Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I'm dating someone new, and as I predicted would happen, I can't sleep. With him, I mean. I just can't. He can't either. (Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm talking about actual SLEEP! ) Why is this? Why can't I fall asleep, even when it's late at night and I'm otherwise exhausted before we actually lay down? Why can't he sleep? Have you ever been in this situation? Does the inability to sleep around them mean anything? Cause you anxiety, make you lose interest? I'm so frustrated. This happens every time I date someone I really, really like. It's been a year since this happened. Ugh.
Green Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I doubt its a bad sign, I mean when I was a kid and have sleepovers even when the friends came over to my place I would still have trouble sleeping knowing my friends are over. On a side not I hate when a girl wants me to spend the night or she spends the night because I never get good sleep
2sunny Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 that only happens to me when i'm not totally at ease or comfortable with the guy. sometimes i'm not aware of it until i actually realize that i haven't slept well while he's been present. yikes...
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 No way can you sleep with someone you're not compatible with. No way can you completely feel trust with someone you, well...someone you don't trust completely. This sure is no mystery. My educated guess is that you "slept" with him before you really knew him and trusted him. Had you waited and gotten to know him better and actually trusted him, you'd really be able to "sleep" peacefully next to him. No-brainer here.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 I can't sleep around girlfriends either.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 that only happens to me when i'm not totally at ease or comfortable with the guy. sometimes i'm not aware of it until i actually realize that i haven't slept well while he's been present. yikes... Oddly enough, I feel TOTALLY comfortable around him. Almost too much...to the point where I almost burped in front of him (it would have been loooouuuuud if I had! ) but I caught myself because I realized a split second before that he's not just Joe Schmoe Buddy. I think I get so nervous about snoring (I do sometimes ) that I almost will myself not to sleep, or try to make myself sleep without snoring (which I'm pretty sure is impossible). He slept perfectly fine the first night, I was actually jealous. Later, I let it slip that he snored a little that night. He seemed a little embarrassed, and asked why I didn't wake him up or move him to get him to stop. Now he can't sleep either.
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I can't sleep around girlfriends either. Guess you're not compatible with them either! I mean seriously, are you kidding me? You're like what...almost 30? Do you think you should be able to sleep with another woman? What are you pre-teens at a slumber party? Come ON!
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Oddly enough, I feel TOTALLY comfortable around him. Almost too much...to the point where I almost burped in front of him (it would have been loooouuuuud if I had! ) but I caught myself because I realized a split second before that he's not just Joe Schmoe Buddy. I think I get so nervous about snoring (I do sometimes ) that I almost will myself not to sleep, or try to make myself sleep without snoring (which I'm pretty sure is impossible). He slept perfectly fine the first night, I was actually jealous. Later, I let it slip that he snored a little that night. He seemed a little embarrassed, and asked why I didn't wake him up or move him to get him to stop. Now he can't sleep either. Huh? So the guy can't snore? Wow. Good luck with that one!
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Guess you're not compatible with them either! I mean seriously, are you kidding me? You're like what...almost 30? Do you think you should be able to sleep with another woman? What are you pre-teens at a slumber party? Come ON! I'm sorry, I'm not following you? There are occasions when I sleep in a room with a female friend. It's true. What's wrong with that? In addition, if your position has any weight - that you can only sleep with those you're comfortable with - than I should be able to sleep around my best female friends. I can't - I have difficulty then too. I don't think your condescension is warranted.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Huh? So the guy can't snore? Wow. Good luck with that one! Again, I'm not understanding your point. Please clarify.
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I'm sorry, I'm not following you? There are occasions when I sleep in a room with a female friend. It's true. What's wrong with that? In addition, if your position has any weight - that you can only sleep with those you're comfortable with - than I should be able to sleep around my best female friends. I can't - I have difficulty then too. I don't think your condescension is warranted. No condescension meant, dear. I just think it's weird at your age to sleep with other females. In my opinion, you should feel weird about that. Color me crazy!
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Again, I'm not understanding your point. Please clarify. As for this, I'll be happy to clarify. You're WAY TOO PICKY. Was that clear enough? Because I don't know of any guy over 30 who doesn't snore! Superficial, anyone?
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 No condescension meant, dear. I just think it's weird at your age to sleep with other females. In my opinion, you should feel weird about that. Color me crazy! I may be a over a decade younger than you, but I'm not dumb. I don't feel weird, and won't, regardless of what you think. I still take vacations with female friends, and unless it's on someone else's dime, we don't get separate rooms. I'm sorry you take such issue with that.
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I may be a over a decade younger than you, but I'm not dumb. I don't feel weird, and won't, regardless of what you think. I still take vacations with female friends, and unless it's on someone else's dime, we don't get separate rooms. I'm sorry you take such issue with that. No issue at all with it, SG. I just think it's weird. Sorry.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 As for this, I'll be happy to clarify. You're WAY TOO PICKY. Was that clear enough? Because I don't know of any guy over 30 who doesn't snore! Superficial, anyone? Please explain how I said his snoring was unacceptable, a dealbreaker, or otherwise upsetting to me. I didn't. I said he snored, I told him he did. I was jealous that he was able to sleep, because...well, I like to sleep. His snoring was not, and is not, an issue for me. Him finding out (and presumably finding out from me, as opposed to someone else) that he snores seemed to make him a little nervous, and therefore might be the cause of his difficulty sleeping, just as nervousness about snoring is likely the culprit in my case. Sheesh, read into things much?
Author Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 No issue at all with it, SG. I just think it's weird. Sorry. No need to apologize. I really don't care what you think about it one way or the other.
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Please explain how I said his snoring was unacceptable, a dealbreaker, or otherwise upsetting to me. I didn't. Later, I let it slip that he snored a little that night. He seemed a little embarrassed, I said he snored, I told him he did. I was jealous that he was able to sleep, because...well, I like to sleep. His snoring was not, and is not, an issue for me. Him finding out (and presumably finding out from me, as opposed to someone else) that he snores seemed to make him a little nervous, and therefore might be the cause of his difficulty sleeping, just as nervousness about snoring is likely the culprit in my case. Huh? So you're nervous that HE will snore or that YOU will snore? I don't get it. Sheesh, read into things much? Uhm, not really. Project much? This all seems pretty petty to me..no offense. Of course you don't care what I think. Do you even care what your guy thinks? Just asking.
marlena Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Star, This is fairly common. It happens to me all the time when I really like someone a lot. It also happens to me when I am sleeping at a friend's house or in a hotel room with my best friends on vacation. I think it is mainly due to the fact that I am used to having my own sleeping space. I live alone and enjoy the privacy. When I am forced to sleep with others, I am uptight because I am simply not used to it. It happens with boyfriends, too. And if he snores it's even worse as I am a fidgety and light sleeper. Plus the excitement factor and the novelty of a new relationship. I think it just takes time to adjust,that's all. I wouldn't worry about it.
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Marlena's right. Just accept not being able to sleep with others. I wouldn't worry about it either.
marlena Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Just accept not being able to sleep with others. To clarify, accept that it takes time to adjust to the new situation.
Touche Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 To clarify, accept that it takes time to adjust to the new situation. OH, yeah. Of course. That's what I meant too.
flc Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Star, This is fairly common. I think it is mainly due to the fact that I am used to having my own sleeping space. I live alone and enjoy the privacy. When I am forced to sleep with others, I am uptight because I am simply not used to it. Same here, you get use to sleeping alone, the sounds you're use to, the bed your in and how you move around in it. When you meet someone new and start sleeping with them it takes a while to get comfortable with the change of having someone next to you, the additional movement and noises. Perfectly natural, happens to me too.
Lishy Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 When you have has this problem before with other guys, were you eventually able to fall to sleep or did you never sleep until you split up? I have no problem falling to sleep with a guy in my bed, I have never had a guy in my bed that I dont feel comfortable with so maybe on a deeper level you feel uncomfortable with him in some way? or worried about what you may do (snore, fart in your sleep, sleep talk)
Lauriebell82 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I had trouble sleeping with my boyfriend when I first started dating him. I was used to sleeping alone, and having someone else in my bed rustling around was distracting for me. He is a restless sleeper as well, so he tosses and turns a lot throughout the night. When I began sleeping with him every night (after we moved in together) I got more used to it. Ironically, now I have trouble sleeping WITHOUT him. When he went to Vegas it felt sooooo weird sleeping by myself..I really missed him. You will get used to it again, believe me.
hotgurl Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 SG, it took me a while to get comfortable sleeping with my BF. I have problems sleeping anyways and it is just worst when I am away from home or with a new person. etc.. Also I don't think it is weird you sleep with your GFs. I do the same thing we go on a girls' vacation together and split a hotel room. Why pay twice as much?
Recommended Posts