BKLovesWho Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Okay, here is my situation... I've come to realize that I married on the rebound. I was running from a girl that I was so in love with that it was almost frightening. I ran because in my heart of hearts I knew that she loved me too. The problem was that she was determined to force me into telling that I loved her before I was ready. It was like I was being interrogated and she wanted me to make life altering choices right here and now! Well I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear so she just crossed her arms and sat down hard and pouted; what the hell! So I left the country and got stationed in Korea where I began to self destruct... I met a korean girl and screwed up and she got pregnant. She aborted the child and I was just stunned. I stayed with her because of guilt (Roman Catholic programming); hell I didn't even know if it was mine or not and throughout our 20 plus years of marriage she has never talked about it at all. I find this odd... Well any way the marriage has been going down hill for about 20 plus years. I cheated on her when she was six months pregnant. I think if she wasn't pregnant she would have left and I would have been good with that. She stayed because she really didn't have anywhere to go... Well it's twenty years latter and I find myself yhinking why the hell am I married to this woman? I found out from listening to her talk to her girlfriend that she didn't even finish the sixth grade. She never wanted ne to learn korean but I already knew some of the language and when I heard that I have made it my business to learn more. I has been a real eye opener. She only talks on the phone in korean. I learned that she had an affair with a preacher while we were living in England and I was deploying to the dessert. I also found out that she was going to parties with her girl friends while we were living in Virginia. She got mad at me when I didn't get upset that guys were trying to make passes at her where she was working. I told her she was an adult and that she needed to handle the problem. She chose to go to work she didn't have to work. Just like now she works almost everyday from 8 in the morning and doesn't come home till 8 or 9 at night. I just don't care....... I don't want to be married and I have told her that so many times but she just keeps ignoring me. She isn't affectionate at all. I guess I just ignored her faults. I gave up everything for her my friends, sports, tobacco, body building, all I have is school and work. Our kids are almost grown one 18 and made dependent by his mother and one 17 who can't wait to leave. Once these kids are gone and I've finished my new degree I want to be gone. I told my wife she needs to save her money from work don't spend it. I bought her her own car no more sharing with me. She gave me so much grief when I wanted to buy a spider. I can afford it but you think that the money was coming from her selling her own blood. Well, the topper is that tonight I told her that I would like to cuddle and she gave me the same disgusted look as always plus, she asked me why I wanted to have sex WTH! She asked mr why am I always shaking my head when she says stuff like that, is that just ignorant or what!? Am I wrong to want out? My wife thinks all marraiges should whine down to something lik friends and I am not going to like like that and I told her so. I also told her to stop hanging out and listening to the old divorced korean ladies. I told her they are divoced and didn't get remarried for a reason. Her standard response to my comment is that their husbands were bad. I told her that was BS and that you are only getting one side of the story and in essence that is the splinter in my eye; that every Korean is right and I am not. I told her that was BS too and if she believes that then there is the door don't let it slam you in tha butt on the way out. I just don't have any respect or feelings for her anymore. I need to drop the tolerant nice guy out of my personality for a while and just get the divorce already. Am I mistaken or is she right and I am just living in a fools dream of wanting to give and get love.............
Ronni_W Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 No. Based on what and how you posted, you are not mistaken. You and your wife both need to get a divorce.
jmargel Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I just don't have any respect or feelings for her anymore. Am I mistaken or is she right and I am just living in a fools dream of wanting to give and get love You have to decide what you want.. I just can't believe you would spend 20 years with someone that you depised so much.
moonmosaic Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 It doesn't look like a healthy relationship to me but maybe it looks healthy for your wife, perhaps that's why all of her friends are divorced. Not many american or european cultures would tolerate such a marriage for a long period of time. If I were you I would get a divorce and hope that with the one life you have you'd be able to find out about true happiness before it's too late.
TigerCub Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 You tell her you want out of the marriage and then you're stunned when she doesn't want to cuddle and f**k you? C'mon... I agree that based on what you said divorce seems like the best option and I'm quite surprised that you guys have been together for 20 years, but this whole story isn't one sided and she can't be blamed for all of it.
Angel1111 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 She knows she isn't loved by you, and you don't give a fig about her. This is a woman who had an abortion without a backward glance. What do you think she's truly made of? She knows you don't like or respect her, you don't defend her or show any concern whatsoever, so don't be surprised that she doesn't want to have sex with you. I'd be surprised if she did. There's really no right or wrong here. Your marriage is a joke. Stop waiting on her to make the decision. You don't tell someone you want out of a relationship and then expect them to make the move. If you want out, then get out. It really is that simple. And don't waste your time waiting on the last kid to be out of the house - both of your kids will probably be relieved to see this charade come to an end. I guess maybe you shoulda told the other girl you loved her - since you did anyway. But maybe marrying someone you basically dispise was a much better choice. I don't know....
popey Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I need to drop the tolerant nice guy out of my personality for a while and just get the divorce already. Am I mistaken or is she right and I am just living in a fools dream of wanting to give and get love............. yes, you are mistaken, b/c nothing you have written suggests your problem is being too much of a nice guy. there is so much wrong here, and from your story, doesn't sound like anything was done to try to make it right by either of you. Get out, stay in... but do some soul searching b/c you are two people hurting each other and making excuses.
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