationship? My answer was yes, because I thought what the McCartneys had was what all of us want to aspire to: They were good friends as well as spouses, they respected each other, they *enjoyed* each other. Death is nothing compared to what they had together in life ... death really couldn't touch it, you know? my friend said she wouldn't take the relationship because the pain of losing someone was too great. And I thought that was really sad, because think of all you'd lose by NOT taking those risks. Not that risks always pay off, but dammit, they sure bring meaning and color to our lives!
Author ioncebelieved Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 my "love theory" is that every failed relationship you go through brings you that much closer to the love you're ultimately meant to have. And that the experience you gain is priceless, because you learn that you do possess the capability to love. And that gets more finessed the more you allow yourself to love, you know? I sure hope this is true! Great way to look at it I might add. It is just amazing how different the emotions become between really loving someone to be heartbroken by that same person. Talk about a roller coaster ride for sure. Even though it may sound like from my thread that I just give up on love... that is way off of what I feel. It is just that this time around I really got messed up. I have the typical good days and I have the days where something triggers my still raw emotions. I have not given up on LOVE, I just will be more cautious the next time around. Quankanne, great way of getting it out here.
MMinerva Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 My story, summed up: I had one of those relationships where it was so great I felt as if I were in a movie. We were (and still are) so close in interests and likes that our lives fit almost perfectly. But it ended, about 5 years ago. I have had relationships after, but none came close. I still ache when he calls to see how I am doing, and have made a drunken ass of myself and confessed stuff I should never have said to him, thus concreting the inevidable truth that we will never be together again. The moral to my sad little tale: After all the pain, and countless hours of heartache, well past the thoughts of 'what if' have passed, in the end I would do it all over again. Why? Other than me being a masacist, the feeling that came from the love we shared over comes all of the hurt, and I will always have the memories. Like a beautiful photo alum stiched into my heart, never wilting or growing dull with every passing year.
orangehose Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I'm sure the people who have found a great, 'forever' relationship will say it's worth it, but I'm not sure many people do. Most marriages end in divorce. Serial monogamy is a pretty hardening, saddening process of getting your heart broken a bunch of times, or enduring bad relationships a couple of times, without any guarantee of a light at the end of the tunnel. Currently, I don't think the statistical likelihood of a happy ending outweighs the risk of pain (but maybe I'm just cynical). But then there's the argument that even though most relationships end, and end painfully, you can just try to enjoy them for what they are in the moment. I think that there's merit to that view, as long as you are capable of managing the cognitive dissonance that comes from giving your heart to someone who is probably not going to be there in the long run. I also think, to use Q's Linda McCartney example, that losing a partner to death is very different from losing them to betrayal / dumping. I might sign up for 20 years of a wonderful marriage to a guy destined to die young. But I couldn't sign up for 20 years of an enjoyable marriage to someone destined to betray me. Of course, in real life we don't know how things will end, so the question is, will you sign up for a relationship to someone who COULD quite likely leave you? That's a hard question to answer.
Eve Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 What Quankanne said.. Even though I cannot identify with your feelings of loss, I can understand your desire for true love. I have found that the persons previous to my Husband do have simular attributes to my husband - the difference is that he 'gets me'. Chin up.. Keep looking, preferably after spending some time looking at what you have to offer.
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