shm772 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 My gilfried of a year left me for almost 3 weeks of NC. I called her and we met for dessert. the next night i went to her place and we had sex and i slept over. she said the next night that she wants to just date me for the next 3 months and have no sex, so our judgement is not clouded. this gives me time to work on my issues and her on hers. i am in aggreeance with it for i love this woman and am willing to do what it takes to have a healthy relationship with her. how do i act around her? do you think this is a good thing to do? feedback is greatly appreciated.
BackonTrack Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 dude your stupid. ask your-self question a) does she love having sex? b) think about it, does she love to have sex?' If she is not having sex with you, then she is 100% sure having sex with someone else. Your so stupid. Girls only deny sex to their partners when they are having sex with someone else. You are taking the bread-crumbs off her plate, right now, you are her doormat. Thats bad my friend..... She already made the decision to leave you. Sooner or later she's going to fall in love with the new guy and ditch you like a bad habbit. When a female begins to deny u sex, its because they are having sex with someone else. Save yourself the pain, dump her now. Find someone else. Your relationship is OVER. I'm sorry to be the one to break the bad news to you..... PS. the reason she doesn't want to get confused is because she doesn't want two people inside of her at the same time. Your stupid for believing her. My whoring EX girlfriend started to deny me sex as well, she said she wanted to get closer to god, I foolishly believed her. She would still come around ofcourse, I kept loving her ofcourse. Turns out she was sucking and ****ing another man. She kept coming around though until she got confused. The word "confused" should be a red-flag. What she is doing right now is actually detaching herself emmotionally from you, while still having you there. Right now your her back-up plan. You are no longer her boyfriend. The moment she falls in love with this new dude, your history. Its going to take roughly 3 months. Your girlfriend is rather smart. You on the other hand is a complete fool. The best thing you can do at this point is go complete NC. Don't tell her, just go NC. Sooner or later she is going to call u and come looking for you. Ignore her calls, ignore her attempts to contact you. Right now myfriend, you are no longer in a relationship, right now my friend the games has just began. DING DING, this is round two. Round ONE was to go NC, wait for you to call her. Round two is to state her terms, you either accept it or you don't. Round three, you have accepeted it, so far she's winning. Round four = still hang out with you, still have fun, still pretend you are in a relationship but no sex.... Remember she doesn't want to get confused. Round five = she falls in love Round Six = Your history. Then your going to spend the next couple of months recovering from the hurt and the pain after you found out she was cheating on you. Then your going to try to deseperately win her back, ofcourse this will only push her away and reinforce her decision for leaving you. Now all this time while your suffering, she will be having fun, sucking and ****ing some other guy. Save yourself the pain myfriend.... Or i'll see you back here in a few months under the coping section. OR u can play the game with her. Whois her best friend? Is her best friend interested in you? Have sex with her best friend. Your going to end up hurt either way, its up to you how you want to exit her life. You can go out as a champ or as a doormat or as man who doesn't like games. You decide. Tell her you cannot contiune the relationship is no Sex is involved. Ofcourse she is going to say "Its OVER" Then its a waiting game. Who will call who first. Whoever calls who first, is the loser. Oh... Wait a minute, u already blinked. U already called her first. U are already losing. End it now. If you think I am wrong.. Test my theory. Tell her "No sex = no relationship" Watch her tell you its OVER right then and there in your face or watch her try and manipulate you into believing why NO sex = GOOD. Your a fool if you believe her.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Yeah... back on track is right. It IS a little odd she'd say no sex. The ONLY time I personally would put that up as a condition would be if a man who dumped me and hurt me deeply asked to give our relationship another try. He'd have to work incredibly hard to win my trust back, if he could, and he'd have to win my love back too. Until he managed that, he'd be cut off sex, simply out of my own self respect. But... since you're the dumpee... this is really backwards. I'm not sure what I'd think.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 13, 2008 Posted October 13, 2008 Well actually. Maybe she really does want to work things out and not have sex. I think like... if I broke up with someone, but realized I wanted them back, then slept with them out of no where... I'd feel like whorish. So maybe I'd ask for some no sex distance. But... watch out. She DID dump you after all - it could easily happen again.
Jake C Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 My gilfried of a year left me for almost 3 weeks of NC. I called her and we met for dessert. the next night i went to her place and we had sex and i slept over. she said the next night that she wants to just date me for the next 3 months and have no sex, so our judgement is not clouded. this gives me time to work on my issues and her on hers. i am in aggreeance with it for i love this woman and am willing to do what it takes to have a healthy relationship with her. how do i act around her? do you think this is a good thing to do? feedback is greatly appreciated. Yeah I think it's a good thing. It'll prove whether or not your relationship is based on true feelings and emotion, or if it's just a physical thing. How you treat her is like how you would treat a friend, only a little more affectionate. You can snuggle up to her, flirt with her, lovingly pick on her, just don't get physical. If it helps you may want to sit down with her and discuss whats allowed and what isn't. Good Luck.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I agree that 'no sex' doesn't automatically mean she's having sex with someone else. After we broke up she said the same thing...but after a few weeks, we got weak and had sex....couple of times...I could tell she wasn't having sex. She stopped grooming down there. The booty calls were spontaneous so she didn't have time to do that. So obviously she wasn't f**king anyone else otherwise she would have been shaving, etc. Also she admitted to me that she fantasizes about me when she 'takes care of herself'. Besides, I can see how a woman could be massively in love with someone they feel being with is chaotic to their life and having a struggle between the heart and brain. Sex would most certainly complicate getting through that conflict.
BCCA Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 Backontrack has a legitimate point, but (please, I mean no offense) I think it went a little overboard. I do feel like its odd that she wants to just date you and not have sex for 3 months. That is FAR too vague, you need to know exactly what all the details of this arrangement are. Why are you not having sex (confusion is a red flag, and probably BS)? Is she dating you exclusively? Are you two not having sex at all for 3 months or just not with each other? Dont lie to yourself, you absolutely deserve the answers to these questions. Here is my honest take: either she isn't really interested in fixing things and feels that by holding out on sex you'll get tired and go away without her having to look bad (remember, as long as you can play the 'he just wanted sex' card, its always the guys fault) or she is pissed at you and wants to make you suffer. Do not agree to anything without clear definition of whats going on and who is going to do what. You dont want to spend 3 sexless months working on yourself only to find out that A) she hasnt even considered working on herself, B) she still isn't ready or keeps trying to buy time, or C) she has been dating someone else and doesnt want to get serious with you. I actually agree that unless she can give you a straight answer about why you arent having sex, whether or not you are exclusive, what you are supposed to do and what she is supposed to do, what her/your goals are in doing this, and exactly how long this is going to last. If she cant, then you do need to say no sex = no relationship. DO NOT let women use sex or the withhoding/promise of sex as a means of manipulation. Anytime I hear women bring up sex in this manner, they usually have a whole other agenda then what they are telling you. Just because she isnt sleeping with you doesnt mean that she is sleeping with someone else, but its odd that after you two have already dated that she would just decide to hold out. Especially since youve had it recently...on her terms. Keep that in mind, too...its gotta be a two way street.
Dmoney28 Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 ok, if you guys trully love each other, this will prove that its love not lust. Most religeous people i know dont have sex for up to sex months...and thats because they get married. I know you got dumped..and it sucks. Maybe she trully had a change of mind about you...always give the person the benefit of the doubt...good luck to you man
samspade Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 If you want to have a healthy relationship with her, why are you letting her dictate the terms? This is a terrible idea!! Does this mean you are dating EXCLUSIVELY without sex? Or casually? Because I would want to know if this means you can have sex outside the relationship. You are in a desperate position, because you want her back, so you are willing to concede sex now for the possibility of having her as a full time girlfriend later. Are you mad? If, for you, dating someone regularly means having a sexual relationship (I recognize some people abstain) then you should not be caving in to this. This is not going to "uncloud" your judgment. Rather, it will completely cloud your judgment, because you will supplicate yourself to her whims and demands hoping that the payoff is sexual. You won't be making rational decisions. If it were me, I'd say either we're back on 100%, or we're not. Withholding sex is a dealbreaker. Leave her now, save your dignity, and spare yourself further heartbreak three months down the road. Find someone who wants you 100%.
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