Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Wow, anyway I just came back from an amazing date with this stunning tall girl...even the waiter couldn't help staring. She wasn't what I expected at all, she was very smart and intellectual. She asked me many questions also, it almost felt uncomfortable because I'm not used to talking about myself rather the girl doing the talking. And she seemed fascinated in a lot of what I had to say. She also followed my actions, ordering the same as me. When we left she even offered to pay her half. But I covered the tab. Before the coffee date ended, I suggested a specific activity this coming weekend (something we both like doing actually)...it's nothing date like, more like hanging out. She didn't really say yes or no. And when we parted she took her hand out to shake mine. I said I'd check with her in a couple of days to see if she would still be up for that weekend activity. I'm feeling quite confident about this..but somehow I feel like I came on a little too strong at the end. What do you guys think?
pretty professional Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 1st mistake: Not making it a real date, just a "hanging out" activity. Make your intentions clear that you're interested. 2nd: She would have been more enthusiastic if she really wanted to see you again, but even if she was interested, at the point you suggested a nondate "hanging out" activity, she was probably really turned off. I'm sorry, bud.
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 1st mistake: Not making it a real date, just a "hanging out" activity. Make your intentions clear that you're interested. 2nd: She would have been more enthusiastic if she really wanted to see you again, but even if she was interested, at the point you suggested a nondate "hanging out" activity, she was probably really turned off. I'm sorry, bud. Oh well. She's new to the city, so I'm not surprised if she's meeting up with other dudes that responded to her ad. Seriously..if that is the case, I'm totally bummed cause she's a total stunner.
pretty professional Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Next time make sure you make your intentions clear that it's a date and not a hangout. You risk rejection, but it's a big turnoff for women to get asked to "hang out."
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Next time make sure you make your intentions clear that it's a date and not a hangout. You risk rejection, but it's a big turnoff for women to get asked to "hang out." Yeah I know..but. I don't want to scare her off by being 'too forward'. Afterall she's new to the area anyway. And besides if a girl is really interested in a guy, wouldn't she be ok with taking things slow and letting it develop?
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Next time make sure you make your intentions clear that it's a date and not a hangout. You risk rejection, but it's a big turnoff for women to get asked to "hang out." Also if that IS the case. Is there anything I can do to fix it, like call her up and suggest dinner/lunch instead?
D-Lish Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 No matter what activity you suggested- I'd assume after a first date that suggesting spending time together again would be a "date". Two people doing something together, engaging in whatever activity would sound to me like you were asking me out again. What did you suggest doing? I would be more let down that she didn't say yes or no. If it were me- I'd say either "yes" if I wanted to see them again, or "nothing" if I didn't want to but didn't want to hurt someone's feelings by rejecting them. I had a great date with a guy and really felt we had chemistry- he suggested getting together again and even e-mailed me as soon as he got home that night to ask what I thought of him. However- another date did not happen out of that for whatever reason. Your answer will come when you call her and ask her out again. She either won't return the call, or politely decline.
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 No matter what activity you suggested- I'd assume after a first date that suggesting spending time together again would be a "date". Two people doing something together, engaging in whatever activity would sound to me like you were asking me out again. What did you suggest doing? I would be more let down that she didn't say yes or no. If it were me- I'd say either "yes" if I wanted to see them again, or "nothing" if I didn't want to but didn't want to hurt someone's feelings by rejecting them. I had a great date with a guy and really felt we had chemistry- he suggested getting together again and even e-mailed me as soon as he got home that night to ask what I thought of him. However- another date did not happen out of that for whatever reason. Your answer will come when you call her and ask her out again. She either won't return the call, or politely decline. Well we both live relatively close to a big park. She likes to jog and I like to bike, we both like doing that in that park. So I suggested of doing that together this weekend. I thought it was a bit creative considering the fact that she doesn't have a lot of interests, and it would a good time to spend together without the pressures of sitting face to face by the dinner table which I find to be a tad boring actually. D-lish, did the date not happen because he didn't follow up to set up plans, or because he was too eager of asking you what you thought of him?
pretty professional Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I like to jog and I mentioned that to a blind setup my coworker had given my phone number to (with my permission.) He said "Let's go jogging tomorrow." That was a big turnoff because I don't that on the first date because that is too cozy, I don't want him to see me in my sweats, etc. So I ended up standing him up. Maybe her jogging time is her "alone" time, so yes, I would suggest lunch or dinner instead, possibly a movie.
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 I like to jog and I mentioned that to a blind setup my coworker had given my phone number to (with my permission.) He said "Let's go jogging tomorrow." That was a big turnoff because I don't that on the first date because that is too cozy, I don't want him to see me in my sweats, etc. So I ended up standing him up. Maybe her jogging time is her "alone" time, so yes, I would suggest lunch or dinner instead, possibly a movie. Well your situation is different, that's a first date. By suggesting jogging with you he broke into your comfort zone. I've built rapport with her already on the coffee date..wouldn't that account for something? Yeah you're right, it could be her alone time..then again I don't really know. Hm..well we live pretty close to a museum, we could do that. I just need to hear more opinions before I do anything rash...
Tomcat33 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I'm feeling quite confident about this..but somehow I feel like I came on a little too strong at the end. What do you guys think? Look the only time you should worry about coming on strong is if you are doing it sexually especially too soon or if you are reading her vibe and pushing for something and she is showing you she is not that into you. Asking her out on a second date is not too strong don't second guess that women love men that are forward and who plan ahead for more (if they are interested). I don't know what this activity is but if it is something casual like a hobbie or sport she may have interpreted it as you being just interested in "friends". Hand shake at the end of the date??? that's odd.
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Look the only time you should worry about coming on strong is if you are doing it sexually especially too soon or if you are reading her vibe and pushing for something and she is showing you she is not that into you. Asking her out on a second date is not too strong don't second guess that women love men that are forward and who plan ahead for more (if they are interested). I don't know what this activity is but if it is something casual like a hobbie or sport she may have interpreted it as you being just interested in "friends". Hand shake at the end of the date??? that's odd. Well when I met her we shook hands, and when we parted we shook again. She is the intellectual type, and it doesn't really seem like she has much experience when it comes to dating/socializing. The majority of the time she let me take the lead from the conversations to ordering. Honestly I don't think there's anything I did wrong, I was as genuine and confident as could be. I think when I contact her I'll mention I had a good time, that I'd like to see her again and ask if she's up for the activity or if not we could grab lunch together...hopefully that should set things straight.
D-Lish Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Well we both live relatively close to a big park. She likes to jog and I like to bike, we both like doing that in that park. So I suggested of doing that together this weekend. I thought it was a bit creative considering the fact that she doesn't have a lot of interests, and it would a good time to spend together without the pressures of sitting face to face by the dinner table which I find to be a tad boring actually. D-lish, did the date not happen because he didn't follow up to set up plans, or because he was too eager of asking you what you thought of him? I don't think you did anything wrong at all. I have shaken a guys hand at the end of a date. A lot of it is out of nervousness- do you hug, or just say good bye and walk away- kissing isn't something I do on a first date... so i have done the handshake with guys I like. But I was also in business for a long time- so the handshake was second nature to me... Meeting in the park is a date activity, and nothing wrong with suggesting that. If she didn't want to do that she could suggest lunch or just a walk in the park. It's no biggie!! You didn't push too hard. I like it when a guy wants to set something up right away- it lets me know he's interested. I don't know why me and the guy didn't hook up again. He suggested dinner when we parted- then sent the message about what I thought- and I said I had fun and dinner sounded good. We exchanged a few more emails and it fizzled out. I did see him not so long ago with a girl in the dog park- so I assume he may have been multiple dating and might have settled in with the girl he was with. I think it's good if you follow up with the call as you said you would- and maybe ask if she wants to meet for lunch or something. You have nothing to lose- and you'll get your answer.
Author Mydish1 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 I don't think you did anything wrong at all. I have shaken a guys hand at the end of a date. A lot of it is out of nervousness- do you hug, or just say good bye and walk away- kissing isn't something I do on a first date... so i have done the handshake with guys I like. But I was also in business for a long time- so the handshake was second nature to me... Meeting in the park is a date activity, and nothing wrong with suggesting that. If she didn't want to do that she could suggest lunch or just a walk in the park. It's no biggie!! You didn't push too hard. I like it when a guy wants to set something up right away- it lets me know he's interested. I don't know why me and the guy didn't hook up again. He suggested dinner when we parted- then sent the message about what I thought- and I said I had fun and dinner sounded good. We exchanged a few more emails and it fizzled out. I did see him not so long ago with a girl in the dog park- so I assume he may have been multiple dating and might have settled in with the girl he was with. I think it's good if you follow up with the call as you said you would- and maybe ask if she wants to meet for lunch or something. You have nothing to lose- and you'll get your answer. Thanks for that post D-lish, it's quite reassuring. Yeah I figured that she was nervous or something..when we were waiting for the tab she got quiet on me (then I broke the silence when I suggested date #2). But it's also a bad thing too if she has poor self-esteem and doesn't believe I'm really interested in her. It's been awhile since I've dated, so I'm a little rusty. And I do recall setting up a 2nd date during a first date with other girls in the past and having it work out. Well if she's the nervous type, would you recommend I e-mail, text, or call her to follow up? So far our means of contact has been e-mail.
Isolde Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Hard to tell if shes interested but I have done the handshake before too and yes I often question if the guy is interested so even if he asks me to hang out again I sometimes dont believe he actually wants to.
Author Mydish1 Posted October 10, 2008 Author Posted October 10, 2008 Hard to tell if shes interested but I have done the handshake before too and yes I often question if the guy is interested so even if he asks me to hang out again I sometimes dont believe he actually wants to. Well would it change your mind if he actually followed up with a phone call? Anyway I told her I had a good time today through sms. Apparently she replied back saying she was free the next day and asked if I 'still wanted to see the movie'. I was a little dumbfounded by the use of words because we never discussed movies at all that night, but I agreed yes to the movie. I'm supposed to meet up with her for the movie. But I really don't know if she knows it's me she's talking to or if she thinks I'm some other guy she's seeing and mistaken me for...this is all so weird. I feel good about it that I'll see her again. However I'll also be completely crushed if she expected someone else to show up...
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