Capricciosa Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 Maybe so but if she has a kid by him then it won't be my problem to financially support her. Also most FWB relationships do not lead to a happily ever after relationship. They usually end in pain. If sex is the only connection she has with this guy and has nothing else in common with him then it cannot progress beyond sex. Sex alone cannot get a relationship off the ground. Just read all the threads about how it's not a good idea to take the path of FWB. If I were in a position of wanting a FWB relationship most of the posters would predict doom and gloom for me. By the way which will turn women off faster? A man who can't control his sexual desires and is sexually needy or a man who has no desire to have sex with her at all? Anyway I think telling her that I'm ok with her finding a FWB on the side is a good compromise. I'm not asking her to compromise her basic need for sex. I'm just saying get it from someone else and keep the relationship with me. Now if during the course of the relationship I find myself getting jealous that she's sleeping with another man then it's not like I'm forced to stay in the relationship. I'm free to end it at anytime. Sounds to me that you don't actually want a relationship with anyone. You don't want a friend, you don't want intimacy, and you feel you can go any time if what you state as your compromise starts to get to you. Why would any woman in her right mind involve herself in this selfish lunacy?
ABrokenWing Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 So it seems like I'm unworthy of being loved just because I don't desire to get sexually intimate when I'm in a relationship. I've been in 5 long term relationships in my life. Part of the reason they all ended was because I was never ready to take the relationship to a higher level of commitment and sexual intimacy. Having said all of that I'm almost beginning to feel like it's futile of me to even take care of myself. Why? because if I have no desire to be sexually intimate then it doesn't matter whether I'm good looking or not. It doesn't matter whether I can make a woman laugh or not. It does not matter whether I have meaningful intelligent conversations with her or not. In other words it does not matter how well I'm doing as a partner outside of the bedroom if I'm not willing to be sexually intimate with her. I am 28 and the majority of women my age want the relationship to progress to sex eventually. I want an exclusive relationship to last where I don't have to marry the woman nor live with her nor have sex with her. Would I be willing to accept her having a FWB on the side to get her sexual needs met? I'm open minded to it. So am I unworthy to be loved & accepted if I want a relationship without sex? No, you are not unworthy. It will just take you longer to find her. I feel like this sometimes, and feel like every guy wants to have sex by date 3. I'm just not interested in hoping into bed with someone. I want companionship, without all the sex. I'm not against sex, ( tho, I've never actually had it ) but want it to be way later in a relationship, and with someone I know I'll never leave or be left by. Try an asexual dating site, I know they are out there. Or if you're in Wisc.....
kashmir Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 So it seems like I'm unworthy of being loved just because I don't desire to get sexually intimate when I'm in a relationship. I've been in 5 long term relationships in my life. Part of the reason they all ended was because I was never ready to take the relationship to a higher level of commitment and sexual intimacy. Having said all of that I'm almost beginning to feel like it's futile of me to even take care of myself. Why? because if I have no desire to be sexually intimate then it doesn't matter whether I'm good looking or not. It doesn't matter whether I can make a woman laugh or not. It does not matter whether I have meaningful intelligent conversations with her or not. In other words it does not matter how well I'm doing as a partner outside of the bedroom if I'm not willing to be sexually intimate with her. I am 28 and the majority of women my age want the relationship to progress to sex eventually. I want an exclusive relationship to last where I don't have to marry the woman nor live with her nor have sex with her. Would I be willing to accept her having a FWB on the side to get her sexual needs met? I'm open minded to it. So am I unworthy to be loved & accepted if I want a relationship without sex? I thought it was a woman's dream to have a guy who wants to be with her but doesn't want sex. It's weird that those past relationships broke off.
mental_traveller Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Have you thought about why you don't have any desire to have sex? I mean do you have no sex drive at all? Do you masturbate? Or is it just that you are you not attracted to certain types of women? Or do you think you have an attraction to men instead? I would try to figure out your sexuality first. If you are just asexual then the best bet is to find a woman with little or no sexual interest. They are out there, in fact one girl I dated was like this, we're still friends but she simply has no interest in having sex (hence why she's an ex). But you will need to be open about it early on, otherwise you'll get women who want sex and get disappointed when you don't want it too. IMO you can find want you want, you'll just have to look a bit harder, like everyone with minority tastes or natures.
mental_traveller Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I thought it was a woman's dream to have a guy who wants to be with her but doesn't want sex. Hmm, why do you think that? I think most women want sex, they just want it with someone they feel a close emotional & personal connection to, and physical passion as well. Usually women who "don't want sex" do actually want it - they just don't want it with the guy they are with, because the emotional connection died, it became impersonal, and the physical passion was either never there or withered on the vine for various reasons.
kashmir Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Hmm, why do you think that? I think most women want sex, they just want it with someone they feel a close emotional & personal connection to, and physical passion as well. Usually women who "don't want sex" do actually want it - they just don't want it with the guy they are with, because the emotional connection died, it became impersonal, and the physical passion was either never there or withered on the vine for various reasons. Because they know they can get sex at any time they want from any chump guy out there. It's disposable to them, thus they don't care for it or value it. A girl can walk into a room and say, "Who wants to have sex?" and I guarantee she'll get at least a few guys coming to her. If a guy did the exact same thing, he'd probably be berated by the females there and thrown out with whatever power they have. Not that those situations are realistic, but you've gotta admit they're true. Women use sex as a way to control men...a thing to bargain with. If they actually liked it they would invest more into finding and dating men. A woman would be perfectly content if she never had any relations with men, as long as she can fend for herself. The reason I said it's a woman's dream to find a guy who doesn't like sex is she can get all the benefits she wants out of a relationship without having to put out. She doesn't have to have the burden of being kept up all night with a guy pounding over her while he's feeling good for a little while.
Capricciosa Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Because they know they can get sex at any time they want from any chump guy out there. It's disposable to them, thus they don't care for it or value it. Women use sex as a way to control men...a thing to bargain with. If they actually liked it they would invest more into finding and dating men. A woman would be perfectly content if she never had any relations with men, as long as she can fend for herself. The reason I said it's a woman's dream to find a guy who doesn't like sex is she can get all the benefits she wants out of a relationship without having to put out. She doesn't have to have the burden of being kept up all night with a guy pounding over her while he's feeling good for a little while. You obviously know nothing about women...
kashmir Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 You obviously know nothing about women... Maybe, but I'm only telling it like I see it. I don't come up with statements out of the blue. Obviously women have demonstrated these things to me either directly or indirectly for me to be convinced that they don't really like sex or men.
MusicChick24 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I actually understand how you feel...because my boyfriend of three years is the same way...and he's been very upfront with me the entire duration of our relationship that he just wasn't into sex (mostly because of his religousness and desire to wait until marriage) but it doesn't bother me at all. I know how you feel because I dont think it should affect your relationships because you don't want to have sex...women should be glad you aren't using them. I don't know what to tell you because my boyfriend just laid it on the line in the beginning and basically was like take it or leave it...(except nicer about it of course). So I know how you feel and you aren't alone. I suppose it's the curse of being a nice guy....but don't give up. Contrary to popular belief there will be a bunch of girls that don't care about that. <3
You'reasian Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 No it's not all about my wants and needs. I try to compromise in other areas. For example I don't want a woman to cook for me at all. I'd rather do most of the cooking. I'm very flexible when it comes to household chores. I can only hope and pray that the woman I end up having a LTR with will not be attracted to me in a sexual way. That way the sexual compatibility won't be an issue. Then again she will dump me because she's not attracted to me that way. So I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If she likes me in a sexual way she'll dump me for not giving it to her. If she does not like me in that way she'll dump me because she won't stay with someone she's not attracted to. The type of relationship I want is where we live 10 minutes away from each other but I get to see her 3 to 4 times per week for the rest of my life. Do you prefer girls whom are much younger than yourself? Father-daughter-like relationship?
You'reasian Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 If you look at the rest of the world, they tend to follow this model. A good 10 year age difference (or more) is normal - although its strange here in the states.
Capricciosa Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Maybe, but I'm only telling it like I see it. I don't come up with statements out of the blue. Obviously women have demonstrated these things to me either directly or indirectly for me to be convinced that they don't really like sex or men. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but you should then talk about the women you've met and not generalize. And you should ask yourself why you keep having this experience and how you contribute to it.
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