Mayim Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 My boyfriend of one year broke up with me this summer. One day we were in love. The next it was over. He needed space. It's been four months now since that day. He never called again. I was devastated. But four months later I'm not anymore. There were many, many days I thought the pain would end me. Improbably enough, I lived. And even more amazing than that - I laugh. A lot. I now have more good moods than bad ones. I have plans - for tomorrow, next week, next month, next year - that do not involve my ex. That doesn't make me cry anymore. NC was absolutely CRUCIAL for me and I doubt I would be where I am just sixteen weeks later if I hadn't decided very early on that I was not going to let this hurt me ONE SECOND LONGER than it had to. My advice, besides complete and total NC, now that I'm 16 weeks wiser? Pay the pain bill. Endure the agony. There will still be stinging after-ripples sometimes, sure, but once the worst is over, so long as you protect yourself (NC*ahem*NC) you're FREE. It's gonna be agony, either now or later. Do it now and get your life back. I thought my healing was going to take months, a year even. Certainly not a puny 16 weeks. So I'm checking in to see where my fellow summer dumpees are at. How are you feeling? Still pining? Having trouble with NC? Mostly over it? Let me cheer on - or congratulate - my brethren.
i11 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 congratulations I am still in 7th week, devastated, enduring the agony, hope it will soon be over. And I really want a clear mind without thinking about my ex any more. In last LDR, I lost my friends and myself. Now I am picking them up little by little. Maybe 9 more weeks to go....
Ingenue Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I'm about 15.5 weeks in since being dumped and roughly 14 weeks NC with my ex. I'm still not over him yet but doing much better than the initial weeks where I was a complete mess. I imagine it might take a bit more time still as we were together for over 5 years. But, life moves on and so do I (just at my own pace). Mayim, glad to hear that you're feeling much better
Sysyphus28 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 2 weeks 4 days. Still angry about alot. Sometimes I want her to know how horrible she has been. I don't call her though, and I don't email, etc. I am just enduring the pain, trying to make plans, trying to have fun.
Author Mayim Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Chipper as I sound I wouldn't quite say I'm 100% over him - I'm still not quite ready to date again, for example - but I don't wish to die anymore and that's exciting. i11 - It WILL get better. There were days I'd sit at work feeling physically sick from the shock and grief. Lots of them. But you can do this. Sometimes all you can do is wake up, get through the day and go back to sleep. If you go NC, take good care of yourself, and try to make exciting projects out of picking up all those little pieces it will get better sooner than later, I promise. Ingenue - 14 weeks NC is MAJOR. Good for you. SoundTribe - Sorry to hear you're not feeling so great. The first few weeks are like being in one endless surgery with no anesthesia.
Author Mayim Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Sysy - You're doing great. Keep going just like you are and sooner than later you, too, will no longer wish to just evaporate and you'll be glad you did this, especially if she's as horrible as you say. Eff horrible people who don't deserve us anyway.
Billie63 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 it's been 4 months and i'm ok. We couldn't do NC because we had a flat to rent out and cats to organise. But I keep contact to a minimum and if he starts getting too friendly I back off. He was in an emotional affair with someone from work when he finished our relationship. Certain members of his family are unhappy about our split, and dislike her intensely and believe he's still in love with me. I can't bear to tell them that I'm not longer in love with him and would rather be bored and single than bored with him. my life will continue to go on without him and I'm relieved I don't have to wake up to his misreble face anymore.
Author Mayim Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Billie - isn't that funny how that happens? "I'm devastated! I'm distraught! I'm ... kind of glad you're not my problem anymore, actually." LOL. Congrats! Onwards and upwards.
Billie63 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Billie - isn't that funny how that happens? "I'm devastated! I'm distraught! I'm ... kind of glad you're not my problem anymore, actually." LOL. Congrats! Onwards and upwards. LOL! The last 8 months of our relationship he had the face of a permanently slapped arse. I hated being around him. Now apparently he's even more misreble than ever. And I can proudly proclaim "It's not my fault he's misreble!" I had to meet up with him the other week, I was telling him some funny story and he was laughing so much he had tears in his eyes - I thought "you didn't think my jokes were that funny a year ago!"
EmperorR Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 sixteen days nc, some days are good some days are bad. Ls has helped me so much God bless this forum. Althoughi don't know any of you personally it feels good to know that I'm not the only one feeling like crap inside and that there Is light at the end of this tunnel.
Melrapuo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Almost four months into break up, about 2 months since NC. She's with guy#3 now (since she left me for guy#1). I have had slight urges to contact her, but I always stop myself. I still feel crappy. Cry every now and then. But I know it'll be a while before I'm over it. At least I'm moving in the right direction. Dunno what stage I'm in yet. Kinda leaning towards acceptance, but I know I still get angry and very depressed. All part of the grieving process.
ohwhyme Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 5 months since, we cut nc a month ago. She said she misses me and loves me still blah blah blah. I told her what she wanted from me and she couldn't give me a straight answer. When I did NC, i deleted her facebook, blocked her etc and never talked to her again but somehow she had another account i forgot to block. so she always initiates conversations with me but i cant be bothered to talk to her much anymore. dont know what to do and she just cut it with guy #2. i have not cried over it and just sucked it up and built up my anger for the gym works wonders really.
Hersheys Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 2 months NC. Decided to NC him because I was too tired of the same old crap I was getting. I don't have any plans of speaking to him or try to win him over (again). I feel like I've exhausted all my efforts and patience and there is nothing left for me to do.
ioncebelieved Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I'll bite even though I was not exactly dumped. More of a mutual thing, but I was tired of the games, lies, scraps and deception for a while and since the first of this new year I was trying to pull away. I was injured while working on an ambulance early part of June, and during that time I broke NC and tried hanging on because I felt I needed her. Been out of work every since and had neck surgery in May. My ex was less than I expected during my time of need and I finally decided to end it all with her. It was NOT for my trying as I loved and still love her with everything in me, but LOVE has to true even in our time of need. I am still coping as this whole ordeal along with my injury and other things has taken a huge toll on me. Not only was my neck jacked up, I was carrying a broken heart all year long that came to fruition when I had surgery. Whoever says it takes time sure was NOT joking!! Still not over it and it may take quite a while before that happens!
Author Mayim Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 I feel sad and angry for all of you who are feeling sad and angry. But this is what LS is for, is it not? Reading all of your stories helped me immensely when I could barely breathe from the pain.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I feel sad and angry for all of you who are feeling sad and angry. But this is what LS is for, is it not? Reading all of your stories helped me immensely when I could barely breathe from the pain.[/quote This forum has helped me in more ways than one. I have gained courage and confidence from other peoples tales of woe. I feel like this pain is truly universal and I'm not alone in my room with a bunch of mix cds and letters. I have been able to initiate NC and keep it! She even called last weekend and I IGNORED the call! I couldn't believe I did that. It felt awesome. I was sad as hell cause I miss her and wanted to talk to her, but then i remember what she did to me. How she made me feel. How she lied and took me for granted. How she slept with another guy and kept me on the back burner ALL summer. What should I have done, answered the call?
Billie63 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I feel sad and angry for all of you who are feeling sad and angry. But this is what LS is for, is it not? Reading all of your stories helped me immensely when I could barely breathe from the pain.[/quote This forum has helped me in more ways than one. I have gained courage and confidence from other peoples tales of woe. I feel like this pain is truly universal and I'm not alone in my room with a bunch of mix cds and letters. I have been able to initiate NC and keep it! She even called last weekend and I IGNORED the call! I couldn't believe I did that. It felt awesome. I was sad as hell cause I miss her and wanted to talk to her, but then i remember what she did to me. How she made me feel. How she lied and took me for granted. How she slept with another guy and kept me on the back burner ALL summer. What should I have done, answered the call? I really admire your strength in not answering her call. I can't say if you should have answered it - that's for you to decide. I know I'd have found it hard to do what you did. But these ex's of ours are only human beings you know - I think when we split up they become almost mythical in our minds. And they're not. Their lives go on much as it always did. Any idea why she rang?
Sysyphus28 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I don't know why she called. I don't have anything of hers. Thier is a joint cc that has 300 bucks left to pay, but that isbeing paid on time. She is going home next week to F her new man...so.....it is finals week and she may be stressed......... ** She feels horrible about the immature and piss poor way she has treated a man she used to "love", she wants to make ammends and commit to me 100 percent!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAH........................ I don't know why she didn't leave a message.
EmperorR Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I feel sad and angry for all of you who are feeling sad and angry. But this is what LS is for, is it not? Reading all of your stories helped me immensely when I could barely breathe from the pain. I agree without ls I have no idea where I would be. I felt do alone. Like I was the only one in the world feeling like this. Even though I don't know anyone personally etc. It helps just reading and talking to people who are in the same shoes and dealing with the same stff you are.
Billie63 Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 I agree without ls I have no idea where I would be. I felt do alone. Like I was the only one in the world feeling like this. Even though I don't know anyone personally etc. It helps just reading and talking to people who are in the same shoes and dealing with the same stff you are. I agree with you. I too felt so alone. And I was in total shock having moved out of our home and everything changing in such a short space of time. I really thought I was going to feel like that for at least 6 months. But LS helped me face up to things so much quicker. It was right that we split up, I have no desire to get back with him.
sedgwick Posted October 15, 2008 Posted October 15, 2008 I was dumped in July '07, does that count? I haven't stopped thinking about him for one second of the past 15 months. I love him every bit as much as I did the minute he walked out the door. He, of course, wants nothing to do with me. I wouldn't say I'm still "devastated," but I'm still very, very much in love with him, and haven't even looked at anybody else. I feel like my life is split into before him and after him...I now live with this sadness in spite of which I have to keep going. It doesn't feel like it will ever end. It's been complete NC for about a year now, except for one night when he called out of the blue and I told him I loved him always but couldn't be friends with him. The conversation lasted less than five minutes and of course I never heard from him again.
ate_the_paint Posted October 21, 2008 Posted October 21, 2008 I hit the six-month mark yesterday and was in a pretty melancholic mood. I can't say it's been all bad. In fact, it's been quite an emotional rollercoaster, to use the cliche. For the first couple of months I was a devestated mess. I couldn't even tell you if I had feet attached to my legs then! But then I seemed to bounce back and by the third month I was doing everything I could to have fun and forget the past etc. etc. Dated a couple of new girls, partied, worked hard, and all that jazz. Strange, but that wasn't really the type of person I am so I was really just covering up the loss. Then things kind of petered out and I was stuck in a sort of limbo for a month or so, not sure what I wanted to do or even who I was. Perhaps, because my identity for six years had been as one-half of a couple, I've been trying to figure out my new identity as one full single. I don't know. All I know is that now in the sixth month I'm feeling pretty sad. Not the devestating turmoil of the first few months; I can still go to work and hang out and have beer with my buddies. Instead it's more of a self-pity, and I find myself reflecting back on all the stages of my life and saying things to myself like "end of a chapter" etc. So, I don't know if that's all normal or what, but some other posters mentioned LS as having helped them immensely and I have to agree. This forum is great!
Billie63 Posted October 22, 2008 Posted October 22, 2008 I'm going thru a very angry stage right now - I actually feel those 6 years with him were a total waste of my life. I'm not normally that kind of a person - very rarely do I have regrets, but I do regret those six years I'll never get back. In my heart I know I'm wrong and that we loved each other and had such wonderful times. But I'm 45 and feel like I never want another relationship ever = and I really do mean it. I had to email him on Monday over a bank account - I've been asking him for the last five years to put the account in both our names (it's currently only in his) as this is where our mortgage comes out of. If anything were to happen to him I could not access that account. I wrote: [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][FONT=Arial]please email me back straight away and let me know that you are putting my name on the bank account. It’s ridiculous that I’ve been asking you for five years to add my name to that account and I’m still waiting. Why should I put 175 a month into an account that I have no access to? I have put 175 in for October but I will not be making any further payments until my name is on the account. If I have to do that to get you working on this then so be it, if we get into arrears and they repossess us so be it. I really don’t care anymore.[/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT] I resent the fact that we still own a property and have a 40k loan (in both our names but the loan was for his debts). i just want him out of my life totally. I've got his family still contacting me slagging off his new girl (the girl he left me for), his sister thinks we'll still get back together. I dont' have the heart to tell her, "No, I don't love your brother, I dont' even like him very much."
Recommended Posts