Star Gazer Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Another thread about the loss of my dear grammy, I know. I'm sorry. I've just never been through this before. How should friends be responding to my loss? MOST of them are so incredibly wonderful during this time, but there are a particular few who I WANT to care much more than they are showing me they do. I'm not sure what to expect, or how other people react when something like this happens, so I don't know if I'm expecting too much or being unreasonable. I don't expect everyone to drop what they're doing - like my two bestest friends did - but a select few have reacted as though I just told them that the milk in my fridge expired, not that someone very close to me just died. Just doesn't seem right...
jerbear Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Just be friends and leave you alone, if you need to talk or whatever; you contact them.
2sunny Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 expect nothing! then the ones who are supportive will delight you with their empathy and compassion. realistically though, if they have not felt the death of a close loved one - then they are probably not going to understand any of what you will be going through (and it lasts a loooong while). there are those who have also suffered from a loss and still are uncomfortable with the right words to say. for me, i simply give a very big huge and tell them that i am so very sorry. to follow up in future days with the opportunity to allow the person with the loss to just talk and talk is also a good way to acknowledge their need for comfort. sometimes we just want to be able to talk about the good things we remember about the person who is gone. some folks just aren't comfortable and make things worse by saying the wrong thing. this can be catastrophic, at best.
audrey_1 Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 When it comes to such things, I process things more internally. Me breaking down crying and not holding things together is no help to someone who needs me in what is their difficult time. For me, I have to keep it subdued, because once the flood gates open, it makes it difficult for me to recover from the sadness. It's a coping mechanism that can be mistaken for being uncaring. Trust me, it's not that people don't care. Some just really have to keep things close to the vest for their own personal reasons.
Recommended Posts