agate Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. Is that because most OP's are usually miserable or don't come here unless they are? I am very happily in love with a mm and hope things won't change anytime soon. Am I unusual or do the happy people just not come here?
norajane Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Loveshack is mostly a relationship advice board. So most people come across LS when they are seeking advice, which, presumably, a person unhappy with their situation would need more than someone who is happy in their relationship.
KismetGirl Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. Is that because most OP's are usually miserable or don't come here unless they are? I am very happily in love with a mm and hope things won't change anytime soon. Am I unusual or do the happy people just not come here? most people who seek advice do so because they are unhappy with the way something is going. Who needs advice when there is nothing to be fixed ? :-) I am very in love with an MM, but I don't see this becoming "happily in love with" as long as he goes home to his W every night while i sleep alone wishing he was with me. Just how it is. Im sure there are happy OPs, and there are some on this board that don't necessarily begin their own threads, but they do comment on other people's threads. GreenEyedLady is one, for instance, she's happy with her MM and they even live together. Other simliar situations have been described. But no, most people that come here are unhappy for whatever reason, that is why they come, to get advice. People who are happy with their situation tend to just enjoy it, or comment on other people's threads to help with advice , for the most part. Or at least it would seem.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. Is that because most OP's are usually miserable or don't come here unless they are? I am very happily in love with a mm and hope things won't change anytime soon. Am I unusual or do the happy people just not come here? It waxes and wanes. When I first started coming here, there were HOW and there were OW who loved their MM but were not content with the situation. The majority of the forum was not miserable. Reflective and realistic, but not miserable. They made choices and took responsibility for them. They were as pointed in their questioning of BS's as the BS were in questioning them. The current trend in the OW that post on LS are those that are wanting out. But that wasn't always the case. And mostly I think that is because they are not content with the way things are, and who can blame them?
Author agate Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Ok, i see. i guess I kind of expected it to also include people who are in similar situations getting together to gain support for dealing with other people's issues with our situations or choices. The only hard part i have come across as an OW so far is dealing with other people's judgements of my R. Does that make sense?
Angel1111 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I hated being the OW and I was totally insulted that MM didn't make a choice to be with me early into our relationship. I knew him prior to our affair but we didn't talk or see one another very much at all. I knew him more by reputation and his reputation was flawless. So he took me by surprise and I thought that if a man like that wanted to be with me, he was already going to leave his wife. But it didn't happen that way. It was obvious we were in love within a few months and it was then that he should've made the choice to be with me because once too much time passed, it eroded our relationship, and my trust in him. After awhile, it seemed that he was just another guy who just wanted to cheat on his wife. It took away the magic we once shared. I think the statistics for happiness are higher, though, than the numbers suggest for affairs. I just think that the happy ones don't reach out for help, and they probably don't tell people about their affair.
KismetGirl Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Ok, i see. i guess I kind of expected it to also include people who are in similar situations getting together to gain support for dealing with other people's issues with our situations or choices. The only hard part i have come across as an OW so far is dealing with other people's judgements of my R. Does that make sense? Oh there is that as well, but you have to also understand that there will be people that find their way on here to berate, offer their views on morality, and tell you you are wrong wrong wrong. There are people that have been very hurt by someone that cheated on them and its understandable that they need someone to vent their frustrations on, but that's life. You take the good and the bad when you are in a public forum. It does give some insight as to how hurtful an A really can be to some people. Anyone who says an A is simple is generalizing.....sometimes its just a sex thing and thats that, but I think often its much more complex. We (OW's) are often assumed to be coniving, seductive temptresses with no consideration for the poor, betrayed BS or children when often that isn't the case at all. Other people's judgements of your R are irrelevent. They don't live your life, you do. You come to a place like this to get views from different people, but at the end of the day, if you are happy, what do you care what others think? The'll get over it. As far as Im concerned the only people who ever have a say in an A are the MM, the OW and the BS when they eventually find out,w hich Im inclined to believe that they eventually always do. What happens is up to these three people in the end, in one way or another. If your friends or family disagree with you, thats their problem. If they love you they will support you in the end. My mom knows about my A. She knows I feel strongly about him and understands its not easy to just say good bye. She doesn't agree with it and thinks his place is to stay with his family, but she doesn't think badly of me. Life is life.
Author agate Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 I knew that by posting here there is a good possibility that others will feel the need to share their beliefs, morality, and judgements with me and possibly show me the error of my way, and i accept the fact that that is their right to do so. My family doesn't know about the MM but i don't share my romantic life with them anyway. my best friend is supportive, completely, but another friend is now shunning me. that is her right, although it did bother me at first. it comes with my Decision.
NewSunrise Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I knew that by posting here there is a good possibility that others will feel the need to share their beliefs, morality, and judgements with me and possibly show me the error of my way, and i accept the fact that that is their right to do so. My family doesn't know about the MM but i don't share my romantic life with them anyway. my best friend is supportive, completely, but another friend is now shunning me. that is her right, although it did bother me at first. it comes with my Decision. You are absolutely correct. Everything we do in life is our decision alone to make. And boy, life is full of it. We all make good and bad decisions. We make short and long term decisions. Some quick decisions, while some we spend time mulling over it. There are decisions that we shouldn't make, but we do it anyway. Sometimes, the simplest decision is the best decision. But too often, we don't make them. But the hardest decision to make comes from the heart. And when we get ourselves into this type of decision making, we often compromise. Life has a way of guiding us the way to making what seems to be the right decision. It's innately instinctive in humans. It's called "gut feeling", but often ignored. Only time will tell if we've made the "right" decision. And when that time comes, we again have to decide to either learn from it or turn the other way. Good luck with this decision.
OWoman Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. Is that because most OP's are usually miserable or don't come here unless they are? I am very happily in love with a mm and hope things won't change anytime soon. Am I unusual or do the happy people just not come here? I am happy. I was happy as the OW and I am happy how that my MM and I are together full-time. As a serial OW, it was the R type I chose, and it was what I wanted. If that was not the case, I would not have chosen to be in As. I would not have remained in an A - or any other kind of R - if I was not happy. That is why I left my M. I don't do masochism. Some OWs are unhappy because they feel powerless. Others are happy, but are beaten down by the name-calling and judgmental attitudes of others here until they feel unhappy. Others are unhappy because of other aspects of their lives. But not all of us are unhappy. And not all of us give a toss if some anonymous person behind a keyboard on the other side of the world thinks they're the spawn of satan because they're an OW. In fact, with those kinds of people, I'm usually happy that they think I'm evil, because it shows that they recognise that we are not the same. I'm glad you're happy, agate. There''s no point in being in a R that makes you unhappy. Unless being unhappy is what makes you happy?
raspberries Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I was unbelievably happy when I was with my MM. But still found it overwhelming sometimes, so seeking bothers in the same situation was nice. I never actually joined as a member until our relationship was cut off, and I desperately needed support and advice from people who had dealt with something similar.
Lizzie60 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. Is that because most OP's are usually miserable or don't come here unless they are? I am very happily in love with a mm and hope things won't change anytime soon. Am I unusual or do the happy people just not come here? I'm one of those happy OW... there are quite a few actually...
Meaplus3 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I happen to find LS.. while in the midst of an EA with a mm. At the time I really needed advice. My affair with xmm has been over for a long while and I am now in a much better place in my life. I have stuck around because LS has some many things to offer. So..I'm now happy but still here. AP:)
grogster Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 People at the peak of an affair usually don't come here. They're too busy having hot affair sex while in that hormonal haze. It's only when things start to go south--discovery, the MM won't leave the BS, the MM starts losing interest, intense guilt encroaches--that people start posting. All in good time.
Author agate Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 I am glad to see that some people here are happy and content. I am very happy with my decisions at this point, I don't WANT my mm to leave his wife at any point in the near future as i believe it would be in his and his familie's best interest if he does not. I have read all kinds of negative feedback on this forum from people who seem to come here only to share their views on morality and that is their right to do so. It is also my right to disregard their opinions. I know the risks.
Lizzie60 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am glad to see that some people here are happy and content. I am very happy with my decisions at this point, I don't WANT my mm to leave his wife at any point in the near future as i believe it would be in his and his familie's best interest if he does not. I have read all kinds of negative feedback on this forum from people who seem to come here only to share their views on morality and that is their right to do so. It is also my right to disregard their opinions. I know the risks. Same here.. I don't want any man full time.. too much work.. lol
Owl Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Are Affairs never a positive thing? It depends on who you ask. It MIGHT be a positive thing to you...it MIGHT be for him. It probably never be one for his wife and family. WHAT specifically would make it a positive thing for you? Remaining as an active affair? Him leaving his wife for you? "Positive" depends on what your goals are in this. And of course, your perspective in the 'love triangle'.
marlena Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Same here.. I don't want any man full time.. too much work.. lol I'll say!! However did I do it for fifteen years?
loveORlogic Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. Is that because most OP's are usually miserable or don't come here unless they are? I am very happily in love with a mm and hope things won't change anytime soon. Am I unusual or do the happy people just not come here? I havent read the other posts and i am only replying to your question. IMHO affairs are never positive, because; From Wikipedia; An affair may refer to a form of nonmonogamy, to infidelity or to adultery
Author agate Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 Um... i know the definition of an A but that still doesn't say weather the A is a positive thing for at least some people involved, or that it can't have a positive outcome. So far, this has all been very positive for myself and my mm and probably indirectly for the w because her h is a much happier and content man in all aspects right now. I know many people will say that it is in no way positive for the W Even if she never finds out but the old saying ignorance is bliss sometimes IS true.
silktricks Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I know many people will say that it is in no way positive for the W Even if she never finds out but the old saying ignorance is bliss sometimes IS true. If you don't want to get blasted - I wouldn't go there if I were you. Just sayin'
Die Hard Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 Um... i know the definition of an A but that still doesn't say whether(fixed) the A is a positive thing for at least some people involved, or that it can't have a positive outcome.you act like you're telling us things we don't already know. an affair can work out. no kidding. there are folks here that have been members for YEARS and post about their successful affairs. lizzie, GEL and OW just to name a couple right off the top. I am new here but have been reading posts for a bit and it seems that people only come here when they are miserable. if this is true, then why are you here?
jwi71 Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I have never known of an affair that was positive. Admittedly, my sample is two of which one would most certainly not count (I am a BS - I promise that was a tragedy for all involved and for others who were not). The one affair to which I was not a "party" was miserable for him. He constantly worried he would be caught. I am no longer in contact with that friend but I do know he suffered during it. My vote is no. Affairs are not positive.
Author agate Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 I'm here because i want to learn more and try to see things from Another perspective. I actually wasn't trying to tell anybody anything, i was asking. Asking if i was the exception or if happiness is more common than i'd heard. I didn't intend to step on anybody's toes, just asking for other perspectives. I am here because i don't want to be blind, i want all the information i can get. Perhaps i was looking for a little acceptance...luckily i have found a bit of that along with the negativity.
Die Hard Posted October 10, 2008 Posted October 10, 2008 I didn't intend to step on anybody's toes well you did. right on pinky toe. okay, i'll answer your question as best i can: i can't say every single affair is not positive ...it's not my place. but i can say that not every affair is a positive thing. you gotta do what you gotta do.
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