robaday Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Hi all, I've read some really helpful threads and I guess what I want to know, is at what stage does an ex appear to be obsessive? Now the fact I'm posting this probably indicates that I am slightly, but I'd just like a general feel for how dumpers feel when the ex keeps contacting them. My ex girlfriend broke up with me a 5 weeks ago or so. I was crazily in love with her, but she said we should just be friends, I argued that that would be impossible. Drunk I had a massive row with her, and I hate to admit it insulted her pretty bad. Then followed an angry exchange of texts, during the night. The next morning I sent another 3 texts to no response. Basically I knew I'd acted like an ******* and wanted to at least hear her side when sober. So I phoned her, The call ended in an argument with her shouting move on. I sent a few lovesick texts during the following two weeks. She'd dumped me previously 6 months before, and by keeping in touch with her, rather than NC I managed to get her back-this is why I didn't go straight into NC I received one from her 1 week later saying no hard feelings, which I replied to. Then 2 weeks ago I sent one apologizing for the row. I deleted her from Facebook the night she finished it, but then re-added her as a friend, which suprisingly:) she hasn't rejected or accepted- I know it is very embarrassing and she probably thinks I'm a stalker. We went through a lot together last year, so she means a lot to me regardless of our "STATUS" Is this crazy behavior? I'm now on day 11 of NC and am determined not to contact her, as much as I'd like to. Any perspective appreciated, a woman's more so
lofi_tokyo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I've only ever been dumped by boys - or more specifically, broke up with boys because they were basically ready to dump me but didn't have the will power to do so. So I can't speak personally from the position of the dumpee. That being said, two of my best female friends have dumped men who were very important to them and.... Continual contact, including defriending then refriending them on Facebook has had a very negative impact. How? Because the dumpee probably feels terrible about what happened - they loved you at some point, even if they don't anymore, they still feel terrible hurting you. That does not mean talking to them makes them desire to have you back, in fact, it may be making them very uncomfortable. These kinds of actions need to stop I think. She probably added you back because, despite all, shes a nice girl in that she does not want to create more drama then there already is, or anymore hurt. But... if you keep doing these kinds of things, she WILL lose patience, and possibly even be turned off by you entirely. In both cases with my friends, they tried to be gracious and respectful of their ex's at first, but their ex's bizzare behavior eventually pushed them to the point of complete and total shut down on caring about their ex's. Then, their ex's became upset that they were cut out entirely... and things escalated. Don't let that happen to you! 11 days of NC is good! Keep going strong. Your behavior, to be honest, probably has not been the best, but hell, mine with my ex wasn't great either at first... but you need to stop entirely before its too late and your ex goes from not talking because you're an ex, to not talking to you because they find you repulsive as a person. Sorry if this is too long or too harsh ;p
moby Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I went through what I think is a similar phase in the summer with my ex where I would call him and get mad at him and then the next day want to call back and explain why I had acted that way and then I would delete him on facebook and then re-add him. Sometime he would call me and then I would think it was okay to talk everyday like we use to so I would call him or text him and sometimes he would reply and other times he would ignored them which made me so angry and upset. I guess I finally got to the point where I realized if he wanted to talk to me he would and I can't nor do I want to pester him into another relationship with me. I haven't contacted him in a month now and honestly it has probably been the best thing for me and I feel like I have some control over the situation between me and him now. I know it's hard but you should stop now before you go too far and start feeling low about yourself. If she wants to talk she will call you and my bet is that if you don't contact her she will come around and call you eventually. Keep up the hard work with the no contact!
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