survivingcollege Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Okay so I did NC for a week after my guy of a year dumped me, but then broke down a few days ago and called him. We ended up talking for four hours (til 4am!) and having the best conversation ever. Since that day I have only talked to him when he messages me on MSN first, and I've kept the conversation very light and brief. Well today, he sent me this text message out of nowhere - I haven't texted him once since the breakup: "Remember when I attacked you on your pontoon boat before we were going out" He's talking about when we FIRST hooked up. What should I do?? I'm so happy that he texted me but I want him to keep texting me like this. I'm worried if I never write back he'll be hurt and never bother with it again/give up. I already let it slip a few days ago that I want him back. Also.. what does he want? What does this mean?? Advice please! At this point I have said nothing. Thanks!
northstar1 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Okay so I did NC for a week after my guy of a year dumped me, but then broke down a few days ago and called him. We ended up talking for four hours (til 4am!) and having the best conversation ever. Since that day I have only talked to him when he messages me on MSN first, and I've kept the conversation very light and brief. Well today, he sent me this text message out of nowhere - I haven't texted him once since the breakup: "Remember when I attacked you on your pontoon boat before we were going out" He's talking about when we FIRST hooked up. What should I do?? I'm so happy that he texted me but I want him to keep texting me like this. I'm worried if I never write back he'll be hurt and never bother with it again/give up. I already let it slip a few days ago that I want him back. Also.. what does he want? What does this mean?? Advice please! At this point I have said nothing. Thanks! Sounds like there are still feelings on both sides. Why did he breakup with you in the first place?
konfuzd Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 He just wants to make sure you're still on the line as a backup. If that were me, I would text him back and say something like, "I remember, but I also remember we're broken up, so please don't contact me as I'm trying to move on." Let him know it's not okay to keep contacting you, then proceed with NC. Ignore anything he says after that and get on with life.
Author survivingcollege Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Sounds like there are still feelings on both sides. Why did he breakup with you in the first place? He broke up with me because he said that he didn't feel the same anymore. We had just gone back to doing long distance after the summer, since our universities are 2 hours apart. After our phone conversation on Sunday, he said that he does miss me and he will always have feelings for me and that a part of him will always want me, etc etc.. so it gave me a bit of hope, maybe it was false hope though. But now, after this text, I'm not so sure. He knows i am coming home this weekend for thanksgiving (my home is fifteen minutes from him), so I keep hoping he will want to see me.
Author survivingcollege Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 He just wants to make sure you're still on the line as a backup. If that were me, I would text him back and say something like, "I remember, but I also remember we're broken up, so please don't contact me as I'm trying to move on." Let him know it's not okay to keep contacting you, then proceed with NC. Ignore anything he says after that and get on with life. If I were that set on moving on, I wouldn't even be thinking about the text.. I really want him back, so just telling him off like that is hard for me to do right now.
Steelrain21 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I'd be a little hesitant to have him in your life if your feelings are still strong for him. If he doesn't ever want to get back together I can promise you that you're in for a very miserable ride, it happened to me. I think you should go back to NC under the agreement that you'll only contact each other when either one of you feels like you 100% want to make things work. He'll either come back or you'll move on, so you're going to win either way in the end.
Lishy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Stay saying nothing If he wants you back he has to try harder! Dont make the mistake I made and let him back in too quick, you get no respect and the problems remain Let him work to get you back to then he may appreciate what he has!
Author survivingcollege Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Stay saying nothing If he wants you back he has to try harder! Dont make the mistake I made and let him back in too quick, you get no respect and the problems remain Let him work to get you back to then he may appreciate what he has! I definitely will make him work if he wants me back, but I don't know that that's what his text message meant just yet! I'm just confused I guess.. if he broke up with me then why would he text me with old memories to get me to miss him?? As if I need any help with that, yeesh.
Lishy Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 You know why he said that I had a water leak a few months ago and my ex text me "has your floor dried out ok?" WTF??????????? Men are weird
Author survivingcollege Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 You know why he said that I had a water leak a few months ago and my ex text me "has your floor dried out ok?" WTF??????????? Men are weird LOL that is weird Men.. I just feel like this is the first time he's reached out to me since it happened.. I don't want to shoot him down for showing he misses me. But I do if it will help him want me back more, haha. Bah.
konfuzd Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 If I were that set on moving on, I wouldn't even be thinking about the text.. I really want him back, so just telling him off like that is hard for me to do right now. Regardless of what you want, he decided he doesn't want to be with you. You will never face this reality if you keep having these fantasies of getting back with him. He knows you. He knows that his texts are getting into your head, and it's giving him an ego boost. It's giving him power. He already knows you want him back. If that's what he wanted, he'd have said that instead of playing games with you. He wants to be in control, keep you thinking sweet thoughts of him, so that if he doesn't find someone else, he always has you on the back burner. What good are these texts doing for you? Giving you false hope? Keeping you tied to the past? You may not want to move on, but unless his texts say 100% of him wants you back, you're going to end up living in a fantasy world, always hoping for him to come back, but facing the constant rejection each time he texts you sweet nothings.
Author survivingcollege Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Regardless of what you want, he decided he doesn't want to be with you. You will never face this reality if you keep having these fantasies of getting back with him. He knows you. He knows that his texts are getting into your head, and it's giving him an ego boost. It's giving him power. He already knows you want him back. If that's what he wanted, he'd have said that instead of playing games with you. He wants to be in control, keep you thinking sweet thoughts of him, so that if he doesn't find someone else, he always has you on the back burner. What good are these texts doing for you? Giving you false hope? Keeping you tied to the past? You may not want to move on, but unless his texts say 100% of him wants you back, you're going to end up living in a fantasy world, always hoping for him to come back, but facing the constant rejection each time he texts you sweet nothings. You think it gives him power to tell me he misses me? I think that if I don't respond he will feel like an idiot.. thus giving me power.
konfuzd Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 He's trying to put an image in your head of a good time you two shared, making sure that you have this positive memory in mind. He doesn't want you to be thinking "he's the jerk who dumped me" It's just my opinion, but I think he's trying to make sure you still want him back, so that he can have his freedom for as long as he wants, and if that doesn't work out, he still has you as a backup plan. I've been there more than once. Had a guy constantly telling me he missed me, but wasn't sure what he wanted. A couple weeks later, he had some new broad on his arm and he never contacted me again, even though we were "remaining friends". Another guy did the exact same thing, random texts saying he was craving something from our favorite restaurant, or listening to a band we both loved. The texts stopped as soon as he found out I had a bf.
LoyalGirl Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 He knows i am coming home this weekend for thanksgiving (my home is fifteen minutes from him), so I keep hoping he will want to see me. He's looking to get laid while you're home. If he wants you back, he will move mountains to get you back. Move on...
moby Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I think this is totally a control game for him.. He wants to know you are still going to be there if he wants you back.. He's just testing the waters and seeing if you will respond to the bait in my opinion.. If you do he's still on safe ground in terms of him controlling the situation and it reassures him that anytime he decides he wants you back you are going to be there.. The person above is right if he really wants you back he is going to try a lot harder than a text message.. That been said, I know how hard it is when it is your heart that is being played with, but if you can try to stay away from him then do so, otherwise if you reply to him you might get hurt again but maybe that is what it will take to make you decide you've had enough.. Good luck!
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