Stamdpaddy is in da House

[stampdaddy]

OK.. I REALLY needed a few days off from everything.. and everybody (no offense to anyone here). Here is where I am at, finally. I have told you guys that I always have these "talks" with her on my porch, with a glass of wine. MANY different scenarios with many different outcomes to these imaginary talks. Well, I decided to write myself a "contract", titled: I have decided... and the list of bullet points is very long, but goes along the lines of this:

• I have decided NOT to be depressed, sad and alone anymore, while you DON'T decide to do anything
  
• ...to feel "freedom" again, and not be a prisoner in my own home, my own life, my own heart and my own soul
  
• ...to not living the life of a LIE anymore right in front of myself, my family and my friends.
  
• ...to not wait for someone that has NEVER taken one single step in my direction
  
• ...to not holding a pillow at night, a pillow that does NOT hold me back
  
• ...to not trust you anymore, because there is NOTHING to trust you about. You are a liar
  

you get the picture. I have also decided to stare at her UGLY 100% of the time, and it has done wonders these last couple of days. It is amazing to me how much better I am starting to feel. And the fact that EVERYBODY tells me that I will see her again, because the second the divorce starts, she will be back, I WILL BE PREPARED. Last week I would have been prepared to bring her in, but now, I will be prepared to tell her to go F**K herself. AND THIS ACTUALLY EXCITES ME.

 

I know I have said before the WORDS, but now I am taking ACTION and getting my life back. A life that I DID give away to her, but I have finally taken it back and she can never touch it again.

 

I am riding high on this feeling and I won't let go of it and I will absolutely feel ZERO REMORSE for feeling this way. I gave her more than enough of everything and got NOTHING in return from her.

 

My daughter comes in from college tomorrow for a little Father/Daughter college football rivalry game, so HOOK 'EM HORNS!!

[2sunny]

nice SD!

 

you go honey! sounds like you're moving in the right direction!

 

don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up every now and then - just get back on track, mentally healthy - for YOU to be happy and moving forward in a positive direction.

[Mino]

HI SD... Good Luck sweetie, its not about how many times we fall, as long as you get up again and keep trying. You will reach your personal goal, for that I am sure...

[Die Hard]

OK.. I REALLY needed a few days off from everything.. and everybody (no offense to anyone here). Here is where I am at, finally. I have told you guys that I always have these "talks" with her on my porch, with a glass of wine. MANY different scenarios with many different outcomes to these imaginary talks. Well, I decided to write myself a "contract", titled: I have decided... and the list of bullet points is very long, but goes along the lines of this:

• I have decided NOT to be depressed, sad and alone anymore, while you DON'T decide to do anything
  
• ...to feel "freedom" again, and not be a prisoner in my own home, my own life, my own heart and my own soul
  
• ...to not living the life of a LIE anymore right in front of myself, my family and my friends.
  
• ...to not wait for someone that has NEVER taken one single step in my direction
  
• ...to not holding a pillow at night, a pillow that does NOT hold me back
  
• ...to not trust you anymore, because there is NOTHING to trust you about. You are a liar
  

you get the picture. I have also decided to stare at her UGLY 100% of the time, and it has done wonders these last couple of days. It is amazing to me how much better I am starting to feel. And the fact that EVERYBODY tells me that I will see her again, because the second the divorce starts, she will be back, I WILL BE PREPARED. Last week I would have been prepared to bring her in, but now, I will be prepared to tell her to go F**K herself. AND THIS ACTUALLY EXCITES ME.

 

I know I have said before the WORDS, but now I am taking ACTION and getting my life back. A life that I DID give away to her, but I have finally taken it back and she can never touch it again.

 

I am riding high on this feeling and I won't let go of it and I will absolutely feel ZERO REMORSE for feeling this way. I gave her more than enough of everything and got NOTHING in return from her.

 

My daughter comes in from college tomorrow for a little Father/Daughter college football rivalry game, so HOOK 'EM HORNS!!

sounds good to me! just remember it's like a rollercoaster. sometimes those feelings of strength will melt away. if you're prepared for them you can make it through. it's also a marathon not a sprint. remember that too when it gets tough.

 

and Texas is going to kick some serious ass this weekend. OU SUCKS!!!!! although i do like bob stoops.

 

Hook Em baby!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Angel1111]

Sometimes we have to take back all the pieces of ourselves that we gave to someone else.

 

Glad you're back. I was worried about where you went, and why you went. Now I see. Sometimes we must withdraw in order to feel whole again.

 

And, as we all know, Texas rules.

[Owl]

Stick to it, man!!!

[stampdaddy]

Stick to it, man!!!

 

Havent had any set backs yet. I am not allowing myself "feelings" about her or the relationship to arise, other than anger and disgust. People have told me that once I decide to turn around and look at it all, the smoke will clear rather rapidly.

I forgot to mention that I had my "talk" and got it over with, so I don't feel the "need" for that anymore. I can just keep looking forward.

[Owl]

There you go.

 

You've heard it before...many of us have told you that you won't truly start to "get over it" until you let yourself get angry about it.

 

Sounds to me like you're getting there.

[stampdaddy]

I'm so happy for your newfound sense of self, SD. You come across as a wonderful, romantic, sweetly sensitive man who deserves an honest, good woman beside him upon whom you can bestow the love you so obviously want to give.

 

Stay strong!!

 

do you know any hot single chicks??

[quankanne]

any hot single chicks? One of my college roomates, now living in Georgetown. Only downside is that she's a Yankee ... my quanky yankee friend … but she's not far from Austin ...

 

I have also decided to stare at her UGLY 100% of the time

 

:lmao: I'm getting images of you making really ugly faces every time she addresses you, don't know why this is so amusing ...

[Dominique]

She'll be back before the end of the year. It will be funny what happens then.

 

He's about as "over" this as Afghanistan is at peace.

 

DOM

[stampdaddy]

She'll be back before the end of the year. It will be funny what happens then.

 

He's about as "over" this as Afghanistan is at peace.

 

DOM

 

I gotta disagree witchya bad self.. By the time I am through with my "project", and IF she comes back by the end of the year, I will be miles down "Stampdaddy Lane...."

 

I have REALLY been working overtime on looking at this for what it is, was and MORE IMPORTANLY, would be.. The WAS was nice, but that was well over a year to 2 years ago. The IS has been the last year to year 1/2, and it has been HELL. The WOULD BE, well, let's just say it this way: "who in there right mind would want to enter into a relationship that this would become? It was going to be hard enough as it was, IF all of the cards were played right from the beginning. That would have meant a year, two, maybe approaching 3 that we had "our time" to grow. learn about each other as much as we could, feel safe that she could leave the marriage (still with a risk that H would think there was someone else), BUT before H found out. WELL, we all know that didnt happen. Then, even after Dday, had she been able to say, "H, I am sorry, I didnt want it to happen this way, but yes, I have met someone else, and I love him..." But NOPERS.. She drove this train off the cliff..

 

Bottom line is this.. I am COMPLETELY focused on the TODAY and how shi**y our relationship and ME have been treated. I am also looking at how H has been and IS being treated. But most importantly, I have finally started to look at what "could be" in an open and honest fashion, and with NO GUILT at the absolute ZERO chance that we would/could/should survive.. I am 41, and I will be damned if I feel like tanking out again at the age of 44, 47 approaching 50.. When I could meet someone that I could spend my 40's with being HAPPYDADDY

[81West]

My daughter comes in from college tomorrow for a little Father/Daughter college football rivalry game, so HOOK 'EM HORNS!!

 

It's becoming clear to me that your entire problem boils down to the fact that you like whatchamacallit...football...and not the most bestest sport ever in the whole world.

 

Once I get over being afraid of boys I'm going to marry this guy:

 

[Dominique]

I gotta disagree witchya bad self.. By the time I am through with my "project", and IF she comes back by the end of the year, I will be miles down "Stampdaddy Lane...."

 

I have REALLY been working overtime on looking at this for what it is, was and MORE IMPORTANLY, would be.. The WAS was nice, but that was well over a year to 2 years ago. The IS has been the last year to year 1/2, and it has been HELL. The WOULD BE, well, let's just say it this way: "who in there right mind would want to enter into a relationship that this would become? It was going to be hard enough as it was, IF all of the cards were played right from the beginning. That would have meant a year, two, maybe approaching 3 that we had "our time" to grow. learn about each other as much as we could, feel safe that she could leave the marriage (still with a risk that H would think there was someone else), BUT before H found out. WELL, we all know that didnt happen. Then, even after Dday, had she been able to say, "H, I am sorry, I didnt want it to happen this way, but yes, I have met someone else, and I love him..." But NOPERS.. She drove this train off the cliff..

 

Bottom line is this.. I am COMPLETELY focused on the TODAY and how shi**y our relationship and ME have been treated. I am also looking at how H has been and IS being treated. But most importantly, I have finally started to look at what "could be" in an open and honest fashion, and with NO GUILT at the absolute ZERO chance that we would/could/should survive.. I am 41, and I will be damned if I feel like tanking out again at the age of 44, 47 approaching 50.. When I could meet someone that I could spend my 40's with being HAPPYDADDY

 

 

Okay, Bro. I be hearin ya.

 

My bad self is truly angelic, and is Team Stamp-Piddy

 

DOM

[Confused4Now]

She'll be back before the end of the year. It will be funny what happens then.

 

He's about as "over" this as Afghanistan is at peace.

 

DOM

 

I'm so with you on this one.....

[frannie]

... It was going to be hard enough as it was, IF all of the cards were played right from the beginning. That would have meant a year, two, maybe approaching 3 that we had "our time" to grow. learn about each other as much as we could, feel safe that she could leave the marriage (still with a risk that H would think there was someone else), BUT before H found out. WELL, we all know that didnt happen. Then, even after Dday, had she been able to say, "H, I am sorry, I didnt want it to happen this way, but yes, I have met someone else, and I love him..." But NOPERS.. She drove this train off the cliff..

 

Bottom line is this.. I am COMPLETELY focused on the TODAY and how shi**y our relationship and ME have been treated. I am also looking at how H has been and IS being treated. But most importantly, I have finally started to look at what "could be" in an open and honest fashion, and with NO GUILT at the absolute ZERO chance that we would/could/should survive..

 

But is another part of you saying something entirely different? I've been in your position too, wondering why on earth things had to get to the point they did. Why he couldn't do things properly, sanely... why it all had to get to the point of madness and mess when timely action would have led to a completely different outcome. But there's the other side of it all that says that was never going to happen, given the type of people that cheaters tend to be: living in the moment, and compartmentalising.

 

Isn't this a very similar situation to that faced by BSs, in some ways: WHY did they have to do this??? Why couldn't they just come to me and say something..? And how do I go forward, knowing what he's done to me? Can I trust him again, and can we make anything of what our relationship has become because of his mistakes?

 

ETA: I forgot the reason I was writing this! ... was to say that if you are denying that a part of you feels strongly a certain way, then it can lead to trouble. I'm just saying, because I've been there, and when you keep pretending (or hoping?) you feel one way when a part of you feels the opposite you are setting yourself up for problems.

[OpenBook]

ETA: I forgot the reason I was writing this! ... was to say that if you are denying that a part of you feels strongly a certain way, then it can lead to trouble. I'm just saying, because I've been there, and when you keep pretending (or hoping?) you feel one way when a part of you feels the opposite you are setting yourself up for problems.

 

Oh, I think StampDiddly is all too painfully aware of how strongly he "feels a certain way." He is fighting it with every ounce of his being - for his own survival. He is SICK AND TIRED of being down. He is ready to get back up.

 

I applaud you, Stamp, in your struggle to rise above it, get it behind you. It's amazing how love can hold us by the jugular sometimes... how it blinds us to the fact that those shackles are absolutely within our power to unlock.

 

Keep up the good fight, my good man!! You're finally heading in the right direction.

[stampdaddy]

Frannie: I know what you are saying and believe me, I WAS there.. And Open Book is right, EVERY ounce of my being is beating this thing to death, because that is what I have chosen to do. LOVE, or stupidity, kept me "in the game", and I even started to think to myself that IF she comes out on the other end, look at all of the "changes" she is going to have to make, within herself, for me to be able to trust her/us... I went to a wedding once years ago, and I remember the Preacher/Priest saying "...in TRUE LOVE, a love that with sustain time and troubles, you should never want to change the person you are in love with..." something like that. Anyway, there is way too much that would need to change in her now, and I wouldnt want to try. When I started to see her doing to ME what I witnessed her doing to HIM all of these years, it screamed at me that I wasnt "different", just another person to manipulate for HER own needs... no thankee spankee

[MizzBlue72]

So glad you came back! I'm kind of a lurker here (same old story that everyone else has) and I really liked the post you wrote when you saw the OW last.

Good for you to take action!!!!! I wish that I could do that - I know that I can, but not quite to that point, you know??

 

Good luck with this!

[Reggie]

Time to grow a pair and leave your drama queen status behind. Hell, you'd think this was the romance of the century rather than what it was: a sordid, macabre ,dysfunctional dance between two stunted people. Get your head out of your ass and just get over this screwball. And, get yourself some therapy. No mentally healthy person stays in something so messed up so long.

[stampdaddy]

Time to grow a pair and leave your drama queen status behind. Hell, you'd think this was the romance of the century rather than what it was: a sordid, macabre ,dysfunctional dance between two stunted people. Get your head out of your ass and just get over this screwball. And, get yourself some therapy. No mentally healthy person stays in something so messed up so long.

 

Reggie, I won't take that as an insult, and do appreciate where YOU are coming from. I AM sorry youare going through what you are going through. I will admit I saw things differently than I see them now.. It is strange, but YES, it was the love of my lifetime.. now, it is the worse mistake (or choice) I EVER made...

[frannie]

... When I started to see her doing to ME what I witnessed her doing to HIM all of these years, it screamed at me that I wasnt "different", just another person to manipulate for HER own needs... no thankee spankee

 

that's fantastic, Stamp.

[Reggie]

SD, what I went thorugh has nothing to do with this. I think you just need to let this die and see it for just how dumb and pathetic it was. For God's sake, the best you could do is a screwy married woman? What does you college age daughter think of this? I imagine she is mortified that her dad was so weak. Let it die. Learn from it. It was ridiculous.

[stampdaddy]

SD, what I went thorugh has nothing to do with this. I think you just need to let this die and see it for just how dumb and pathetic it was. For God's sake, the best you could do is a screwy married woman? What does you college age daughter think of this? I imagine she is mortified that her dad was so weak. Let it die. Learn from it. It was ridiculous.

 

yep, it WAS

[Dominique]

...Have you thought of moving away for while, six months to a year? Is that at all possible?

 

DOM