daisydo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 we've been having problems for about a month and a half now.. i thought things were getting better lately.. but i checked his phone and his phone log had been cleared out and there was a record of texting between him and his ex-girlfriend. we've been having problems in the bedroom too.. he has trouble getting it up.. very little sex drive. i can't help but think something is going on and this evidence that he has been texting his ex is just the nail in the coffin. a month or so ago i asked him if he wanted to break up with me because he was giving me signals that he was pulling away. he's been distant for a while.. but lately things have been getting better. then i saw this. i don't think i can just look past it. i'll never be able to trust him again. he hasn't said anything about being in contact with his ex.. and we used to talk about everything. now it's like he barely tells me anything. i am so angry that he would sneak around like this and play these games. it just gives me little faith in my feelings because i felt such an amazing, strong connection to him when i first met him. the more i think about it - the more i think he might have never gotten over his ex. when we first got together, he called me by his ex-girlfriend's name. he felt horrible about it and apologized profusely.. but it stung and i should have taken that as a sign that i wasn't the first on his mind. do you guys think i am making the right decision? part of me feels slightly conflicted.. but i've been through this before and i hate the feeling of not trusting someone.. i hate the feeling of being unsure as to whether or not someone really cares about you and whether or not you are the first in their mind. i just want to feel assured in a relationship.. not spiraling out of control. any advice or words of encouragement will help please. thank you!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Did his ex hurt him badly (was he the one dumped)? How long did he wait after their breakup until he started things with you? Also, how long have you been dating? If he started dating you fairly quickly after him and his ex broke up, then its possible he never really got over her, and as you suspect, he is distancing himself because he is talking to her now, and emotionally invested in her. Since hes getting distant, and not really trying to resolve things, but gut instinct is to tell you to get out of this relationship where he has unresolved feelings for his ex, and more importantly, is not treating you well. I'm guessing if you keep holding onto the breadcrumbs hes tossing you, he may end up hurting you more later than if you left him now. It also sounds like your trust in him is broken. Will that be fixable down the road? Can you see him willing to commit to getting it back? If not, that by itself is kind of an issue. If you need to snoop his phone to get info about what you feel is trouble, then there is definately something wrong. Sit down with him, be clear and concise about how you are feeling and see if hes willing to get his **** together. If he isnt, take the high road and get out while you can, it will make the healing process faster I think.
ninjaturtles Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 The answer to this question is crucial? Did his Ex girlfriend end the relationship OR did HE end the relationship?..or was it mutual? This could give you an inisight into whether or not he ever really got over his ex girlfriend.
Angel1111 Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 You need to just tell him what you saw on his phone and that you feel you can no longer trust him. Unless he has a sterling response, then break up with him. Tell him that this has made you incredibly uncomfortable, plus the fact that he apparently isn't interested in sex anymore. Once someone has you guessing about trust, it's over as far as I'm concerned. He'll probably try to convince you that he's not doing anything, blah, blah, blah. You can go back and forth with one another, and you can talk till the cows come home, but the truth is, he's broken your trust. If these discussions with his ex were above-board, he would've told you about them. But he didn't. You're making the right decision. No one should be tolerant of distrust. It ruins everything.
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