deeperthan Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 [FONT=Calibri]First off I want to say that I am a decent man. We all have our issues, me included. I consider myself an aware and conscious person. I treat everyone with respect, talk politely to others, I never raise my voice or get angry, I try to help wherever I can, essentially trying to make this a better world to live in. My girlfriend (I’ll call her R.G.) and I had been together for 7 months (Mar- Sept 07). She is also a very conscious, aware woman, who has done lots of personal growth work. During the fall of 2007, I felt that my girlfriend had been rude to me a number of times and I started to feel rejected and hurt. Later I would come to understand that some of my own unresolved issues were affecting me and the hurt I felt was triggered from an accumulation of years in the past. And I admit that when she asked me to help out in the apartment at the end of September, with the chores, I decided I wanted to live alone and have my apartment back to myself. In September 07, a colleague (I’ll call her M.E.) at work told me that she had liked me for the past 4 years. Needless to say I was flattered and had sexual encounters with her (Oct - Dec 07). Within a month I had to tell my colleague that I had a girlfriend and that we weren’t getting along. I couldn’t get over my hurt and eventually my girlfriend ended our relationship mid December. All the while I was talking frequently, every day, on a continual basis with my colleague and we started seeing each other right away. Within a few months I realized I had a mistake in getting involved with my colleague. My ex-girlfriend was back and forth out of the country and remained my roommate. In May my colleague, now new girlfriend (M.E.) called and text messaged my ex-girlfriend (R.G.), telling her some truths and some lies, hoping to get my ex to hate me. The blow up and repercussions were big – everyone getting hurt by this. Eventually my ex-girlfriend and I were able to talk about it all and have been healing from these revelations – essentially that I was seeing my colleague while I was still with my ex-girlfriend in the fall/winter of 2007. Things ended between my colleague and I in May 07. The end of June came and I was off work for the summer months. Then my colleague started calling me, stalking me, showing up at my apartment, while my roommate/ex-girlfriend was here, which again caused upset for all of us. My ex and I were kinda hanging out and enjoying being together. Things seemed to calm down a bit mid August. Then immediately my colleague called and asked me to drive her to the airport and again she started calling me incessantly while she was away. I was not entirely honest with her, in that I didn’t tell her that I didn’t want to be involved with her. She was hurt and dealt with it by the stalking, calling and buzzing my doorbell until I would come out and talk to her. During that time my ex-girlfriend and I started kinda seeing each other again. She (R.G.) was here and felt hurt that I couldn’t get this other woman out of our lives. I knew that my colleague and I would be back to work in September and I wanted to keep the PEACE and that was all! Things cooled off for 10 - 14 days with my colleague, but my girlfriend was triggered and really hurt when my colleague called incessantly, stalked me/us and showed up at my apartment over the summer. Then I started work in September. My colleague and I saw/see each other every day, and I was just waiting for the shoe to drop again. I believed that my girlfriend would accuse me of something with my colleague - it was just a matter of time. My colleague started talking to me and I knew she wanted to get back together. At first I did NOT tell her - that my ex and I got back together because I didn’t want to cause any more problems. I hadn’t mentioned to my girlfriend that I see/saw my colleague every day because I didn’t want to upset her. We (my girlfriend and I) did wind up talking about it a week ago and my girlfriend said that she knew that I see my colleague everyday at work, but that she is not worried. She told me just to be honest and open with her about things with my colleague. On Monday I came home with a headache, upset because my colleague got angry at me when I didn’t return her calls or text messages from the weekend. She told me that she just wanted to be my friend now. I told her that my ex and I are back together. My girlfriend asked me what was wrong and dragged it out of me. I didn’t want her to know anything because it triggers her hurt from the betrayal. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I told her that my colleague was mad at me because I did not respond to her text messages and phone calls over the weekend. My girlfriend told me that she knew my colleague had changed her cell number and been calling me and text messaging me as early as mid last week. So she asked me why I lied. That upset me because the calls and text messages exchanged between my colleague and I last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were insignificant to me and I honestly forgot about them. I want to keep the peace at my workplace and don’t like it when I feel like I have to explain every contact with my colleague to my girlfriend. I have absolutely no interest in my colleague. I have not told my girlfriend that I love her or that I even want a future together because I just don't want to have something go wrong again and her tell me that I lied to her, or strung her along, or used her. I have been disillusioned because even though I know relationships are NOT perfect, I expected mine to be! I would appreciate any comments or suggestions. Thank-You. [/FONT]
Recommended Posts