SoundTribe Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 What are the potential pros and cons of getting into a rebound relationship?
northstar1 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 What are the potential pros and cons of getting into a rebound relationship? Pros - you build back some confidence with members of the opposite sex You take your mind off the ex for a short while Cons - you compare the new person to your ex and feel miserable because in your eyes they cannot compare You dont' feel any connection to the new person
Davey McG Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Depends on which side you're on. If you're the one coming out of the relationship: Pros You get to whine about your ex to your new beauYou get to have all sorts of freaky sex with the rebound guy/galYou gradually get to adjust to the reality of actually being single again, which makes it less painful Cons You will probably end up hurting someone (the rebound)Your judgment won't be at its peak and you are more likely to choose someone unsuitableVery little chance of a real relationship with the rebound
lofi_tokyo Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Depends on which side you're on. If you're the one coming out of the relationship: Pros You get to whine about your ex to your new beauYou get to have all sorts of freaky sex with the rebound guy/galYou gradually get to adjust to the reality of actually being single again, which makes it less painful Cons You will probably end up hurting someone (the rebound)Your judgment won't be at its peak and you are more likely to choose someone unsuitableVery little chance of a real relationship with the rebound This is the situation of the dumper? Or the dumpee - you wern't really clear. ;p
sacg Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 er, id say the dumper. But why does everyone say that the sex with a rebound is ..."freaky...great"?
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Rebounds aren't a good idea because all you're doing is transferring your dependence from the first person, to the next person. In doing so, you use the other person as a bridge but never address your own personal issues, absorb and work out the pain/hurt. What happens more often than not is that you end up not needing the other person, after you've partially addressed the superficial portion of your emotions. Net effect, you hurt someone else and effectively hurt yourself. I think rebounds only work with people who are codependent in nature. They're just as happy super-glued to one person, as the next.
alwayssme Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 rebounds...i think it depends on whether you actually LIKE the new person or not. of course if you're getting with someone just to have someone there, it will be not good. but if you truly like them and find them attractive, it could save you alot of heartache. from my past experiences that's how i got over people i used to like. i found someone better- the last guy i found i thought i was going to marry. then he left me and now i'm simply lost. rebounds can either go great or terribly wrong and end up hurting you even more.
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 I think the cons greatly outweigh the benefits. The "pros" are really about temporary validation: sex, feeling that you are attractive to someone, so you aren't alone, etc. These are all things I think we need to grow comfortable being without, as, statistically, most of us will spend our lives single rather than in relationships. The "pros" can even be viewed as detriments to real growing and healing. If you can't get comfortable with uncomfortable feelings and find happiness alone, you're too dependent on a partner and at a greater risk of a failed relationship. And rebounds only serve as "stepping stones" and we really should be more careful about another human being's feelings (not to mention our own).
Davey McG Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 er, id say the dumper. But why does everyone say that the sex with a rebound is ..."freaky...great"? My previous post was referring to the dumper Its not really great, but the person who is on the rebound is often trying to convince themselves they made the right choice and their new partner is better than the last one they'll be more prepared to do ...different things than normal.
ahhhchooo Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 Personally I think the rebound relationship is only about boosting your own ego. I don't think it's worth it to get into another relationship until you have become a stable, self confident person again. I have been on a few dates since my break up and I know if I did get into a relationship with any of these women I would just feel nothing. Spending that much time with someone when there is more important matters at hand is a mistake, in my opinion. Post break up should be a time to work on yourself. A relationship requires a substantial amount of time which could be better spent on self improvement, reflection and getting a grip on yourself mentally. Get to the gym, go for a run, play your favourite ball sport, read, study, get to the beach, watch your old favourite movies - rediscover yourself!
Author SoundTribe Posted October 8, 2008 Author Posted October 8, 2008 is it still considered a rebound relationship when someone dumps you for another partner?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 8, 2008 Posted October 8, 2008 is it still considered a rebound relationship when someone dumps you for another partner? Thats kinda a yes and no answer. If your partner was distancing themself for a LONG time before you broke up, then its entirely possible that they were ready to move on well before the actual broke up happened. That is to say, they were in a "broken up" mentality long before the event actually occurred... in which case, maybe they are ready for a new relationship. If they had problems for a long time, they may be prepared to move on and be happy with someone else. That being said, regardless of if they had this kind of time to create distance or not, they were still in the confines of a relationship, then moved onto another one. They still had the comfort of a relationship with you, even if they were distancing themselves. In which case, by jumping to a new partner immediately after a breakup, they are really just skipping being lonely, they are skipping out on taking time for themselves and having time to just... grow independently. So... its not exactly healthy, in my opinion. So... it may or may not be a rebound. They may go on to have a serious relationship with their new partner. BUT, if they have not given themselves time to really reflect on their past relationship, or to grow, then I doubt they will really like... be in a happy healthy relationship with their new partner, old problems could easily resurface.
EmperorR Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 its just a band aid solution, like me for example been wiht my ex for 3 years she dumped me, like at first i wanted someone new etc., just to fill the missing void but of course it wont work and im pasy that now working on me
ahhhchooo Posted October 9, 2008 Posted October 9, 2008 its just a band aid solution, like me for example been wiht my ex for 3 years she dumped me, like at first i wanted someone new etc., just to fill the missing void but of course it wont work and im pasy that now working on me You sound like you're doing really well, EmperorR. Your tone and attitude is 1000x more positive than it was when you first started posting here!
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