Duckie Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 He does so many nice things for me. Like big nice things. But on a day to day basis isn't that nice to me. He's pretty cold. And when we have a discussion about anything he disappears or turns into a child or, worse, calls me names and becomes very degrading. There's also a friend of his I worry about. I know he used to like her, but she lives far away. If she lived closer I know they would be together. I won't go into too many details, but he's pretty much made it impossible for me to be okay with their friendship. He purposefully wanted to make me jealous and set out to do so. He says I'm bitchy and deserve whatever names he calls me or when he snaps at me and so forth. I don't know what to do. Technically, we broke up yesterday. I tried to tell him I wasn't feeling "safe" because he hides me so much, especially from this girl in particular, and maybe he could find some ways to make me more visible in his life. He refused, said I can't demand anything of him, and that the relationship is always on "my terms". I didn't think I made such a huge demand. I just meant to change his myspace status to in a relationship, talk about me with his friends (yeah, duckie and I went to x this weekend, it was a lot of fun...) because he never even mentions me. I have felt like some sort of secret. Am I so out of line? I don't get it.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Duckie, I definately think its time to leave him. He is not treating you with respect at all. Him calling you rude names in unacceptable behaviour. As for not telling his friends about you and what not, and keeping his status set to single - if he really loved you and thought you were the one, he'd bring you into his life. Its true some people don't feel like they need to really tell people about their romantic life - its personal, and thats understandable, HOWEVER, whats wrong with mentioning you and him hung out on the weekend? Whats wrong with saying hes in a relationship, he is isnt he? This was a MAJOR problem I had with my ex. For a little while. He would just not change his status on myspace - although he admitted he hated that site, and in his defense, he hardly ever went on. He did have facebook for a little while, in which we were listed as in a relationship, but after a few months he deleted it - again, not because of me I think, but moreso because he just does not like that kind of social networking stuff. In my case, it was pretty silly, and pretty small, but it kinda stung. ALSO! Why we broke up - he would NOT TELL this one girl about me being over or us hanging out. He told me he mentioned him dating me to her... but I honestly doubt it. He ended up dating her immediate after we broke up - which was because I felt he was disrespecting me by flirting with this new girl on AIM while I was right beside him. Ugh... too stupid Sorry for the long post - my point, overall, is: Get out while you still can. For many reasons he does not sound like a good guy for you. I know its going to be hard and painful but... speaking from experience, the sooner you get out of one of these relationships, the better. You can start moving on and find a nicer guy who loves loving you.
Hersheys Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Just leave him. You don't even have to tell him that you're breaking up. Remember that you feel like you two are a secret and that he hides a lot of things from you. Trust me it will remain that way. A realtionship like that will only make you miserable. Hide his b*tt out of your life permanently.
Bob54 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 from him or anyone else. If he insults your intellect, invalidates your feelings, calls you names, or is verbally abusive, you need to have the strength to LEAVE NOW. Here's why: People who start with verbal abuse (or who have a "Mean streak"), usually escalate to physical abuse sooner or later. You don't want to be the girl who finds out how mean he is the hard way. So walk away, and do it fast. Don't engage in any more arguments with him. If he tries to start one, just say nothing back ( I know that's not easy, remember, he'll be trying to draw you in), retain your dignity and walk right out that door. Actually, based on all these red flags I'm seeing and his anger issues, I would recommmend you have this conversation in a public place with lots of witnesses around. Do not let yourself be alone with him when you have this talk...you just don't know how angry his reaction might be. Then, remove yourself completely (change your email, phone # if you have to) and never speak to him again. I know this isn't easy to hear, hon' - and I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but he sounds like a real jerk who might just be very, very bad for you in the long run. Look at it thisway: people usually show you their best side early on. If this is his best side, what's he going to be like a few months/years from now? Project forward, see that ugly picture in your mind, and it will be much easier to walk away. Hang on to that thought. It will get you though this.
allxxs84 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 He does so many nice things for me. Like big nice things. But on a day to day basis isn't that nice to me. He's pretty cold. And when we have a discussion about anything he disappears or turns into a child or, worse, calls me names and becomes very degrading. There's also a friend of his I worry about. I know he used to like her, but she lives far away. If she lived closer I know they would be together. I won't go into too many details, but he's pretty much made it impossible for me to be okay with their friendship. He purposefully wanted to make me jealous and set out to do so. He says I'm bitchy and deserve whatever names he calls me or when he snaps at me and so forth. I don't know what to do. Technically, we broke up yesterday. I tried to tell him I wasn't feeling "safe" because he hides me so much, especially from this girl in particular, and maybe he could find some ways to make me more visible in his life. He refused, said I can't demand anything of him, and that the relationship is always on "my terms". I didn't think I made such a huge demand. I just meant to change his myspace status to in a relationship, talk about me with his friends (yeah, duckie and I went to x this weekend, it was a lot of fun...) because he never even mentions me. I have felt like some sort of secret. Am I so out of line? I don't get it. no you are not out of line! he sounds like he is still looking. love should never be demanding, but if you tell him his actions hurt your feelings and he continues, then it isnt love.
9Lives Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Just leave him. You don't even have to tell him that you're breaking up. Remember that you feel like you two are a secret and that he hides a lot of things from you. Trust me it will remain that way. A realtionship like that will only make you miserable. Hide his b*tt out of your life permanently. I agree with this post here. I would walk away and not tell him anything. His ego is big. He thinks he can treat you in kind of way. He dont really respect you and it is not going to get better. You are going to be miserable. He will continue to keep things from you. I would leave. My ex was like that to a certain degree. He needs to see more value in you or it will always be that way. Trust...when you walk away and not fight back...he is going to come at you. Just give him the cold shoulder...this is very important cause he thinks he is the man
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