raiderman75 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 hello im new to the forum,I may ramble and i apologize for that but here is my situation.I am a 33 yr old male From RI,she is a 31 yr old female,Ive known who she was,my whole life(grew up in the same town), in 97 i REALLY met her at a party and we clicked instantly.Unfortunately,she was with my childhood friend(he and I had not hung around since we were 12) and i was moving away to a job in kansas.I forgot about her within days and moved to kansas. In 2000 I moved back home and this guy contacted me to go for drinks with him and her(they had been together since I left and were now engaged).While having a few drinks she confessed to me that she had been in love with me since that party in 97 and was only with him because I was gone.I slept at there house That night and she snuck into the livingroom in the night and we kissed and talked.At this point I had no interest other than attention but i was also feeling bad for my friend.We saw eachother (secretly)for a week or so,She became possesive of me and borderline stalking(notes etc etc) that along with my guilt and I broke it off. Then a couple of yrs later their relationship was falling apart,and again we ended up seeing eachother at the same spot one night.Her obsession with me really drew me to her,I could not believe someone would like me this much.She was smart,pretty and ambitious.We were GF/BF within months.About 2 yrs in I saw how unsecure she was with herself and she had no friends, I was her life.this created alot of pressure on me and I became "not so nice" to her,pushing her away unconsciously and taking her for granted.Another 2 yrs later she started a new job,I found out she was seeing a guy from work and went beserk,she begged me to take her back and i did. Our relationship got better and we got closer as i truly began to accept and love her.She went back to college to be a nurse and I paid for school and her day to day needs,our sex life suffered during her constant studying(1 1/2 yrs no sex) but i thought it would change when she was done with school and we stillhad a strong friendship. Last june(07) she finished school and started working at a hospital and I also got a great job. So we took the big leap and moved in together in sept 07,we still had not had sex and were basically hanging on to the fact we were best friends,I yearned for more and now wanted to somehow end this but did not want to hurt her,so i hung in believing our love would see it through.But i also did not trust her and in turn treated her at a distance. Flash forward to june and still no sex,i loved her but something was missing,i looked but found no one.Then it all started.She began to get her nails done,tanning,new clothes etc etc I knew something was going on deep in my heart so my shield went up.I began to want her again and we had sex for the first time in 2 yrs,she seemed completely uninterested which made me want her more. One night in august I got up to go to the bathroom and her phone was flashing,i looked and there were emails,text,from a guy she works with,they were obviously in an intense relationship.I was devasted and went nuts.Itold her she had to move out asap,which she did 3 wks ago. We still talked the first 2weeks (because of me).this past saturday she wanted to come by so our dogs could see each other,because they have known eachother since we have and she felt they needed eachother.We talked for a few hours and this is basically what she said......I'll always love you,I need to still see you,we were meant to be together,the dogs need eachother,i feel bad for whoever im with because they will always be second to you etc etc.I told her we needed to stop seein eachother she reluctantly agreed.About 10 mins after she left i called her to say I too needed to see her still. Here is where im an idiot,she did not answer so i tried again and again.Than by the 3rd time i checked her messages(i knew her password) and my heart was destroyed again when I heard this"hey sugar im on my way there,talk to you soon,LOVEYA"All the pain i had worked to get rid of came back 10 fold.I went nuts calling him and her leaving nasty messages.I told her she needed to get the rest of her **** before i burned it,no return call till sunday.She came by sunday and got her **** and said the same crap as before but i told her to get out of my life. On monday at work i started to realize how much of a horrible bf i was,insensitive,unromantic, I had pushed her away i mean come on almost 8 yrs and no ring?no emotion,no adoration for her?My own defense had pushed her away.I called her last night and apologized for how i was, i mean really apologized. Not to get her back but because i was really sorry she said she knew we would always be together someday but not now. It is tuesday and i have not contacted her and she has not contacted me and i feel horrible...imagining her with him laughing,having sex,sharing what we once had and i am devastated.Help what do i do?is this my fault? Im sure some of it is,im so hurt i just want things to go back to normal.But do i really want her back?Did she say all that crap to make me feel better?were we meant to be together?i mean thats along time to just GIVE UP.If i knew what i knew now i would treat her the way she deserved to be treated and let go of my own distrust.Or was i right?I miss her badly,a gf from work tells me i just need to walk away and keep no contact and she will come back?Will she?This is what ive done our whole relationship?Isnt that why she left?Im so confused I thought we would be together our whole life>HELP! what do i do?ladies?men in the same boat?
Treasa Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I'm sorry, but I don't get why you want her back! Let's see...You said she was: 1. Obsessed 2. Distant sexually 3. Cheating (on both your friend and then you) 4. Insecure Is this really the kind of woman you want to be with? Take my advice and run away from this mess as fast as you can. And spend some time alone getting your head straight. I think this has really done a number on you.
SRV Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Sorry for the hurt and pain that you are feeling. Please go through this forum and read some of the threads, they will help you through what you are now faced with. RULE # 1, DO NOT CONTACT HER ANYMORE, you will learn that here fast and furious. Please run, and very far away from her. I was in a similar situation, you cannot force someone to love you, she has broken the trust, once that is gone there is no way to gain that back. Focus on healing, you will go through the phases: denial, hope, anger, self-remorse, acceptance, anger - best bet is to move on and start the healing process now. Check the forum for Cali Guy's "No Contact Guide", you will need it. Best of luck.
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