smile711 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 A little ego-boost, if that's what you would like to call it, but I caught my xMM checking me out today. We work in the same mall and we have been NC for 45 days (!). He works near Starbucks and I refuse to stop going there if I need a caffeine boost occasionally. I always walk quickly by and never look in to where he works. Today, on my way back, I caught a glimpse of his reflection in a store window and he was staring at me the whole time. HA! Hope he was mentally kicking himself and realizing what he let get away! Needless to say, I went on to have a wonderful night at work and I didn't even cry. Progress, I guess! Once again, I don't want him to see me and feel bad for me-I want him to see me and realize what an idiot he was to let someone like me get away! I am timidly talking to a few (single) guys and I am going to a wedding this weekend where it would be nice to meet someone or at least talk to someone to make me feel like I have a chance of being in a normal relationship eventually! Hope the xMM wonders what I'm up to-he was always possessive (funny for someone who went home to a wife every day!) and worried that I would meet someone. The little evil person who still lurks inside (I know, I know, I'm trying to get rid of her but she will only shrink a little every day!) hopes that he tosses and turns and thinks about me with someone else. LET IT EAT AWAY AT HIM! LIFE GOES ON!
Lizzie60 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Good for you.. (for getting over him).. but methink you're doing the exact same thing you are accusing him of doing...
Reggie Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Rather than regretting his decision to get out of the affair, let's hope he's figured out what is messed up inside of him that let him go down that path of deceit and cruelty to his spouse. And, rather than hoping he feels regret, you should try to figure out why you felt you could do no better than a married liar for a romantic partner.
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 It may have been an ego boost, but it also warmed your heart and in your mind you broke NC because you 'thought' about this and tried to figure out what he was thinking... Who knows what he is thinking and honestly, you shouldn't care. Bottomline is, he's OUT of your life.
Author smile711 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 I'm in counseling and doing more reading than I have ever done in my life to figure out the reasons why I put myself in that situation. If you read my "Letter to xMM" thread, I really think that you would see that I am in a much better place than I was 8 weeks ago. Am I curious about him and what is going on in his life now? Sure I am. I'm human, not a robot, and he was a part of my life for over 2 years. However, I am still on the long road to recovery and I have not reached the "Wish Him Well Rest Stop". Eventually, not yet. In my time, when I am ready. If you go back and read any of my previous posts, I think that you will see that I am doing an outstanding job of pulling myself up by the bootstraps and trying to move on. I was in a very low place for a very long time and I am just now starting to see a little light at the end of this tunnel. 45 days of NC and he works down the hall? A little credit for my self-restraint, please!
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Sorry, I didn't mean to poo-poo your NC! You have been doing well!
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