Narf Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 This might seem really random but, i have started to think that maybe it is me and not them... Ok ill try to explain I feel like others take me for granted... It is almost like they know i will stick around and therefore they dont treat me the best but to them it doesnt matter cause they know ill still be there for them when they need me... hmm another way to put it... It is like they treat me like family... For me my parents cop alot of my stress.. not on purpose but i know i can vent at them and they will always be there for me... Unconditional love... It seems my b/fs do that too... They can cancel with no notice.. they can say exactly what they feel at the time without thinking (have been told to lose weight or he will leave and another has told me that we are spending to much time together and it isnt fair on his other friends even thou we saw each other hmm once every 2 weeks), They can lie when they think the turth might hurt my feelings (most are just really silly little things that wouldnt faze me) E.G B/f had a magnet on his fridge... Was of a turtle he loved it.. I asked where he got it from? He said he brought it... About a week later i was talking to his flatmate the magnet gets mentioned and turns out it is a present from his ex g/f. In all honesty it didnt faze me... If he likes the magnet he likes the magnet i dont care who gave it to him.. He has shown no signs of wanting the ex back and he was the dumper... I can understand not going out of his way to tell me where it came from but when i ask directly he lies to me face? I have a problem. Anyways after they feel bad /guilty and say sorry and try make it upto me... Now my question is... How do i change this pattern... has happened with 3 guys so far and is happening again... They dont do this to there mates only me... It seems after we break up and dont see each other or talk to each other for a month or so it hits them that im not always going to be there and they come begging back... by that stage the damage is done and i cant go back... So currently there is a guy and he is showing the same patterns... He even said that if we didnt talk for whatever reason for 3-6 months and we bumped into each other he KNOWS! We would get back together... Is that normal?? So a few questions i have... 1. Is it my behaviour or is it the type of guys i am going out with? 2. Is there anything i can do to stop this trend? 3. Am i just dating the immature/Arrogants guys that havent learnt about actions and reacts? 4. How do i show someone ill be there for them without them thinking they can get away with treating me badly? Thanks heaps to anyone that can shed some light...
Trialbyfire Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 It's difficult to say what causes the problems whether it's that you don't hold them to your boundaries or that you select the wrong type of guys. It could also be a combination of the two. As for holding them to your boundaries, it means that if you're treated with a lack of respect, you don't take it, even the first time. In essence, you define your boundaries (be careful to not have too many and make them reasonable) and if they can't or won't keep to those boundaries, you can either give them a few chances and shut them down or shut them down right away. It's your choice. Some guys are boundary pushers. If so, once again, it's your choice to address them in the way that makes sense to you. No one can respect you if you don't believe you deserve their respect. As for a certain type of guy, these are the boundary pushers and guys that just aren't interested in meeting your needs. If so, you know what to do with them. Ask yourself why you're attracted to a certain type. Are they a challenge aka the bad boy type who have no respect for anyone?
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