Will he leave her for me?

October 9, 2008

I'm new here and just wanted to get outsiders opinion on situation!

So I was introduced to a guy by a friend at my birthday party, he was gorgeous and extremely friendly so I spent a lot of time talking to him. But as one of my friends had shown an interest in him, the thought that I may personally be interested in him did not cross my mind at all

A few weeks down the line, I befriended him on a social networking site mainly because we shared so many mutual friends. From that day onwards he messaged me at least twice a week with lengthy epic emails even stating on his second ever message ‘for some reason I could write to you all day’.

We became very firm email buddies and the emails continued to bounce back and forth for over a month, until he admitted how much he loved looking forward to my messages and that he thought I was extremely attractive when he met me at my birthday. I agreed I felt the same way and asked him about his relationship status to which he replied, he had a long term girlfriend but that it was a complicated situation

I should have run a mile then but instead I continued getting to know him over messages, I figured we weren’t doing any harm. And as the months went on, the message continued to be exchanged, eventually telephone numbers were exchanged and text messages became regular

About 6 month into it, we decided to meet for a drink and see if there was any chemistry. And we had the time of our lives, considering it was a first date I felt like I’d known him forever, we laughed and we shared stories about our lives for hours and hours. I knew then I’d fallen for him and I could see he felt the same way but we kept our hands to ourselves, until the third meeting in which we kissed.

So clearly we’ve fallen for one another or at least I know I definitely have but after the kiss things changed, all of a sudden, he seemed distant and his messages became irregular. And when he does get in touch he gushes on about how he can’t stop thinking about me and how special and amazing I’m and how he doesn’t know what to do. And call it pride or stupidity but I refuse to give him an ultimatum or even pressure him to end it with his girlfriend because I don’t want the responsibility of someone ending their relationship for me, what if it doesn’t work out between us?

I just want him to end his relationship because it’s not right for him and without my influence; I figure he can’t be that happy in his relationship if he is showing strong signs of liking me. He is 10 years ole than me, he lives with this woman and they’ve been together for 6 years, they are not married and they don’t have kids. I don’t know what to do or how to approach it because I’ve never been in this situation before. Will he leave her for me on his own accords? Or am I just being optimistic? Do guys generally leave for their relationship and pursue new ones? I know most of you will say, if he can leave her, he might leave me also but I’m willing to take that risk and something tells me if we ever got together it could be forever, I’ve never felt this kind of connection with anyone before. Help!!!!!

My friends all say I need to forget him because it’s all so complicated but I wondered if anyone has been in similar situation before. And how it turned out!

October 9, 2008

So clearly we’ve fallen for one another or at least I know I definitely have but after the kiss things changed, all of a sudden, he seemed distant and his messages became irregular.

He is attached, living with someone for 6 years. You and he have an email buddy relationship which he really enjoys for 6 months. No line crossed. Then you have a "date", and kiss. Line crossed. He feels guilty and distances himself. OR the kiss made him realize the email buddy relationship was all he really wanted/needed.

After nearly a year, with one kiss the only tangible thing to go on...whats confusing? Unless you have continued to see each other in person?

October 9, 2008

why don't you just make your life and your decision simple and ask him?

1. he will either say he's staying - and you have your answer (lose all contact with him). OR

2. he will say he's leaving - and you can see if it works out with him.

if he avoids a specific answer or says he's not sure or needs more time - then you also have the answer of #1 listed above.

at this point he's not making an effort to leave her - so that in itself is your answer... see #1

he would leave if he wanted to - but he doesn't have a reason to or a reason he's giving - so that is not a good sign. he may keep you participating to stroke his ego. is that enough for you?

October 9, 2008

wow, i could have written your thread. i'm in a very similar circumstance. just saying hi right now, go ahead and check out my threads if you want.

welcome to the club

October 9, 2008

i say leave him.. he doesn't seem to know much about his own life.. I think he's stringing you in..

My thought: he won't leave her.

October 10, 2008

Probably not.

October 10, 2008

I'm new here and just wanted to get outsiders opinion on situation!

So I was introduced to a guy by a friend at my birthday party, he was gorgeous and extremely friendly so I spent a lot of time talking to him. But as one of my friends had shown an interest in him, the thought that I may personally be interested in him did not cross my mind at all

A few weeks down the line, I befriended him on a social networking site mainly because we shared so many mutual friends. From that day onwards he messaged me at least twice a week with lengthy epic emails even stating on his second ever message ‘for some reason I could write to you all day’.

We became very firm email buddies and the emails continued to bounce back and forth for over a month, until he admitted how much he loved looking forward to my messages and that he thought I was extremely attractive when he met me at my birthday. I agreed I felt the same way and asked him about his relationship status to which he replied, he had a long term girlfriend but that it was a complicated situation

I should have run a mile then but instead I continued getting to know him over messages, I figured we weren’t doing any harm. And as the months went on, the message continued to be exchanged, eventually telephone numbers were exchanged and text messages became regular

About 6 month into it, we decided to meet for a drink and see if there was any chemistry. And we had the time of our lives, considering it was a first date I felt like I’d known him forever, we laughed and we shared stories about our lives for hours and hours. I knew then I’d fallen for him and I could see he felt the same way but we kept our hands to ourselves, until the third meeting in which we kissed.

So clearly we’ve fallen for one another or at least I know I definitely have but after the kiss things changed, all of a sudden, he seemed distant and his messages became irregular. And when he does get in touch he gushes on about how he can’t stop thinking about me and how special and amazing I’m and how he doesn’t know what to do. And call it pride or stupidity but I refuse to give him an ultimatum or even pressure him to end it with his girlfriend because I don’t want the responsibility of someone ending their relationship for me, what if it doesn’t work out between us?

I just want him to end his relationship because it’s not right for him and without my influence; I figure he can’t be that happy in his relationship if he is showing strong signs of liking me. He is 10 years ole than me, he lives with this woman and they’ve been together for 6 years, they are not married and they don’t have kids. I don’t know what to do or how to approach it because I’ve never been in this situation before. Will he leave her for me on his own accords? Or am I just being optimistic? Do guys generally leave for their relationship and pursue new ones? I know most of you will say, if he can leave her, he might leave me also but I’m willing to take that risk and something tells me if we ever got together it could be forever, I’ve never felt this kind of connection with anyone before. Help!!!!!

My friends all say I need to forget him because it’s all so complicated but I wondered if anyone has been in similar situation before. And how it turned out!

Not to be a pessemist, but if he doesn't leave her very soon, in the next month or two, I wouldn't imagine he ever will.

he's not married. he has no kids. he has no obligations to this woman other than to be honest with her if he doesn't want to be with her. And if he's not telling her he wants to break up with her, then obviously he is not sure whether or not he wants to leave her and I would imagine it means he still has feelings for her.

I have an A with a married man with three kids all very young, a new house a SAHM for a wife, and he is the sole provider. Suffice to say, even if he wanted to leave his wife, there are way too many complications and other reasons not to.

Your dude has no such things holding him back. Sorry to say it, but he might just be having problems with his girlfriend and is usuing communication with you as an outlet for his distress, as a distraction. he might not be telling you the whole story- maybe she is pressuring him to get married, maybe they are engaged, maybe she wants a family, hell, maybe his girlfriend is pregnant recently. These could all be new things for him that stress him out, and he just needs a distraction for a bit while he adjusts to it.

If he doesn't do it soon, I'd say he ain't doin it at all, sorry....don't bother with this headache while you can still gte out yourself. its alot harder to get out once you get massively attached. Take my hell, for instance. Four years of an A with this MM and I am miserable, don't know how to end it because Im so in love with him, and he's married with three kids and etc. Go find yourself a single guy that can focus on YOU!

October 10, 2008

Not to be a pessemist, but if he doesn't leave her very soon, in the next month or two, I wouldn't imagine he ever will.

he's not married. he has no kids. he has no obligations to this woman other than to be honest with her if he doesn't want to be with her. And if he's not telling her he wants to break up with her, then obviously he is not sure whether or not he wants to leave her and I would imagine it means he still has feelings for her.

I have an A with a married man with three kids all very young, a new house a SAHM for a wife, and he is the sole provider. Suffice to say, even if he wanted to leave his wife, there are way too many complications and other reasons not to.

Your dude has no such things holding him back. Sorry to say it, but he might just be having problems with his girlfriend and is usuing communication with you as an outlet for his distress, as a distraction. he might not be telling you the whole story- maybe she is pressuring him to get married, maybe they are engaged, maybe she wants a family, hell, maybe his girlfriend is pregnant recently. These could all be new things for him that stress him out, and he just needs a distraction for a bit while he adjusts to it.

If he doesn't do it soon, I'd say he ain't doin it at all, sorry....don't bother with this headache while you can still gte out yourself. its alot harder to get out once you get massively attached. Take my hell, for instance. Four years of an A with this MM and I am miserable, don't know how to end it because Im so in love with him, and he's married with three kids and etc. Go find yourself a single guy that can focus on YOU!

Just want to let you know that some do leave... even with children and a w who is a sahm. Mine did... and it sure wasnt at the begining of the A. Took 4 long years. With Ic and MC.... My point is if they want to leave bad enough they eventually do leave... The question is do you want to go through hell to maybe get there?

October 10, 2008

Save yourself the heartache (that is SURE to come...) and just leave things alone.

If a man has a live-in girlfriend and his situation is "complicated", why would you want to EVER get involved in that type of mess?!

Look, I'm looking from the outside in, you don't have much time invested here.... I know, I know, but you both like eachother. Well, if you both REALLY do, let him fix, or get out of what he's in before you both continue on.

I can only see heartache and pain coming your way.

I'm sorry, and I don't mean to be cruel, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble.

Please, if I had someone tell me what I'm trying to tell you, I would have saved myself 3 years of pain.

Girlfriend, don't you know that you are worth soooo much more than being someone's seconds?!

PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS.... THEY NEVER LIE!!!!

October 11, 2008

Save yourself the heartache (that is SURE to come...) and just leave things alone.
If a man has a live-in girlfriend and his situation is "complicated", why would you want to EVER get involved in that type of mess?!
Look, I'm looking from the outside in, you don't have much time invested here.... I know, I know, but you both like eachother. Well, if you both REALLY do, let him fix, or get out of what he's in before you both continue on.
I can only see heartache and pain coming your way.
I'm sorry, and I don't mean to be cruel, but you are only setting yourself up for trouble.
Please, if I had someone tell me what I'm trying to tell you, I would have saved myself 3 years of pain.
Girlfriend, don't you know that you are worth soooo much more than being someone's seconds?!
PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS.... THEY NEVER LIE!!!!

I agree 100%, It is a hell of a long road of pain. You never think it will be years. its always "soon" in mm eyes...If this is the begining, do get out now. An Affair will sometimes hurt so much , it will bring you down to your knee's, no face to the floor...Years girl... There is no quick FIX!!! Got the years to wait????

October 11, 2008

I was in the same situation. I was you and i thought that he would never leave her, although he would tell me that he was unhappy in that relationship. Soon after he left her, that was a year and a half ago. We are still together happy and with a child. Although our relationship went a bit fast we still really love each other and are happy together. BUT, its not always soo happy-go-lucky, there are times that i think that he would do the same the me that he did to her. All you have to do is have a good and open communication and talk about things. Talk to him and ask him about the way things are going, dont give him and ultimatum, you will only make him become more distant. As long as you both have good communication, you will know whats going on in his head and if you should get your hopes up or not. For now, just take things one step at a time, things will fall into place if thats where its suppose to be.