RecordProducer Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I was just wondering if it's the same things that hurt men and women in relationships. So what hurts you and what makes you happy? Feel free to post more than one thing. I'll post later, gotta take a nap. Thanks.
Crow9726 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Being older than most on this forum...perhaps my wants and needs are a little different...but here goes... Affection. Lots of verbal and physical affection. Not necessarily sex...but I like tactile attention. I am very touchy feely in a relationship and want the same in return. I always give words of affirmation and expect and need the same. I couldn't care less about acts of service or gifts...and quality time will arise from the things I want and need. It's probably apparent that I know about the love languages...lol... I need to feel special sometimes...like I am my partner's sole focus. Not constantly...that would be scary...but enough to know that I am loved and appreciated and wanted and desired. I try to create an atmosphere where my partner has very little stress and to maintain a drama free life when I can. I want my partner to be happy...and for her to shine that happiness toward me when we are together. The only place in my life where I am high maintenance is emotionally. I guess that I may be from Mars...but sometimes think Venutian...lol
quankanne Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 what hurts the most? When he's angry and refuses to listen/communicate. Because I think any solution can be resolved if both parties are willing to communicate ... or if not resolved, at least a better handle on it can be good, too! also, when my husband interprets my desire for affection as me wanting him to put out. Yeah, I miss the sex, but I miss the intimacy of laying together and cuddling even MORE, because as crow says, tactile attention is really, really nice. what makes me happy? That he isn't cowed by public displays of affection (namely hand-holding). And that he's better to my folks than I am, and that's saying a lot ... it makes me feel good inside knowing that he's got that kind of compassion in him, even though I know it can be hard dealing with an old man who is dying and has come to live with us.
Author RecordProducer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Awww, these posts were so heart-melting. Crow, you sound like a sweet man. Quankanne, I think you're the sweetest woman on this board since long time ago. It's very nice of your hsuabnd to be compassionate toward your family; I think he's trying to make up for some things he can't give you, especially because he's older than you. What hurts me the most is any form of rejection. What makes me happy is when I feel close and connected, loved and appreciated. I am very intuitive a people can't easily fool me about the way they feel. So, anytime when I feel that somebody genuinely wants to make me feel good (even if its to feel good about themselves), I already feel good. I am very sensitive to bad vibes and can't digest them at all. Same goes for my partner. There are so many ways to make me feel rejected, unloved, and unwelcome. And so many little ways to make me feel loved.
annieo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 What hurts me is the fact that my h is incapable of being nurturing. He's a great pal (most days), funny, smart, hardworking with house reno, helps me not take things too seriously. But he really sucks at, well, just being nice when I'm feeling down. I think he sees it as weakness. He grew up in a house with a hard ass dad in the military, a brother (no sisters) and a mom who was very low maintenance. There wasn't a lot of coddling in his childhood. There was a fair bit in mine (from my mom). For example, when I'm sick (which I am right now) he gets cold, uncommunicative, even a little grumpy, refuses to acknowledge that I feel like crap. Just for once, it would be nice to have just a few drops of sympathy, an offer of tea or a backrub. It's like he doesn't know how to just be caring sometimes. I give it to him - wish I could be on the receiving end occassionally.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 What hurts me the most is dishonesty and when he shuts down during a 'discussion'. (I use quotes, because perhaps these start out as discussions, but as soon as things get a little heated, bam! He's out of the room, even when it's him who escalates things, which is not to say it's always him, just to say that I've done my part to not escalate in hopes of reaching resolution, but I still get the silent hubby treatment) What makes me happy is attention and affection.
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