kashmir Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 So I figure one of the reasons I've had minimal success with girls is because I suck at picking up signals. I never think anyone is flirting with me unless they make it blatantly obvious. There's one thing in particular that I'd like to clarify, though. A few times in the past month, I've been invited into girls' rooms or apartments after spending some time together elsewhere. During these times, we were alone. We'd sit on her bed or couch and watch a movie and talk. I never made any kind of physical move, though. When a girl does this, is it a signal that she wants me to make a move? Last time this happened we were sitting on the girl's bed watching the fast and the furious and I was really getting into it (never seen it before) and she was lying down not really paying attention to the TV. Looking back, I feel like she wanted me to do something, but I wasn't sure. Last thing I want is to go in for a hug or kiss or something and get the rape whistle blown on me.
serialgf Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 this reminds me of a situation i was in recently with my new guy. it was the first time we hooked up. same thing. we were watching a movie in my bed and i wasn't really paying attention. he picked up on it and was giving me the "eyes" back and then said, "are you flirting with me?" to which i responded "yes" to which he then responded, "what do you want me to do?" to which i in turn said, "kiss me" and he did and that was that - presto! you could try something like that... though maybe you're not that bold? i don't know it seemed like a sweet way to approach the situation without being aggressive...
konfuzd Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 If a girls are inviting you over to 'hang out', There is a chance that you are simply in the friend zone, so I'd suggest just keeping it cool while you are there, and at the end of the movie, say something like, "I really like hanging out with you and I'd like to take you out for coffee/dinner sometime." That will tell her for sure it's a date, and if she accepts, you're free to make a move. PS- What kind of first move are you thinking of using that would cause her to blow a rape whistle? You may want to tone 'er down a bit there big gunner.
amaysngrace Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Maybe before you go back to a girl's apartment make sure you're more into the girl than you would be a movie. If not don't go.
Author kashmir Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 PS- What kind of first move are you thinking of using that would cause her to blow a rape whistle? You may want to tone 'er down a bit there big gunner. Haha. No, I'm just shy and always afraid of coming on too strong. These weren't just hangouts. We never officially called them "dates," but going to the girl's place came after we essentially went on a date - going out to lunch, coffee, a walk in the park, etc. Just us, no one else. And while I was enjoying the movie, I would have loved to turn it off and pay attention to the girl, but like I said, I'm shy.
BlueHarvest Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 OH lord...i had the exact same situation...well not exactly but I never made a move. Problem is I think she was looking for a one night fling and I wasn't...It was only our second time hanging out together alone and frankly I wasn't ready to move that fast. Long story short...I got friend-zoned for not making a move. Yea I could have had a nice bout of sex...but I didn't just want the sex...I wanted a relationship. I'm tired of the party-girl type...I'm ready to settle down and find a nice girl myself.
Confusedalways Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 oh my god! You sound like the guy who i'm trying to make make a move on me! I invite him over to watch a movie and it's exactly what he does. It's frustrating! I'm not saying you need to like do anything even MAJOR during these little hang outs. A simple putting an arm around her the first time is FINE... just so she knows you're not ignoring her/ oblivious. Even a hand hold or simple flirting is fine. There is NOTHING more frustrating to me than inviting a guy over to have him sit on a different couch and actually pay attention to the movie. You can watch the movie if you want.. but at least do it next to the girl. Maybe i'm speaking with a wrath since this just happened to me but.. yeah.
BlueHarvest Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Well some girls don't give clear signals confused....what kind of signals are you giving this guy? Not to mention...guys if they move too fast are just given the boot. Most shy guys go slow anyways...so you'll have to give a fairly strong signal to convince him to make SOME type of move. Once they get that signal it usually works out well after that...It's just shy guys have a hard time reading that first signal.
Author kashmir Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 You need to see it from a guy's perspective. It's hard making a move! I don't know if she invited me over just to watch a movie or if she wants me to show a bit of affection. I want to show affection, but I also don't want to get rejected trying it. I've had a few bad incidents where I made the smallest moves on a girl and she lashed out against me, so now I'm cautious about doing it.
Confusedalways Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 thats true... sorry I got on my soapbox but seriously, how are the girls when you talk to them? Are they going out of their way to invite you? Do you find them talking to you about basically nothing just for the sake of talking?? I know it's hard reading people's signs-- trust me I'm in the same position. But what is the kind of relationships you have with these girls? I mean are you good friends, or just met them or what?
serialgf Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 kashmir did you read my suggestion above? it's custom tailored for a shy guy such as yourself....
Author kashmir Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 how are the girls when you talk to them? Are they going out of their way to invite you? Do you find them talking to you about basically nothing just for the sake of talking?? I know it's hard reading people's signs-- trust me I'm in the same position. But what is the kind of relationships you have with these girls? I mean are you good friends, or just met them or what? I really don't know, hence why I'm oblivious. =p Sometimes there are silences after a lot of talking, but the girls I'm with are usually really shy themselves. One is a very good friend, the others are girls I recently met and asked out. serialgf, that's a good idea, but like I said, these girls are shy. If I ask them that, they'll probably respond with, "I don't know" very timidly, at least that's what I think.
serialgf Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 sounds painful i'm not one bit shy so i'm afraid i can't be of much use to you... good luck though it sounds at least like you do have some ladies interested in you though i think it'll work out for you! good luck!
Confusedalways Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 ahh Kash, this sounds almost identical to the situation i'm in right now, honestly. I wish I could see the situation with my own two eyes- it'd be so much easier! Have you thought about text flirting? Or AIM flirting? Really anything helps. I know the biggest thing that helped my current situation was us wrestling when we were a little tipsy. And although it seems kinda middleschoolish, i'm personally never above asking his (or in your case, her) friends? It helps to have an in.
Author kashmir Posted October 15, 2008 Author Posted October 15, 2008 Ok, from now on I'm going to take the risk and go in for the kiss or hold or whatever when I feel like it. A girl I kinda liked slipped by and I feel like it was because I didn't act fast enough.
serialgf Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 yeay! if thats you in your avatar btw you're totally cute so you shouldn't have any troubles.... be strong!!
Author kashmir Posted October 22, 2008 Author Posted October 22, 2008 yeay! if thats you in your avatar btw you're totally cute so you shouldn't have any troubles.... be strong!! hehe, thanks...but I obviously do have a lot of troubles, otherwise I wouldn't be here! There's no one available that I really like, now that these girls have kind of faded away. There are a few in some of my classes I'd like to talk to though. I'll have to get on that.
MrMe Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 LOL..you know whats funny... I have a female friend who told me she invited a guy over one night for a movie and she was actually upset that the guy didnt make any move... All night long (the night after the incident) she kept asking me if I thought there was something wrong with her. So..who knows, maybe she did expect you to make some sort of move. Im like you tho, im sometimes slow to pick up these signals and signs.
Water Tiger 08 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 This is just me.....but if you want something go after it. There could be some initial fumbling, bumbling, and not getting it just right but you'll get it quickly! Don't start grabbing her though, but make an initial touch. See how she responds. Bottom line, it won't be the end of the world if she says "I'm not interested". Actually that will be good because now you've moved out of the twilight uncertainty zone. Don't settle for friends, you can quickly move on. Maybe if she likes your company she'll adjust to your desires.
Vertex Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 You sound a lot like me, haha. I have the same problem. Believe me, I know how hard it is. There's this burning desire to do something but the limbs just won't move I've usually started out by sitting extremely close to the girl. If they don't distance themselves, I consider that a good sign. If they continue to stay close, I usually just put an arm around them. Even that is really hard for me to do, and I tend to work up the courage only if they reciprocate some sort of obvious sign (e.g. head on the shoulder, they move their hand closer, whatever). If they freak out, I always figure I could say I thought friends did that *shrug*. Anyways, if she lets you put an arm around, you're usually in good shape. Haha, not sure what else to say. Good luck!
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Last thing I want is to go in for a hug or kiss or something and get the rape whistle blown on me. Trying to kiss someone isn't generally mis-construed as rape... you are way off base and making ridiculous excuses. I find it pretty appaling that you're inventing false scenarios where women freely accuse men of rape for no good reason just because you're too much of a pussy to make a move on someone.
Author kashmir Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Trying to kiss someone isn't generally mis-construed as rape... you are way off base and making ridiculous excuses. I find it pretty appaling that you're inventing false scenarios where women freely accuse men of rape for no good reason just because you're too much of a pussy to make a move on someone. Um, who the hell are you? I've had some bad experiences with some girls, and because of that I've become a bit cautious around them. Combine that with my naturally shy self and a ton of other **** that happened that made me be cautious around people. You're calling me a pussy? You're the one that's way off base. Get lost.
Fraggle Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Don't start grabbing her though, but make an initial touch. Agreed. Start out with something like, "wow, you look like you have really soft hands." If she offers one to you or you can gently reach for one, but make a move to feel her hands. If she lets you touch her hands (just lightly stroke them with your fingers to gauge her reaction), doesn't pull away, sits there with a silly smile on her face... you're golden. If she pulls away, well, then you know. You can then move to kissing a hand, sucking on fingers, kissing her, etc.
Green Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Don't worry about rape, seeming like a creep or what ever else and just kiss the girl. Its so much easier to get forgiven for doing something then for not doing something. I've learned that kissing a girl and touching her are actualy the things that will make them like you so just go ahead and do it weather you think they like you or not. Once you kiss the girl and see a good reaction from her you probaly won't feel shy anymore
IrishCarBomb Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Um, who the hell are you? I've had some bad experiences with some girls, and because of that I've become a bit cautious around them. Combine that with my naturally shy self and a ton of other **** that happened that made me be cautious around people. You're calling me a pussy? You're the one that's way off base. Get lost. Hmmm... no problem asserting yourself here...
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