NiCoLe20 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 hey all- ive been a member on this site for a while now, but never really post -- until now! .. I'm kinda going through some really emotional stuff and I jsut need some feedback even though I know the obvious! I just like to hear advice and words of encouragement from others, because I dont really confide in anyone close to me... so here goes it!! -- ok, I'm 24 yrs old and the guy I was with for almost 4 yrs was 23. LOTS & LOTS of ups and downs, mostly downs.. but we remained together trying to work it out, b/c we loved each other.. but it got harder & harder to stay together as time went by. I dont know if astrological signs are true in their personality traits, but I'm a Virgo and he's a Sagittarius. We argue sooo much!! over such stupid little things all the time. It has completely worn me out... I have come to terms that "I love him, but I'm not in love with him." --- we have been at each others throats alot! -- but he always apologized, always took the time to show he cared, and did what he could to make me feel better. He's a good guy and would move a mountain for me, wouldn't cheat, and do anything to intentionally hurt me, but I just dont feel like I'm in love anymore, I'm bored and after breaking up last night, i feel SOOOOO bad about breaking his heart. i read a letter I put a lot of thought into, and after the 1st paragraph he started to cry. then we talked and agreed to disagree , then he read his letter. We both agreed that the fighting was too much right now, and that we both needed to seperate. who knows if it will be for months, for years, or forever and thats probably why I'm hurting now. I dont want to leave forever, but at the same time - before I settle down and get married (he was planning on proposing) I need to see what else is out there. Who knows if something better is waiting around the corner you know? and i feel that I deserve to find that out for myself... I owe that to myself! but maybe my now ex is really the one??? im just really sad right now, even though i think its for the best? I just wasnt completely happy in the relationship and how it was going. so many weekends were ruined b/c we got mad at one another.. so many bad memories, little good memories. I just dont know what to do from here on out. I told him we cant contact each other for a while, but maybe we can meet up around christmas time... is that a bad thing to do? i didnt want to tell him i never wanted to see him again, but at the same time - i kind of would like to check in so to speak if I'm not with anyone at that time. We hugged and said our goodbyes and I felt a little relieved although i was sad. he touched my hair one last time and I cried like a baby on my way home. its hard to end a habit, and even harder to end a 4 yr relationship w/ someone you care about and love. can you guys offer any advice/suggestions and/or words on encouragement... Im so sad and upset... I hate to cry! -- i wonder how he feels, b/c his hearts broken and i just feel like such a terrible person, but I HAD TO do this for myself.. to become happy again!
unknown815 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 You sound like my X bf! Ok, so basically you need to do whatever it is that's going to make you happy. Obviously you care about this person deeply and its going to be hard ending things. Sounds like you're a little unsure on what you want. Whatever you do, do not string him a long. Meaning, don't break up with him, realize you miss him and go running back to him just to do the same thing over. Maybe a separation is exactly what you need to re evaluate your feelings and thoughts. Don't beat yourself up over it. Think of it like you are taking some time to learn some things about yourself, by yourself!
Sysyphus28 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 My ex dumped me for the same reason. She broke my heart really bad......I am still F-ed up. I cried and cried to her. I wrote her some emails. She didn't want to talk to me, and we havn't talked in 2 1/2 weeks. SHe wanted to be "happy" too. **You deserve to do what makes you happy. So does my ex. That is your right as an individual. It is probably super painful for him right now....I can only imagine. Four years is time invested in a person. It is not going to be easy for either of you. Matters of heart are not easy at all. I miss my ex so much sometimes, but I don't call her.........because she has a lot of growing up to do and wants to live a different life.
Author NiCoLe20 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Sysyphus28, i was just wondering, if your ex came back months from now, or even a year from now wanting to try again to see if it could really work out, would you give her another chance? (what about if you were with someone? or alone?) or would you be so hurt that you would be afraid to? or be so mad for her breaking ur heart that you wouldnt want to? hearing this from you, is like my ex's perspective... so it doesnt hurt to see it from that way too....
Author NiCoLe20 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 ok, I'm slowly accepting that its going to be over for a while... but what gets me to cry is thinking about him with sumone else... but he kind of needs to do that to gain experience and to grow up and realize what he needs to do to better himself... and both of us dating isnt a bad thing, we both need to see if theres something better waiting... weve been together every single day for 4 yrs -- its so hard to let go but i have to... i just know he will be a good guy for any girl - but i wish it could be me right now, but nothing is working... if he ends up falling in love with sum1 else, and im stuck being alone for a couple years, it will KILL me!! .. thats probalby why im so confused... but we just fight all the time -- its not what love is or feels like!!! ughhhh!! my heart is torn, one side is telling me end it, things are not getting better and it wont for a long time.. and the other side is saying to try my best and work it out... but i will say, being on this website helps me out so much, im thankful that their are caring people out there experiencing the same thing as me, and can provide advice when needed... thank you guys !!!
Crazy.S Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 You sound like my ex. Same as you she broke up with me after exactly four years. I just recently come to accept it and am moving on. The pain and scars from the breakup will not allow me to give her another chance. I don't even think I can be her friend either. Just too much baggage to handle. She has a new boyfriend not very shortly after we broke up. I think you need to be realistic in your goals. If you want to explore what is else out there, then you should not try to keep him as a backup. Don't give him ideas that there are still possibilities. Don't bother him if he's not talking to you. I had to go into NC to get through this. Took me about 9 months to fully accept, but I still have feelings. You can say that I am better at hiding it now. I am not blaming you nicole, I know everyone deserves to be happy. And I hope my ex is happy with her decision, so at least all of this was not a waste.
Author NiCoLe20 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 well, its almost the end of the work day, and end of day #1 without any contact. he didnt call/text/email all day, and I did the same. i teared up a couple times today b/c my heart is in pain... I know I can get through this, I'm strong, but I'm lonely and sad. This thread is going to be like a journal to me.. to help me through the pain.. everyone agrees that I didnt the right thing, and that it was time to call it quits. we werent good together anymore... and i hope god has something good stored for me b/c i could really use that right now!!! im such a good person but so unlucky in love i hate it!!
EmperorR Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 My ex dropped me like a old toy after three years, bbeen a month but it still hurts. Fifteen days nc some days are so hard but I have to accept it's over and move on.
i11 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I was always wondering, if we could learn from our mistakes, or others could correct what they've done wrong, why couldn't we give it another try instead of having a new fresh starting? Is it just bc we are running out of patient or love for the ex or just bc we're too scared to come back together or just been through all that much, we need some fresh air, different feeling or something kinda like that?
Author NiCoLe20 Posted October 9, 2008 Author Posted October 9, 2008 and im back! Day #2 last night i got a blocked phone call around 10:45 pm... i think it was my ex because he just probably wanted to hear my voice even though he knows I'm trying to sleep by that time... and i got a text this morning from him saying, "I'm NOT going to loose you, not to another guy, not to anything, I'm not loosing you" ... i didnt text back, i didnt want this process to 'restart' all over again you know! -- im holding up fairly well.. Ive been home everynight taking it easy and just thinking. im lonely and miss the cuddling! lol ... but i need space and time for myself without all these problems & arguements right now, and it feels good. i really miss him and I hope he realizes that he needs to get his act together and change, b/c Im falling out of love with him... so I need to maintain no contact for atleast another month and see what happens.... man is this going to be hard how does one end fighting in a relationship? whats the solutions? how do you cease an arguement right away? maybe I'm part of the problem too, but I dont know how to fix it?
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