shayna Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Instead its the realization he's not coming back. My ex as of 16 months I think is now dating someone new (and unfortunately someone I know and see fairly often through friends). People tell me this will make it easier to finally move on, but I feel like my heart has been ripped out with 100 times more force then when we broke up. We were together for 9 years. I don't want to return to the way it was between us, I'm just so sad that we couldn't be the couple I had always wanted us to be. He isn't whom I thought he was. We are no longer speaking now as of two weeks ago. Up until then we were speaking about once a month and on fairly good terms which was nice and kept me calm and a bit happier. But now I can't concentrate on anything- with him dating and us no longer talking. He's cut me out of his life and I feel like I don't even exist in his mind (apart from distant memories). This is so much worse then before, when there was still hope and I didn't have to deal with him dating and sharing his life with someone else- when I wanted so much for that person to be me. Even without the hope I would have preferred occasional contact. But I $%#-ed that up because I wanted confirmation on whether he was dating (guess he got fed up with me wondering- not surprising). I just wanted to know before all of our friends knew just so I didn't have to deal with that concerned look in my friends eyes (or the darting uncomfortable glances between people) that I'd have to face if I was the last to know. He's been so kind up until now. Guess I pushed him too far. Maybe its better to have pushed him to the brink so I am not tempted by him anymore. Can anyone related to these feelings after so long??
alwayssme Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 shayna, you are right. the worst part isn't the break-up, it's realizing that the one you loved is not coming back to you...and sometimes even after you realize that, it's still hard to beleive it. it's hard to walk away from the one we love the most. it's doing the thing we LEAST want to do, but we have to. some things just aren't up to us, and it takes two people to want to be together. although you broke up with him 16 months ago, you still kept in touch and that's what kept you hope. you didn't move on with your life. i can't even imagine 9 years, that must be very hard, i just got out of a two year relationship and it's hurting alot cuz i practically lived with him, but now it's done and over with, as much as i hate to admit it, he is not coming back. i don't know what happened in your break-up but i hope that you can get through this and please whatever you do, it is very very important that you keep your pride, if you need closure or if you need to get something off your chest, then do it so you don't look back and wonder "what if i gave it one last try" but that's if you think there is still a chance. if deep down you know you tried all you could, then as much as i hate to hear it myself right now, it's time to let go, and you start that by realizing it's over.
Author shayna Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 Thanks alwayssme. It nice to know someone agrees and that I'm not crazy for feeling this way even now. Sadly, he and I have hashed everything out many many times- I have the closure absolutely- and he is just not coming back. I just wish I could stop the missing him, hating him, loving him that I have all at once. I wish he was the one to feel all this pain just so he knows what its like. I'm exhausted and am only a shadow of my former self to both myself and the people that know and/or love me. I really really really wish I could forget everything- both good and bad about our time together. It all seems like just a huge waste of time regardless of the supposed "learning experience" that everyone says each relationship is.
alwayssme Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 i feel exactly how you feel. love sucks. hopefully one day we can look back at this and realize that 'everything happens for a reason" i hope, this sucks
ahhhchooo Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I think the hardest part of letting go is the fear. The fear we won't find someone new, or someone who fit so "perfectly" into our lives. We think if only somehow we could convince that person to be the person they were - or wanted them to be, life would be just dandy again and we could live happily ever after. Venturing into the unknown does not have a set possible ending like this, because we don't know who we'll meet or what will become of us. I think this is the hardest part of letting go, and it's just of my opinion that deep down you're hoping for this and it's why you're not letting go. That and the fact you kept in regular contact
EmperorR Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I think the hardest part of letting go is the fear. The fear we won't find someone new, or someone who fit so "perfectly" into our lives. We think if only somehow we could convince that person to be the person they were - or wanted them to be, life would be just dandy again and we could live happily ever after. Venturing into the unknown does not have a set possible ending like this, because we don't know who we'll meet or what will become of us. I think this is the hardest part of letting go, and it's just of my opinion that deep down you're hoping for this and it's why you're not letting go. That and the fact you kept in regular contact This is the way I feel that I won't find anyone half as good, I'm a shy person and I don't have it within me to go approach a random girl
jenmom22 Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I actually started crying as I was reading this. I'm going through pretty much the same thing. Mine was 7 years and he started dating within weeks. I also am a shadow of what I was. If you ever need to email me direct, please do. I think about him every single minute of the day and dream about him at night. I wake up and once I get my senses going, I feel like I was just punched in the stomach and I start crying. I spend the entire day with that knot in my stomach. Scares me to read about people who are still in such pain after 12, 18, 24 months. Take care.
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