Sysyphus28 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I acted a fool when she broke up with me(trying to get her back and get a second chance) pretty weak 2 1/2 NC and holding strong...........she doesn't particularly want to talk to me because she doesn't want to re-hash the same old convo I am sure and she thinks I am still hung up(which I am and that is why I am in NC with her). Someone suggested I write her a handwritten letter "agreeing to the breakup" and apoligizing for acting unstable and needy, etc. This might turn things around....and make me look stronger and more confident in her eyes. I feel like I have been emotionally beat up! I am a smart/attractive guy, and I don't know why I can't "go without" her. I miss her alot. I am almost afraid to contact her because square one was such a crappy place to be a month ago.
northstar1 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I acted a fool when she broke up with me(trying to get her back and get a second chance) pretty weak 2 1/2 NC and holding strong...........she doesn't particularly want to talk to me because she doesn't want to re-hash the same old convo I am sure and she thinks I am still hung up(which I am and that is why I am in NC with her). Someone suggested I write her a handwritten letter "agreeing to the breakup" and apoligizing for acting unstable and needy, etc. This might turn things around....and make me look stronger and more confident in her eyes. I feel like I have been emotionally beat up! I am a smart/attractive guy, and I don't know why I can't "go without" her. I miss her alot. I am almost afraid to contact her because square one was such a crappy place to be a month ago. if you are holding strong to NC, then there is no need for a letter. The silence says enough, that are living your life without her. Sending her a letter will not make you look stronger, or more confident, quite the oppostive. There is no need to 'agree' to the breakup at this point. It's happened, you are moving on with your life and doing a great job with NC. All a letter will do (and trust me, we've all wanted to send them something) is show her you are still hurting and holding onto her. Dont' risk going back to square 1. Sending her a note - well, she may not reply at all (which will hurt), or she may dismiss what you have to say in a reply (which will hurt) The only thing that will continue to help you move on is time and focusing on your own happiness.
EmperorR Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 no contact means no contact. I'm in re same boat as you 15 days today nc, 2 weeks ago if she contacted me I would be jmping for joy. Now she msgrd me yesterday on yahoo I just looked at it waited five minutes and just signed out. Was I perhaps mean and could have said I'm fine but I have to go yes. But the point of nc is nc, f her she dumped me she doesn't get to know how my life is going or how I'm feeling. And you should think the same, so you write the letter and send it then what she will probably just say great and that's it. Trust me continue nc don't go for a quick hit or fix. You know I can see my ex cracking already trying to find out what's going on in my life but to bad I don't talk to strangers Write theetter if you must but don't give it to her. Stay strong.
dannydrifter Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I feel like I have been emotionally beat up! I am a smart/attractive guy, and I don't know why I can't "go without" her. I miss her alot. I am almost afraid to contact her because square one was such a crappy place to be a month ago. I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this awful situation. I've been there, and still sort of going through it. Hang in there buddy, I don't really know what else to say which hasn't already been said on these boards. I am not so sure that the exercise thing helps much (it doesn't for me anyway). But going out with your friends more often, and even dating some other women even if it is just a simple coffee or one time dinner. That will help.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Thanks all. Nc means NC. Some stupid "I've moved on letter" Is giving to much info............. Silence is golden and it says more then I could say with a million letters. I am focusing on letting her go...................trying, trying, trying. It has been a struggle.
northstar1 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Thanks all. Nc means NC. Some stupid "I've moved on letter" Is giving to much info............. Silence is golden and it says more then I could say with a million letters. I am focusing on letting her go...................trying, trying, trying. It has been a struggle. Trust me I know, this is the hardest thing I've ever struggled with in my life, to just let go.
EmperorR Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 letting go is hard but sticking around as a friend hoping and being clingy you will just end up feeling worse
RogueAC Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I am focusing on letting her go...................trying, trying, trying. It has been a struggle. Sys, stay strong. It's so hard at first but it will get easier. I think when I focus energy on "letting go" I find that I am still focused on the other person. Even focusing on no contact, is still focusing on the other person. They are still hooked in my head. When I start focusing on me -- my feelings, thoughts, needs-- I just start letting go naturally. Writing might be cathartic. NOT A LETTER TO HER BUT WRITING FOR YOURSELF- - to figure out who you are and what you want. To define who you are without her. I know it frackin sucks, but it will get better and it will get easier.
JamesM Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I gotta ask....what does Caliguy have to do with this letter?
RogueAC Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I gotta ask....what does Caliguy have to do with this letter? I think he was looking for advice/opinions from CaliGuy.
JamesM Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I think he was looking for advice/opinions from CaliGuy. That is what I thought, but he never mentions his name anywhere.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 That is what I thought, but he never mentions his name anywhere.[/quo you are right
CaliGuy Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 The advice everyone else is giving you is spot on. I wouldn't write her a letter. I would just stick with NC and do your best to keep your mind occupied with activies, friends, fun, etc.
i11 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I dont think a hand-writing letter would really matter only if you are not totally affected by the emotion caused by the breakup any more. But if then, to write or not to write has no difference, since you are already over it. You can still write to her even if you have feeling for her. But for now, you have to calm down at the first place, forget about all the sadness she brought you and all the apology you owe her, just set your life back on track, better yourself, move on or not is your own decision. Whatever you do atm, the situation wont be changed.
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