radhi Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hi I am new here but have a HUG problem. will explain in the following segment: History- Current- Problem. History: I met this girl 7 years ago, while i was living in Europe, when we were both going through rough times. we clicked and have been together since. We both spend much time together Although we never moved in with each other, we lived 3 streets from each other. Because of our past we have created a very strong bond. (Un)fortunately I had to move to the Caribbean 3 years for personal and family matters. She stayed behind but came over to visit several periods of time. Sometimes it took 9 gruesome months till we'd see each other again. Last year she cheated on me while home in Europe 1 month before coming over again. I must say in my opinion she has serious commitment issue's. I was furious and hurt, she begged me to give it a try as i am the most important person in her life. So I did (try). After 3 months with me in the Caribbean she had to go home again. Current: Now she is in Africa for work, spending 5 months away from me. she is about to come here in November to me with me for a year. We have a GROUNDrule;' be honest and communicate before you act' Being in the middle of nowhere and due to time differences it is hard to communicate by (cell)phone and internet. BUt we try. Last time I hear from here is 20 days ago. complete radio silence while before we would message or chat every 2-3 days. She went of the map. As I message as a madman trying to reach her, i also mail her. no reply. I decided to call a friend of hers here to see if she heard something. she said, last 4 days ago she mailed her. I was angry and relieved. Suddenly I get a email. She got my mail and replied with: ' hard to have internet connection and took out sim of phone to use local sim'. She also tells me her phone number there. I immediately called. I was very very angry. The phone was my only way i could contact here and she didn't give me a sign of life. I felt something was wrong. she has 1 week left in Africa before moving home to pack to come. I ask her the direct question...... Did you cheat on me? she said yes. don't want tell on phone. She slept with this African there a couple of times recently. I was upset and hurt. she wants to talk about it when she's back in Europe. has feelings and is confused. Problem: What must i Do? i love her but feel betrayed as this is her second time.She said that dark skin isn't her type. ( proved me wrong on that!)she broke the groundrule, communicate before acting.This is my weak spot and haven't slept nor eaten in 2 days.she still thinks about coming over here.i am confused. very confused.what must I do? try again? break it of? anyone out there can help? Radhi
crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Hi I am new here but have a HUG problem. will explain in the following segment: History- Current- Problem. History: I met this girl 7 years ago, while i was living in Europe, when we were both going through rough times. we clicked and have been together since. We both spend much time together Although we never moved in with each other, we lived 3 streets from each other. Because of our past we have created a very strong bond. (Un)fortunately I had to move to the Caribbean 3 years for personal and family matters. She stayed behind but came over to visit several periods of time. Sometimes it took 9 gruesome months till we'd see each other again. Last year she cheated on me while home in Europe 1 month before coming over again. I must say in my opinion she has serious commitment issue's. I was furious and hurt, she begged me to give it a try as i am the most important person in her life. So I did (try). After 3 months with me in the Caribbean she had to go home again. Current: Now she is in Africa for work, spending 5 months away from me. she is about to come here in November to me with me for a year. We have a GROUNDrule;' be honest and communicate before you act' Being in the middle of nowhere and due to time differences it is hard to communicate by (cell)phone and internet. BUt we try. Last time I hear from here is 20 days ago. complete radio silence while before we would message or chat every 2-3 days. She went of the map. As I message as a madman trying to reach her, i also mail her. no reply. I decided to call a friend of hers here to see if she heard something. she said, last 4 days ago she mailed her. I was angry and relieved. Suddenly I get a email. She got my mail and replied with: ' hard to have internet connection and took out sim of phone to use local sim'. She also tells me her phone number there. I immediately called. I was very very angry. The phone was my only way i could contact here and she didn't give me a sign of life. I felt something was wrong. she has 1 week left in Africa before moving home to pack to come. I ask her the direct question...... Did you cheat on me? she said yes. don't want tell on phone. She slept with this African there a couple of times recently. I was upset and hurt. she wants to talk about it when she's back in Europe. has feelings and is confused. Problem: What must i Do? i love her but feel betrayed as this is her second time.She said that dark skin isn't her type. ( proved me wrong on that!)she broke the groundrule, communicate before acting.This is my weak spot and haven't slept nor eaten in 2 days.she still thinks about coming over here.i am confused. very confused.what must I do? try again? break it of? anyone out there can help? Radhi I was raised to not give your heart away to someone unless youre together for life. That means, if my fiance turned abusive, I'd seek counseling with him. If he spent too much time playing video games, I'd talk to him about it. And so on and so forth. And if he cheated on me, I would stay. On one condition- I can only take so much. If he were to cheat, he'd have to repent, ask for forgiveness, and never do it again. Plain and simple. If he were to cheat over and over, we'd be through. I say that because biblically speaking, thats the only time God says its ok to divorce your wife or husband. It doesn't matter if you don't believe in all that. my point is this- God himself says you should leave someone if they cheat on you multiple times. Not over anything else, only cheating over and over. My point is this. If the bible itself says you should stick with your lover for everything except continuous disloyalty, I say you should leave her. Cheating is serious. It means she's seeking something more than what you can give her. Which is wrong. You sound wonderful for staying with her the first time. But if she's willing to do it again... It's better to cut it off now. i can't even imagine how much pain you're in, but I can guarantee you others on this forum will say the same thing.
i11 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 To break up with her or to stay with the one who has been cheating on you twice, neither choice is less painful than the other. If you do really think she would cheat again in the future, just rip the band-aid off quickly, break-up pain in a short period, and you deserve someone better.
Author radhi Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Thank you for replying to my post. i am also sorry i made the mistake to post my grief several times( tony) wasn't thinkinfg. emotions to much. even now. she send me a tekst today. telling me not to worry. she's oke. what the hell? lots of pain.
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