Confused4Now Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Is there a percentage that make it or fail?
Geishawhelk Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Pardon? Fail what? Separation? Make what....? I think you'll need to clarify what you're asking. I don't get it.
dannydrifter Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 From what I am reading on this board, very few separations lead to successful reconcile. Most seem to end in divorce. Further on that, it seems that when a woman falls out of love with husband or gets involved with another man who meets/exceeds her interests, that she will never return. Or at least it is very rare, just based on all the similar stories I keep reading here. OTOH, men appear to be more willing to work things out and give seconds chances, especially when kids are involved. I keep hearing OW talking about their MM who will never leave the marriage, and how these women are so miserable and hurt. How often do we hear about the married woman who chose to stay with her husband despite falling in love with another man who she is crazy about? Not many. It kind of tells you that women who fall out of love or check out of the relationship are programmed to move on with the next guy more easily than men can.
Nomad1 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Dannydrifter - very accurate observation. I hate generalising along gender lines, but it appears that when men are involved with OW, the sexual part of the new relationship is the primary motivation, where as, it appears, for some women it is a total commitment to the new relationship and the emotional dimension is at the forefront. Men are more concerned about stability of their children, finances etc. Men, it appears, take a lot longer to commit to new relationships, from my experience anyway, hence many women's complaints about unwillingness of some men to commit. This would explain why some women who become emotionally involved with OM become emotionally unavailable to their former spouses. Apologies about the generalisations, but this is an interesting observation that Dannydrifter made. The moral of the story is, if you are a man who has the misfortune of seeing your family torn apart because of your wayward former wife. Accept that there is nothing you can do to bring about change. Think strategically and prioritise. Your children, health and finances must come first. There are lots of women out there. Choose carefully. Good luck Nomad1
dannydrifter Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I hate generalising along gender lines, but it appears that when men are involved with OW, the sexual part of the new relationship is the primary motivation, where as, it appears, for some women it is a total commitment to the new relationship and the emotional dimension is at the forefront. Yes nomad1 you nailed it right there. I've had this happen to me, so I've seen it first hand. Not to change the story, but I sometimes wonder if this is why some men relentlessly pursue married ladies... perhaps they learned one way or another that a married woman can still fall for them rather easily (as long as they are persistent and the woman allows it to go on).
dead-dyke Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 This is a very astute observation. I know in my case, I never was given the first chance at second chance, if you will. All this time together and we're not even worth the effort it seems. I must have done something really vile to deserve this. But what? I don't think she even has a concrete reason.
dannydrifter Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 This is a very astute observation. I know in my case, I never was given the first chance at second chance, if you will. All this time together and we're not even worth the effort it seems. I must have done something really vile to deserve this. But what? I don't think she even has a concrete reason. When I talk with my STBXW, she does the same to me... talks down to me, tries to make me feel like I was such a bastard and there is no worse man than me, although I never cheated on her or beat her or did anything close to that. She now tells me repeatedly she does not love nor is attracted to me anymore. She also confessed that she fell in love with some other guy several months before we separated, and is now planning to marry him! This is just to illustrate how utterly crazy this womanly "trait" or whatever you want to call it, can really be.
dead-dyke Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 "Womanly trait" seems to be the gist of it, from all I've heard & read. I guess I'm a little lucky in the fact my stbXw Hasn't told me that she doesn't love me or fell out of love w/ me per se. (?) BUT - her actions after separation speak volumes about her. P.S.- Bastardize us must be a job requirement.
Author Confused4Now Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 I was looking for a percentage of marriages that go into separation that make it. So like a number of 10% of marriages are reconciled....that's what I was asking.
dannydrifter Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I was looking for a percentage of marriages that go into separation that make it. So like a number of 10% of marriages are reconciled....that's what I was asking. I'm not a marriage therapist or statician, so I have no idea! I don't think anyone on this board would be able to give you an accurate number. Like I said, based on the posts here, I would say that percentage is low, like real low, under 20% probably (and I'm being pretty generous).
dead-dyke Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too generous if we're going from this board. I know for sure, that 100% of the time, I'm right 60% of the time - ALWAYS. I think stats are too generalized to be believed, and also you have to take into account who's asking? Who's reporting? How many? How many were asked to report? Also, the hard facts for divorce is already on paper. Reconciliations? Who fills paperwork out on a reconciliation? They just happen. Or, they don't. I think you will be hard pressed to find any real stats that can be believed/trusted. JMHO.
HotCarl Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Is there a percentage that make it or fail?From what I've seen, by far the majority of separations result in a successful divorce. Very few separations fail and end up with the couple getting back together.
PWSX3 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 I have heard that only 1% of marriage get back together after a separation. I think our counselor told me that.
CoryCosmetics Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 From what I've seen, by far the majority of separations result in a successful divorce. Very few separations fail and end up with the couple getting back together. I have to agree with this, but I am a woman who falls into this category. Husband and I separated. I filed for divorce. We had no contact for many months. Ended up getting back together and have been bf/gf successfully for almost 2 years now. I know, weird, and not the norm. But the reasons we got divorced were not due to either of us specifically.
Gunny376 Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Statistically a solider, Marine, airman, or sailor has a better chance of getting killed by a bus while crossing the street in NYNY, than he does of getting killed in Iraq or Afghanstan,.........................but this really doesn't matter IF your one of the ones that actually gets killed in Iraq or Afghanstan now does it? Statistically, Obama is leading in the current election campagin, as did Tom Bradlydid when as the Mayor of LA was leading in the race for governor of California. Just three days before the election, he was leading by 15 percentage points, but lost the election by 55,000 votes on the actual day of the election. Therefore, it matters not what the statistics say, its matters only what you are willing to do reconcile.
CoryCosmetics Posted October 11, 2008 Posted October 11, 2008 Therefore, it matters not what the statistics say, its matters only what you are willing to do reconcile. Well said. To clarify my post above. Husband and I did legally divorce, it was many months later with no contact that we ran into each other in a store and started talking. Just for a few minutes and then started emailing. About 2 months later we started to hang out as friends and support for each other. It's been almost 2 years that we have been bf/gf and have both changed a lot since our marriage....we have no plans to marry again, but we consider ourselves life "partners". There is always hope, and time, it depends what you or both are willing to do.
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