Sudden Epiphany About being friends with ex

[NWSTRT2121]

So about a week ago an old ex of mine sent me a msg on livejournal saying she still looked at some of my entries and said i shouldn't be so hard on myself and that she wanted me to succeed in my goals and wanted to give our friendship another try and I reluctantly said yes.

 

The history of us has been pretty rocky. We dated back in high school(im a sophomore in college now). the r-ship didnt work out didnt hear from her for a long time after that. Then about 7 months ago, she contacted me b/c she was going thru her contacts and saw my # in her phone still and contacted me. We started talking again and almost started dating again, but I just wasn't ready for an r-ship and to make a long story short i over-reacted to something minor she did one night, things went downhill, we tried just the friend thing that wasn't going too well and then one day she told me not to contact her anymore.

 

so for some reason today as i have many times in the past wit her i got upset that it took her hours to respond to one of my texts. after i sent her a text inquiring why she hadn't responded to mine, she replied and said she had class all night and I told her that's a bs execuse that she had class for 4 hours straight and didnt have one sec just to tell me she couldnt txt and say she was busy. we got in an argument about it and after a few more txts she finally clarified the situation and said she had work on top of that and fell asleep cuz she was sick and that she hadnt texted anyone back including her bf all evening.

 

Then i came to an epiphany for my irrational tirade on her and blowups in the past. I am much happier and more busy than I was back when we were last friends. These days I consider myself a pretty understanding compassionate person and I was trying to figure out why I would get so mad over something so stupid.

 

The reason i think I have these high unrealistic expectations out of this ex as a friend is because when she was my gf, she was extremely loyal and always there for me whenever i needed her. I guess for some reason i expected her to be exactly like that now only this time just not in a gf role, but a friend role. I explained this to her that this wasn't fair to her, told her i was sorry and asked her to txt me sometime to talk about this more when she was free at some point. I haven't heard back, she is probably sick of me by now, and I don't blame her.

 

i guess i just feel better coming to this conclusion, not so irrationally angry and p.o'd like I was earlier. If she chooses to continue the friendship I'm curious to see if these blowup episodies I have will go away now that I think I understand why I act the way I do. If they continue however, I think I'll just tell her this isn't healthy being friends and that it's not going to work. Anyway just wanted to see what other LS folks thought, Chris

[Sysyphus28]

So about a week ago an old ex of mine sent me a msg on livejournal saying she still looked at some of my entries and said i shouldn't be so hard on myself and that she wanted me to succeed in my goals and wanted to give our friendship another try and I reluctantly said yes.

 

The history of us has been pretty rocky. We dated back in high school(im a sophomore in college now). the r-ship didnt work out didnt hear from her for a long time after that. Then about 7 months ago, she contacted me b/c she was going thru her contacts and saw my # in her phone still and contacted me. We started talking again and almost started dating again, but I just wasn't ready for an r-ship and to make a long story short i over-reacted to something minor she did one night, things went downhill, we tried just the friend thing that wasn't going too well and then one day she told me not to contact her anymore.

 

so for some reason today as i have many times in the past wit her i got upset that it took her hours to respond to one of my texts. after i sent her a text inquiring why she hadn't responded to mine, she replied and said she had class all night and I told her that's a bs execuse that she had class for 4 hours straight and didnt have one sec just to tell me she couldnt txt and say she was busy. we got in an argument about it and after a few more txts she finally clarified the situation and said she had work on top of that and fell asleep cuz she was sick and that she hadnt texted anyone back including her bf all evening.

 

Then i came to an epiphany for my irrational tirade on her and blowups in the past. I am much happier and more busy than I was back when we were last friends. These days I consider myself a pretty understanding compassionate person and I was trying to figure out why I would get so mad over something so stupid.

 

The reason i think I have these high unrealistic expectations out of this ex as a friend is because when she was my gf, she was extremely loyal and always there for me whenever i needed her. I guess for some reason i expected her to be exactly like that now only this time just not in a gf role, but a friend role. I explained this to her that this wasn't fair to her, told her i was sorry and asked her to txt me sometime to talk about this more when she was free at some point. I haven't heard back, she is probably sick of me by now, and I don't blame her.

 

i guess i just feel better coming to this conclusion, not so irrationally angry and p.o'd like I was earlier. If she chooses to continue the friendship I'm curious to see if these blowup episodies I have will go away now that I think I understand why I act the way I do. If they continue however, I think I'll just tell her this isn't healthy being friends and that it's not going to work. Anyway just wanted to see what other LS folks thought, Chris

 

This happened to me too. After she broke up with me when I called or texted I sometimes wouldn't get a call back at all. She had never done this to me before. I wasn't used to being a "friend". Being friends with an ex is for the birds! You get used to be treated good and like you matter then...you DEMOTED to a friend...........who gets barely the same effort as before. It is bogus....and frankly, now that I havn't been with my ex I realize how my blinders were on for this girl.

I wasn't even paying attention to her pulling away from me.

I had to play super-sleuth after we broke up and I found out all her plots and schemes..........she wanted to play victim, and she did not want deal with the consequences of her crap behavior.

Nice friend.