wanda_t Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 so my exgf moved away and we split up, but we still love each other very much and at least for my part, i'm sure she knows that. i went to visit her (as a friend) 2 days ago, and we smoked pot and got high...she said a guy's name about 5 times. well..i checked facebook and found him when she was at work, and on his blog he writes he met this wonderful girl he would have loved to kiss etc..and then i read my ex's chat dialoge with a friend, where she writes that there's this guy who she finds interesting and of whom she had a really hot dream and with whom she could imagine sleeping. the dates where the two things happened fit together...seems they were only 1 day apart. the thing is, we swore total honesty at all times, really. and we would tell each other anything the minute we had thought of something, had doubts or whatever. especially when it had something to do concerning the two of us, as we both still have feelings. (she also said she wants to get back together at some point, but has to let herself go with someone else...stupid reasoning) but i wonder why she's not telling me that now? am i overreacting, or is there really something i should be worried about? i mean..i'm her (best) friend, but i'm so f*cking jealous..and she knows. she knows i still love her. and today..when i thought it had gotten better and i started relaxing a little, she updated facebook and had done a questionnaire where it said: "i realize that when i love someone i..." and she wrote "i keep it to myself as long as possible coz it's more special and intense then". that also fits, right? i'm gonna talk to her on the phone today until i can't reach her for 5 days. should i tell her that i know everything, or wait for her to tell me and then tell her i knew all along?? please...i need help with this one.
crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 so my exgf moved away and we split up, but we still love each other very much and at least for my part, i'm sure she knows that. i went to visit her (as a friend) 2 days ago, and we smoked pot and got high...she said a guy's name about 5 times. well..i checked facebook and found him when she was at work, and on his blog he writes he met this wonderful girl he would have loved to kiss etc..and then i read my ex's chat dialoge with a friend, where she writes that there's this guy who she finds interesting and of whom she had a really hot dream and with whom she could imagine sleeping. the dates where the two things happened fit together...seems they were only 1 day apart. the thing is, we swore total honesty at all times, really. and we would tell each other anything the minute we had thought of something, had doubts or whatever. especially when it had something to do concerning the two of us, as we both still have feelings. (she also said she wants to get back together at some point, but has to let herself go with someone else...stupid reasoning) but i wonder why she's not telling me that now? am i overreacting, or is there really something i should be worried about? i mean..i'm her (best) friend, but i'm so f*cking jealous..and she knows. she knows i still love her. and today..when i thought it had gotten better and i started relaxing a little, she updated facebook and had done a questionnaire where it said: "i realize that when i love someone i..." and she wrote "i keep it to myself as long as possible coz it's more special and intense then". that also fits, right? i'm gonna talk to her on the phone today until i can't reach her for 5 days. should i tell her that i know everything, or wait for her to tell me and then tell her i knew all along?? please...i need help with this one. Did you two agree to see other people? Did you break up only because of the distance? You're not overreacting. That's very, very painful. But you need to establish exactly where your friendship with her is meant to be going, otherwise she'll just be confused as to why you two broke up, yet she cant want other guys.
Author wanda_t Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 @ crimsonrose: well..the thing is, when i was there we had this fling. short....it was just like in old times again ..it felt good. and she proposed that we could be friends with benefits, but i refused. no..we broke up coz she felt too restricted coz she had the feeling that she couldnt let herself to in her new country if she had a relationship with me..although we did a ldr for 1,5 months. we didn't agree on seeing other people, no. see,..the thing is i don't really know what i'm expecting. it's just really painful to have been with someone for nearly 8 months, then they break up with you coz they cant let themselves fall, then you see them and have "an experiment" again, and then you find out they already have someone else in mind. i dont know what she wants..coz she doesnt want me, nor does she not want me. so should i tell her? i dunno, the rest is really just complicated with the whole: we broke up but she cant want someone else thing... i'm just really really really jealous but my hands are tied and i'm sitting 1000kms away. i should let her go..right? but what about the friendship and knowing we still love each other? i just cant get used to the fact that we're no longer a couple..
crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 @ crimsonrose: well..the thing is, when i was there we had this fling. short....it was just like in old times again ..it felt good. and she proposed that we could be friends with benefits, but i refused. no..we broke up coz she felt too restricted coz she had the feeling that she couldnt let herself to in her new country if she had a relationship with me..although we did a ldr for 1,5 months. we didn't agree on seeing other people, no. see,..the thing is i don't really know what i'm expecting. it's just really painful to have been with someone for nearly 8 months, then they break up with you coz they cant let themselves fall, then you see them and have "an experiment" again, and then you find out they already have someone else in mind. i dont know what she wants..coz she doesnt want me, nor does she not want me. so should i tell her? i dunno, the rest is really just complicated with the whole: we broke up but she cant want someone else thing... i'm just really really really jealous but my hands are tied and i'm sitting 1000kms away. i should let her go..right? but what about the friendship and knowing we still love each other? Well... it seems like if she truly loved you she wouldn't have broken up with you, nor would she be pursuing other guys. It also sounds like you're very sweet and very loyal, and I think you deserve better. Stay friends with her. It sounds like your friendship is important to both of you But do your best to not discuss other guys with her unless you're checking up on her cuz you love her, because this will only confuse the situation more. If something is meant to happen, you can stay friends and love will blossom again when the time is right. Till then, prove that you deserve her by supporting her when other guys don't. If it's meant to be, she'll see it. And again, you're not at all overreacting. It's a very sticky situation and no matter what its going to hurt like hell. Just swallow the pain pill and wait for it to fade. Everyone on these forums will be here to listen to you rant when it hurts too much. In the mean time, its ok for you to pursue other girls too. Wait until you've healed more and then take a chance. You never know- you two could date a few other people before she realizes its meant to be, if it is
Author wanda_t Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 @ crimsonrose: yeah..i guess you're right after all. that's what many friends have been telling me too..just to find someone else coz i deserve better and she treats me like..whatever. there have also been incidents in the past. but you know, it's just really hard to continue a friendship as though nothing had happened, to just ignore the fact that the love is still there (just not outlived), to KNOW she's meeting other people, probably sleeping with them..the thought just makes me sick, really. i already tried to end contact with her coz of that, but that just hurt more.
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