Mylife Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Yup another one of those in LDR. But this time its him...not me. So he gets sad and worried at times about things. He says its bad "relationship etiquette" to look at other guys in public and think they are hot. I don't do that on a regular basis or anything, and even if I do, I just look and brush it off and never think about that random person ever again. But he claims he absolutely never ever does that to any other girl and says that it is very very wrong to do that in a relationship. Now he is one of those super sweet guys, treats me like a princess and cute mushy types. At the same time, he is serious when he should be and very loving when I miss him. I really love all that about him, just don't know why he is so insecure. He has had some sad relationships where girls have left him because of his looks or led him on and stuff, but none have cheated. He claims none of them ever looked at any guys. I think they just didn't tell him that they did. So I do that too now, if I ever see a cute guy, I just look and forget and he never knows about it. I don't know how right that is, but I would never in a million years cheat on him or do anything further than give a quick glance to any other guy. But do you think its insecurity on his part or is that just his personality? You think it will pass? We live about 5 hours away driving and its been about 6 months in our relationship. LDR from the start.
Lizzie60 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 I think you should just look subtly and not say anything.. I think it's very immature and disrespectful to comment about another hot guy when you're with him. It feeds his insecurities.. maybe you like that but I can assure you that he doesn't.. and you can eventually lose him if you don't cut your 'high school' habit. I suffered from jealousy when I was much younger.. when I started dating my second ex.. he was hot and 12 years younger.. he looooved to look and even starred at other women.. I find it very 'idiotic' of him to do that when I was around.. so I told him that I would never ever suffered from jealousy anymore.. so if he wanted to look at other women.. the way he was looking at them.. I would be out of there... really fast... He stopped.. he better.. or I would have been out of there.. I think he was doing it on purpose because he liked the fact that he was getting me jealous.. I thought that was very immature and stupid..
Author Mylife Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 I never do it when I am with him...and I dont stare and smile and the guys I look at either. I just look and think...oh nice hair...or nice dressing style type of thing and look away. The guy never knows I looked at him. But thing is, I don't mind if he would do it. Like I see it as it would tell me what he likes in women. Like if he says, I saw this girl with long straight her who looked nice...I know he likes long straight hair so I would do my hair like that for him. But I do agree its wrong...I guess immature too. I just love Love Shack...makes those awful knots in my stomach go away!
Author Mylife Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Oh and also...he asks me at times on the phone and stuff when we talk that if I looked at anyone today. I just say that I love him and only him and have to say that I didn't look at anyone. I do love him and only him and no one else matters...but even if I give a milli second glance...I have to tell him I didn't. Makes me a very little bit sad. But rather that than make him insecure...right?
Lizzie60 Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 wow .. your bf needs help... You have way more patience than I have.. I can't stand a guy like that. My first ex became extremely jealous after I quit smoking and my whole body changed.. (got huge breasts).. and he was like your bf.. I left.. If he wants to be miserable.. he can be .. alone!
MN randomguy Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Does it matter if its insecurity? Can't he have a positive experience in a relationship for once? I think you're right not to tell him. If he is not attractive enough to hold previous girls what makes him think that he's attractive enough to hold this one? You could try being really supportive and complimentary whenever there's an opportunity. Maybe if he feels that others do perceive him as a catch (at least as attractive as that random guy on the street) he won't have to be so insecure.
MN randomguy Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Oh and also...he asks me at times on the phone and stuff when we talk that if I looked at anyone today. Oh, replied without reading this. Yes, he's very insecure. However that's why he tries so hard and is so "sweet" package deal, take it or leave it. Could be worked on though. No one wants to be insecure.
crimsonrose Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 Thats how my fiance and I are. Its a mutual decision though. He slips more than I do but he's also out and about for work alot more than me. Honestly, I think its beautiful. Everyones different though. My take on it is God made people in halves, almost. If you're planning on getting married, god made your guy for YOU. And he made those guys you're looking at for someone else. I have to remember when I slip and think of a guy (which is rare) : he's not mine. h ewas made for someone, and that woman is not my. My amazing fiance is made for me, and he's all I want and need. Its ok to look at a guy and appreciate his looks. Its not ok, though, to sit there thinking "God, he was sexy" for the next 5 minutes, ya know? Anything that you wouldnt liek your guythinking about girls, try not to hink that about guys.
Author Mylife Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 Yeah, maybe he is insecure. But I have noticed that he has not asked me in the past 2 weeks if I looked at anyone. So maybe its passing. The sweet part, he says he believes it to be a very important part of a relationship and that he loves being like that for me. And I am not hurt by it...I do it back and he loves it too. He says that other girls do look at him, walking down the street and stuff so now I don't know if he is insecure about his looks. Also, I consider myself average looking too, nothing great but not bad either. Just normal looking. So, I am not sure about him feeling that he can't keep me just because he couldn't keep the other girls. Ahh confused. Hehe, I hope I didn't confuse all of you too.
Author Mylife Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 My take on it is God made people in halves, almost. If you're planning on getting married, god made your guy for YOU. And he made those guys you're looking at for someone else. I have to remember when I slip and think of a guy (which is rare) : he's not mine. h ewas made for someone, and that woman is not my. My amazing fiance is made for me, and he's all I want and need. Crimson, how do you know if that is the right half though? Like what if you feel it is, and then get married...but it actually isn't. Then the one that is supposed to be your half is somewhere out there and you never meet him.??
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 If a guy i was with asked me if I looked at anyone else that day, I'd just have to tell him, "Absolutely not, honey! In fact, I had both of my eyeballs surgically removed so you never, ever have to worry about me looking at anyone ever again!" Then watch as he goes on to get you to cut off your hands and sew your va-jay-jay shut.
Author Mylife Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 If a guy i was with asked me if I looked at anyone else that day, I'd just have to tell him, "Absolutely not, honey! In fact, I had both of my eyeballs surgically removed so you never, ever have to worry about me looking at anyone ever again!" Then watch as he goes on to get you to cut off your hands and sew your va-jay-jay shut. Thanks Lonely. Nothing more to say....
Ariadne Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 But rather that than make him insecure...right? No. If he is with you and you check out other guys, and then the guy has to drive some 5 hours away.. I can see why he'd feel apprehensive about that. He probably wants to be there by your side and not just leave you for all those guys. But I don't think you are doing anything wrong, it's natural to look at things you like.
crimsonrose Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Crimson, how do you know if that is the right half though? Like what if you feel it is, and then get married...but it actually isn't. Then the one that is supposed to be your half is somewhere out there and you never meet him.?? If people share a commitment, especially one like an ldr, for years at a time, obviously theres something there. If they start to feel theyre not right for each other, then they need to try to work harder at it, because you CAN make it work My fiances got a semi scary (but still very precious to me) Albanian family, wasn't raised to be affectionate at all, was raised to go to strip clubs, yadayadayada, and there's been a couple of times where I feared I jsut wasn't right for him. And we've always persevered. I think once you've made a huge commitment to someone and KNOW that you love them, the moment you fele yourself drifting apart is the moment you need to work harder on the relationship. I know that sounds like the mentality of a 5-year-old, thinking all is always well and perfect. I just think people spot flaws in others and instead of embracing them because they love their lover, they let it wedge between them.
nicole430 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 My fiances got a semi scary (but still very precious to me) Albanian family, wasn't raised to be affectionate at all, was raised to go to strip clubs, yadayadayada, and there's been a couple of times where I feared I jsut wasn't right for him. And we've always persevered. I think once you've made a huge commitment to someone and KNOW that you love them, the moment you fele yourself drifting apart is the moment you need to work harder on the relationship. OMG i am so glad someone on here is dating an albanian and understands what they are like lol. My boyfriend is albanian and i can totally relate to you Crimsonrose! 4 more days til he comes back from kosovo....is your fiancee from albania or kosovo?
Author Mylife Posted October 11, 2008 Author Posted October 11, 2008 If people share a commitment, especially one like an ldr, for years at a time, obviously theres something there. If they start to feel theyre not right for each other, then they need to try to work harder at it, because you CAN make it work My fiances got a semi scary (but still very precious to me) Albanian family, wasn't raised to be affectionate at all, was raised to go to strip clubs, yadayadayada, and there's been a couple of times where I feared I jsut wasn't right for him. And we've always persevered. I think once you've made a huge commitment to someone and KNOW that you love them, the moment you fele yourself drifting apart is the moment you need to work harder on the relationship. I know that sounds like the mentality of a 5-year-old, thinking all is always well and perfect. I just think people spot flaws in others and instead of embracing them because they love their lover, they let it wedge between them. Thanks Crimson. I'll keep that in mind and give this time. For me its only been 6 months and I am only 19..hehe. So it just needs time to see what it is all about. I am glad things are going well for you.... Its just a matter of giving it time...I think. Just wish the feeling would go away...
crimsonrose Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 Thanks Crimson. I'll keep that in mind and give this time. For me its only been 6 months and I am only 19..hehe. So it just needs time to see what it is all about. I am glad things are going well for you.... Its just a matter of giving it time...I think. Just wish the feeling would go away... Oh honey, age doesn't make a difference All that matters is hwo well you handle what life throws at you. And you sound liek you're handling everything with grace I'm only 17 and I'm engaged and in an LDR. Doesn't matter the age Just take it a day at a time.
crimsonrose Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 OMG i am so glad someone on here is dating an albanian and understands what they are like lol. My boyfriend is albanian and i can totally relate to you Crimsonrose! 4 more days til he comes back from kosovo....is your fiancee from albania or kosovo? Goodness, me too. My relatoinship is complicated enough with my young age and the distance between us, but to add to all that, when I move to my fiance I have to adjust to Australian culture AND Albanian culture. And God knows Albanians are practically in a league of their own. He's pure Albanian. Like, since the beginning of time. lol. His family almost killed him when they found out he wanted me, a mostly European mutt. They didn't bat an eyelash at my age, just the various bloodlines running through my veins. I saw you live in New York? Lots of Albos live in New York. Is that how you ran across your SO?
Author Mylife Posted October 13, 2008 Author Posted October 13, 2008 Oh honey, age doesn't make a difference All that matters is hwo well you handle what life throws at you. And you sound liek you're handling everything with grace I'm only 17 and I'm engaged and in an LDR. Doesn't matter the age Just take it a day at a time. Wow crimson...I am truely amazed at your thoughts even though you are so young. Keep up the great work girl! I am really happy that things are working with you and your fiance...and pray and wish the best for you. I am feeling a bit better now...and have decided to meet him more often since its only a 5 hour drive. And just give it time...lets see what happens.
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