matthias Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Ok I'm new here, but maybe you guys can help give me some ideas about my problems. I'll fill you in from the start. X and myself became very close friends around 2 years ago, and after a long friendship we entered a relationship, it was great but after a short amount of time, being the fool that I was then, I decided to end the relationship to pursue someone else. The friendship ended with this, and I immediately felt the depth of the mistake. However in the past few months, X restarted contact with me, and almost straight away we realised how close we were. Unfortunately though, she has been in a relationship with someone who I know (and don't care much for) for several months. After a while of complaining about him to me, and fighting with him, they broke up. Though I tried as hard as I could to make it obvious, I never truly articulated the love I still had for her, and now they have gotten back together. Her and I both know that we have a future together, but now even moreso I can't see either of us telling eachother. Do I carry on like before, hoping for something to happen? Do I risk losing my best friend and inevitable heartbreak by fully opening up to her? Do I back away from the friendship to avoid the pain?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 This is kind of a tricky situation. If she's getting back together with someone she broke up with... then I would assume she is still somewhat emotionally invested in this other guy. Heres just a few questions to give myself (and maybe others?) a bit better perspective on the situation: -How long has it been since you and this girl broke up? Did you start seeing someone new immediately after you broke up? When did she start dating this new guy, and how long have they been together? You claim that you and her both know you can end up together. If thats the case, why is she still with this guy? My guess is, you hurt her, badly, when you left her for someone new. While she slowly got over her pain, you temporarily forgot about her an indulged in your new woman. Speaking from experience - that is an INCREDIBLY painful feeling, to be left for someone else. Even if she is interested, which you cannot be sure of, she probably could not just go back to loving you easily and without pain. You broke her trust and her heart. She probably misses you still, but wants to make what she has now work with this other guy because he (from what little I know), did not abandon her as you did. So.... if what I've written sounds about right to you... My advice is this: If you havnt been broken up THAT long - I'm talking not more than a year, she probably hasnt had time to heal and be her own person. If you and her are meant to end up together someday, you will, but now is not the time, its too soon, and she is emotionally invested in someone else right now. If being her only her friend, and nothing more hurts you badly, then distance yourself a bit. I'm sure someone else on the forums will have more concise advice then myself, but thats what I have to offer until someone wiser comes along
i11 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 No one could actually stop you from trying. Meanwhile to try it or not, you must have the worst situation got prepared, not only in this kinda relationship, but in another as well. If you do have that luck to be together, it could the next moment, or the moment after she breaks up with that guy again, so why not try it and wait patiently? The timing is very important, pick up a good moment to tell her about your feeling, and let her do the decision. And one thing important: Never stop bettering yourself.
Author matthias Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 The thing is I really doubt she feels much for this other guy other than the need to be with someone. She isn't happy with him, and he is the furthest thing from her type imaginable. I want to think that she was just angry/upset that I didn't have the courage to make the first move when they were seperated, and bounced back. This makes me feel awful, but gives me hope somewhat.
ahhhchooo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 So don't post this on LS, tell her. Let me ask you this: if you were in love with someone and saw a future with them, would you choose some other girl over them? No! Let her know how you feel. The worst that happens is you get rejected and have to move on.
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