deeperthan Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 First off I want to say that I am a decent man. We all have our issues, me included. I consider myself an aware and conscious person, having done lots of personal growth work. I treat everyone with respect, talk politely to others, I never raise my voice or get angry, I try to help wherever I can, essentially trying to make this a better world to live in. My girlfriend (I’ll call her R.G.) and I had been together for 9.5 months (Mar- Dec 07). She is also a very conscious, aware woman, who has also done lots of personal growth work and a student of psychology. During the fall of 2007, I felt, in my opinion, that my girlfriend had been rude to me a number of times and I started to feel rejected and hurt. Later I would come to understand that my own unresolved issues were partially affecting me. In September 07, a colleague (I’ll call her M.E.) at work told me that she had liked me for the past 4 years. Needless to say I was very flattered and had some sexual encounters with her (Oct - Dec 07). Within a month I had to tell (partly because she asked why I didn't invite her to my place, or go to her place) my colleague that I had a girlfriend, but that we weren’t getting along. I couldn’t get over my hurt I felt and eventually my girlfriend verbally ended our relationship mid December. All the while I had been talking frequently every day, on a continual basis with my colleague and we started seeing each other right away. By March/April I realized I had a mistake in getting involved with my colleague. My ex-girlfriend was back and forth out of the country and remained my roommate. In May my colleague, now new girlfriend (M.E.) called and text messaged my ex-girlfriend (R.G.), telling her some truths and some lies, hoping to get my ex to hate me. The blow up and repercussions were big – everyone getting hurt by this. Eventually my ex-girlfriend (R.G.) and I were able to talk about it all and have been healing from these revelations – essentially that I was seeing my colleague (M.E.) while I was still with my then girlfriend (R.G.) in the fall/winter of 2007. Things ended between my colleague (M.E.) and me in May 07. The end of June came and I was off work for the summer months. My colleague (M.E.) started calling me, stalking me, showing up at my apartment, while my roommate/ex-girlfriend (R.G.) was here, which again caused upset for all of us. Things seemed to calm down a bit by mid August. Then my colleague asked me to drive her to the airport and again she started calling me incessantly. I was not entirely honest with her, in that I didn’t tell her that I didn’t want to be involved with her. She was hurt and dealt with it by the stalking me, calling me off and on throughout the day and night, and buzzing my doorbell until I would come out and talk to her. During that time my ex-girlfriend (R.G.) and I started hanging out - doing things together, enjoying each other's company, including being intimate. She (R.G.) was here and felt hurt that I couldn’t get this other woman (my colleague M.E.) out of our lives. I knew that my colleague (M.E.) and I would be back to work in September and I wanted to keep the PEACE and that was all! Things cooled off again for about 10 - 14 days with my colleague (M.E.), but R.G. and I kinda started seeing each other and she was triggered and hurt when my colleague (M.E.) called incessantly, stalked me/us and showed up at my apartment throughout the summer. Then I started work in September. My colleague (M.E.) and I saw/see each other every day, and I was just waiting for the shoe to drop again. I knew it was just a matter of time before R.G. would be accusing me of something with my colleague. But about 8 - 10 days ago, R. G. told me that she knows that I see my colleague (M.E.) everyday at work. She mentioned that all she asks is that I am honest and open about how I feel and what I do in regards to my colleague (M.E.). Throughout the summer I did NOT discourage my colleague from calling me and acting the way she did - again, because I was just trying to keep the peace! I assured R.G. that I am NO longer interested in my colleague (M.E.). My colleague (M.E.) has been increasingly friendly, wanting to talk at work. I know she wants to get back together with me. At first I did NOT tell her that R.G. and are seeing each other again - because I didn’t want to cause any more problems. I hadn’t mentioned to R.G. that I see/saw my colleague every day because I didn’t want to upset her. On Monday I came home with a headache, upset because my colleague got angry at me when I didn’t return her calls or text messages from the weekend. She told me that she just wanted to be my friend now. I told her that my ex and I are back together. My girlfriend asked me what was wrong and dragged it out of me. I didn’t want her to know anything because it triggers her hurt from the betrayal. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I told her that my colleague was mad at me because I did not respond to her text messages and phone calls over the weekend. My girlfriend told me that she knew my colleague had changed her cell number and been calling me and text messaging me as early as mid last week. So she asked me why I lied. That upset me because the calls and text messages exchanged between my colleague and I last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were insignificant to me and I honestly forgot about them. I want to keep the peace at my workplace and don’t like it when I feel like I have to explain every contact with my colleague to my girlfriend. I had been single for quite sometime when I met R.G. and wanted the fairy tale romance. I was disappointed and am having a hard time getting over the disappointment. Consequently, I don't tell R.G. that I love her, nor am I really affectionate, or tell her that I see a possible future together, because I don't want any more repercussions, blame and accusations. I would appreciate any comments or suggestions. Thank-You.
Geishawhelk Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 You've copied and pasted this from somewhere else, haven't you? We can tell by all the typo fonts and all.....
amymarieca Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 You've copied and pasted this from somewhere else, haven't you? We can tell by all the typo fonts and all..... I have a feeling he typed it in Microsoft Word first so that it wouldn't get erased. The post is rather long and if you spend too much time typing you can lose everything because it will log you off automatically.
Geishawhelk Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Yeh. I guess. It also depends on how up-to-date your PC is and whether there's a posting memory.... it sucks when that happens though, huh.......?
Author deeperthan Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 thanks for the note ... yes, I did type it in word ... as the string suggests ... doesn't anyone have anything better to tell me, than that I have a bunch of typos? ~smile~
Geishawhelk Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Sorry, yes. Tell Human resources at work that this person is making your life unbearable and is not helping to create an atmosphere at work conducive to productivity. keep a careful record of everything she does, and try to make sure you have witnesses. Whatever e-mails, texts or messages she sends you - keep them They're ammunition. Tell HR that this is creating a lot of problems for you and that you need their help to stop it. If necessary, investigate being able at some point to have a no contact order slapped on her. If she violates it, she'll be in big trouble.
Recommended Posts