jadebear Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Things were great at first. We met at work so we saw each other almost everyday. After work I would go home(lived with my parents) and he would go to aikido which is a type of martial arts. He went monday-friday for 2 horus or more a night after work. I will admit this bothered me, but i tried to push it away. When he left aikido he would come over, or we would go out for an hour then that was it. The same thing the next day. The weekends were our time together, unless we were working. We moved in together for 3 months then he decided he wa going back to college so he moved me and him and our 2 dogs into his parents house. Might I add that I am a major dog lover...and his parents HATE dogs in the house, so they made a pen/cage thing outside for them to stay in. I HATE it, but my boyfriend will not listen, he sees nothign wrong with them living outside. Me on the other hand,believes that you shouldn't have a dog if it stays outside, and i want my dogs to be friendly and social not hyper and caged up. That is the first problem. The second problem is that while he is in college everyday, I am working. He works only on sat and sunday. When I come home from work, we eat, talk for 5 minutes and then he does his homework untill he goes to aikido. He comes home from aikido after 10 everynight, and he showers and then does homework. I see his family more then i see him and i hate it. I feel a tad uncomfortable living here in this house, and pissed about the dogs. and on top of that, he is never home, and when he is home he is either sleeping or doing homework. I have expressed how I feel about him leaving no time for us, and he has no intentions of trying to fix it. If he thinks that I am hinting towards his quitting martial arts he gets defensive and tells me not to make him choose because I won't like the decisions. Is it wrong that I feel left out of his life now? Am i being too needy. I understand that homework is important, but too me this is his priorities 1: Aikido 2: Homework 3: me I feel that his homeowkr should be more importnat that martial arts...and i just wish that he made more time for us...no matter how many times I tell him that sleeping and working does not count as spending time together, nor does siting in the same room while he does homework he doesn't get it. What should I do? Who is in the wrong here me or him? Any suggestions on to how I can make him understand?
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 He should cut it down to 3 times a week, that's a compromise. Living with his parents isn't helping either, because you two don't get alone time.. And also the dog issue is a problem. Anyway, if you think he's going to choose his Aikido over you, then maybe it's time to re-think the relationship, or change it up abit - like you move out and not live together. Maybe moving into his parents place wasn't such a good idea.
Author jadebear Posted October 14, 2008 Author Posted October 14, 2008 For a while he had cut it down to Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. Just recently he brought up his view on it, and decided that he should start to go on tuesday and thursday as well for an hour each night. I also felt that I should add that he is paying 400 every 3 months for aikido. He felt that we had to move into his parents house because during school he could not afford to pay rent. Living with his parents gets to me everyday. There has been so many nights where I have cried myself to sleep because I just feel so alone here. I don't know if I mentioned that my family doesn't live anywhere near me, so moving in with someone else isn't really an option, and I could not afford it on my own. Moving into his parents house was definately not a good idea, especially after having lived on our own together and having that sort of privacy. We can't even have an argument or discussion about anything without everyone knowing. I feel like this relationship took a huge step backwards when we moved in here. I am truly stuck as to what I should be doing. There has been times during arguments, where I have said that I think I should leave, but everytime I am begged to stay. I just don't know anymore. I used to casually bring up the topic of us moving out again, but he would say that it is not an option and if I don't like it to move. I am just geting very frustrated with the situation and the way he changes his feeling and answers towards me. ** He also told me the other night that after he finishes college, he wants to go to University for 2 more years to finish a degree in his program,...He doesn't plan to move out for another 5 YEARS!!!!
Ruby Slippers Posted October 14, 2008 Posted October 14, 2008 OK, he was heavy into the aikido when you met, right? And now you want to change that. I don't think you should try, and it's obviously not going to happen. Wanting time with your guy is normal, and time together is important. He isn't willing to make more time for you -- he's been clear on that. The priority list you laid out sounds accurate. If it were me, I'd move on. Your only alternative is to suffer the situation as it is, being neglected by someone who puts everything else in his life above you. Sounds like you'll be happier in your own place where your dogs can be inside, anyway.
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