igotpwnt Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 so i was wondering if anyone could give me some insight as to what i should do? my gf of 8 months- tells me she is confused as to what she wants, and that she has been for awhile althought kept it hidden from me. she suggests we break apart (although she doesnt like calling it that) and just be friends for a while. After about 4 talks she finally opens up and tells me her not being close with her family is the reason she cannot completely be there for me in our relationship. she tells me this then says she feels relieved and much better that i understand. I told her i would do anything to save our relationship and she has recently told me she still has feelings for me, still loves me, yet she wants to be friends for now, because she can't truely be there for someone until she has developed trust and is sure she wont get hurt. - (even though we had trust, when she wasnt being silly). I'm as far as i am concerned the nicest one in the relationship, i did everything a perfect lover could and should do, i spoilt her rotten with love and romance, not just material things. I get the feeling she still likes me as we still hang out, we still celebrate and have the usual laughs and good times we used to. and also the fact that when opening up to me just the other night she hinted that there was still hope for us without saying it. personally i have no-one to turn to as my past best friend (girl) now has a boyfriend and is too concerned to help me... so any help given by you guys would be highly appreciated, thanks in advance.. <3
ahhhchooo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Read some other threads about 'breaks'. I wouldn't hold out too much hope... but don't get too clingy or desperate because nothing good ever comes from it. You're here on LS before too much has gone rotten, read some threads and learn from others' mistakes. Do NOT be a doormat.
Geishawhelk Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 igot, let me put it this way. Simplyt because she is confused and uncertain, is no reason for you to be as well.... She's distancing herself from the relationship, but is being clingy - hence the 'let's just be friends' line. I get the impression she's emotionally gone from here. but she doesn't want to lose out completely. You know, have you on stand-by to lean on, that kind of thing. OK. As opposed to a doormat, how do you feel about becoming a scratching post? If you think that you would be alright with this - and bear in mind that 'I just want us to be friends' also means, 'I can go out and date other guys and form new relationships with them' - then by all means, maintain contact and be there for her when any new relationship she has, goes t*ts up. Because trust me, as her 'friend', you're the one she will turn to for comfort and advice. If you feel currently that this is just not something you can either do, or are prepared to do - then sever all ties, and establish No Contact - and keep to it. Seriously, rigorously, strictly and definitively. (There are a gadgillion threads here from folk who broke NC - and could cheerfully kick themselves from here to hell and back for having done so.....) There. Simple choice.
Author igotpwnt Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 ahhchooo & geishawhelk, both replies were very wise, and i will certainly think hard on what decision to make. So thank you, very much. -------------------------------------------------------------------- i thought i might just add she told me she understands if i have to seperate completely from her now (nc) but she would like me there while she deals with her personal problems / getting her life back on track. as much as i want to i'm not sure i can, and also she said she will understand if she is giving me false hope and i have to leave her. she's always had her own problems, family etc. the problem is she put the healing of her life on hold for us.. i love her for that but i dont think she understands that now shes put us on hold for no reason. and i most likely will walk away. as selfish as that sounds, she's doing the same to me.
Geishawhelk Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 i thought i might just add she told me she understands if i have to seperate completely from her now (nc) but she would like me there while she deals with her personal problems / getting her life back on track. See....?? I rest my case. as much as i want to i'm not sure i can, and also she said she will understand if she is giving me false hope and i have to leave her. I would suggest you take this option, even if you tell her that maybe down the line you'd be happy to get back in touch, but right now, you need to get yourself in order too. she's always had her own problems, family etc. the problem is she put the healing of her life on hold for us.. I can see why she's doing this. because she thinks that whilst she has all these issues, she won't be able to move on and progress to develop a good R. with you..... There's a famous saying: "If you cannot find peace, Serenity and Contentment where you are right now - then where else do you expect to find it?" Or as 'Crowded House' sang - "You'll always take the weather with you." i love her for that but i dont think she understands that now shes put us on hold for no reason. No....She has put you on hold for a reason. It's just the wrong reason. and i most likely will walk away. as selfish as that sounds, she's doing the same to me. Then do so. If that's what she thinks it will take to make her heal, let her try it. But you don't need to whup yourself over this.
Author igotpwnt Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 So I Wrote her a letter It was extremely blunt and right to the point yet still showed i care. she ripped it up, lured me in with our closeness and acted asif everything was fine. -i slept at her house, woke up in the night knowing everything wasnt ok. we're over for now, but it's ok because i recently went out with friends and somehow forgot all about her. -I feel free- As of now i'm having limited contact with her, being completely blunt and right to the point. I am no longer showing her i want to get back together, if and when she comes crying back i'm not going down that road again. She really hurt me and she needs to learn that my trust can't be reclaimed by her realising she's made a mistake. Thank you for your feedback etc, much appreciated. i'll tell you all at a later date how it goes.. <3
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