PG Love Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I am in a LDR, but still see him every weekend. I feel like I need to talk to him all the time. We usually talk on the way to work, at lunch and in the evening. We also txt all day long and when we take a smoke break we txt to see if the other is busy and we talk on the phone 2-3 times usually during the day outside of the other times. This all seemed to work for both of us until last night. SO said he would call when he got off work, didn't call. I know he was going out for a ride on his motorcycle, but didn't end up calling. I finally called him at 10:00 and he said he was too tired to really talk, we talked about 10 minutes and I hung up ready to cry. I sent him a txt to let him know I was a bit upset and pissed and then he didn't call me this morning. I emailed him to let him know why I felt the way I did and he said I was being too needy. I think he' probably right, but how do I not be so needy? I have no family to turn to to spend time and I have 3 kids but they are only with me every other week so the weeks they aren't here it's horrible. I have one close friend nearby but she has 4 kids and a busy schedule so we don't hang out much. What can I do to occupy my time?
Geishawhelk Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Buy a camera and take up photography. the countryisde is beautiful at this time of year.... Do an on-line proofing course, put your good english to even better use.... Take up painting, writing poetry, get creative....! Then you'll have a whole bunch of stuff to tell him!
Author PG Love Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Thanks for the reply, but no internet at home, just work. Photography is really not my forte LOL. I started a journal of sorts last night and that helps some, but I miss him soooo much that I feel I need to talk to him all the time.
MiniMina Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 This takes some getting used to.. but I used to "take myself out" when my boyfriend and I were doing long distance. I moved to a new place a while ago so I really didn't know anyone or have anyone to hang out with so I would take myself out to a movie, go get my nails done, go out to eat with a good book, etc. At first I felt self conscious, but I felt so much better getting out of the apartment and focusing on me for a while instead of thinking about him all the time that when I got to talk to my boyfriend we had longer, more interesting conversations
crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 This takes some getting used to.. but I used to "take myself out" when my boyfriend and I were doing long distance. I moved to a new place a while ago so I really didn't know anyone or have anyone to hang out with so I would take myself out to a movie, go get my nails done, go out to eat with a good book, etc. At first I felt self conscious, but I felt so much better getting out of the apartment and focusing on me for a while instead of thinking about him all the time that when I got to talk to my boyfriend we had longer, more interesting conversations That sounds like really good advice. It's normal to be clingy in an LDR, and from what I've seen its mostly the girls that are the clingy ones. It's alright, just make sure you don't suffocate him. Hold off on calling him till you really need to, and try to make sure you give him enough time to initiate phone calls. God knows I get really clingy too.
Author PG Love Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 I was thinking more about letting him initiate the phone calls for a while. He can be needy too when he wants to, but I know that I am so I'm trying to back off.
crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I was thinking more about letting him initiate the phone calls for a while. He can be needy too when he wants to, but I know that I am so I'm trying to back off. He probably got so used to YOU initiating most contact that he's forgotten how its liek to be on the other side of things. Try it and see if he gets all clingy right back I'm sure he will
strongertoday Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Part of what makes a LDR such an emotional roller coaster is the MISSING of each other....and while it is obvious you miss him and need lots of communication he doesnt seem to need that much always. I know you dont know what he is thinking but he needs to miss you sometimes to really appreciate you. I had the same issue with my guy and we struck a deal. He would always contact me at night, either call or text (if he was too tired). If he was going out or had other plans he would email. It was the 'touch base' communication. Then if I needed to do the communication thing I would text, not expecting a reply, but I felt happy that I sent him a quote or something funny and he would think of me. I always made sure he woke to a text, and nothing made me happier that the 'rushing from the car to work' quick phone call. Some days if I was really in the mood I texted a dozen times.....but the days I sent none at all you can bet he was on the phone quicker cause he 'missed me'. I know it is hard to hear but the kind of communication you are doing wont be sustainable long term...... go for quality not quantity. I have been where you are tho...I know its hard....HUGS
Author PG Love Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Thank you all for the advice! I broke down and called 1st last night after I put the kids to bed, but he didn't answer. He was out riding, but did give me a call when he got back in. He jokingly asked if he made it under the deadline. I feel horrible that he feels like he has to call me now. We've been doing basically the same routine for about 6 months now and I can't imagine not talking to him at least 2x a day. He will call me if I break routine during the day though if I don't call him at lunchtime. I think he was just in a funk the other night and now we are working our way out of it. We did have a long conversation about what we feel and why we feel the need to sustain so much contact, so that helped.
fabulousgal Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Take some of that energy that is so focused on him and turn it on you!! Do some activities with your kids, read some books, paint, clean, redecorate, take a class, bike ride, power walk, anything..... You say you can't imagine not talking to him twice a day...and you see him on the weekends...the most attractive people are those that take time for themselves and focus not on their partner. Your conversations will become more interesting and meaningful when you share your new passions with him! Your thread is called "How not to be so needy"...all you seem focused on is him and your contact throughout the thread. How not to be so needy, is to reign in your anxious energy and turn it into focused energy on YOU.
Meaplus3 Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I am in a LDR, but still see him every weekend. I feel like I need to talk to him all the time. We usually talk on the way to work, at lunch and in the evening. We also txt all day long and when we take a smoke break we txt to see if the other is busy and we talk on the phone 2-3 times usually during the day outside of the other times. This all seemed to work for both of us until last night. SO said he would call when he got off work, didn't call. I know he was going out for a ride on his motorcycle, but didn't end up calling. I finally called him at 10:00 and he said he was too tired to really talk, we talked about 10 minutes and I hung up ready to cry. I sent him a txt to let him know I was a bit upset and pissed and then he didn't call me this morning. I emailed him to let him know why I felt the way I did and he said I was being too needy. I think he' probably right, but how do I not be so needy? I have no family to turn to to spend time and I have 3 kids but they are only with me every other week so the weeks they aren't here it's horrible. I have one close friend nearby but she has 4 kids and a busy schedule so we don't hang out much. What can I do to occupy my time? You could always resist the urge to phone him let him do the work for a bit and phone you. Play a little hard to get to keep things interesting. Good luck. AP:)
Author PG Love Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 Take some of that energy that is so focused on him and turn it on you!! Do some activities with your kids, read some books, paint, clean, redecorate, take a class, bike ride, power walk, anything..... You say you can't imagine not talking to him twice a day...and you see him on the weekends...the most attractive people are those that take time for themselves and focus not on their partner. Your conversations will become more interesting and meaningful when you share your new passions with him! Your thread is called "How not to be so needy"...all you seem focused on is him and your contact throughout the thread. How not to be so needy, is to reign in your anxious energy and turn it into focused energy on YOU. I do spend time with my kids and we have a great evening, but it's that time after they go to bed that I can think of nothing but talking to him. There is not much to do of an evening to keep me busy. I usually catch up on laundry and do the dishes. I have tried reading, but it just doesn't interest me lateley. Since the kids are in bed, I can't do anything outside the home. We moved 2 months ago so no redecorating needed and it's a rental so not much I can change anyway. I don't mean to make excuses, but I'm just stating my life at the moment.
MiniMina Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I know that when I was really missing my guy I would scrapbook to keep myself busy. I have a lot of pictures of us, so It was fun to put them together into a little scrapbook album while he was away. That is something you can do at home while the kids are in bed. It made me feel connected to him, but kept me busy at the same time. Plus, when I was finished, I gave it to him as an anniversary gift!
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